Wednesday, May 12, 2010

To be 10 again.

UPDATE:  We did have a party, so here is Chase and his cake.

Maybe little brother's going to be an artist too?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First, happy 10th birthday to my 2nd born.  He turned 10 at the top of the St. Louis Arch.  Seriously, the time of birth was while we were there.  Happy Birthday Chasie!

Second...I'm stinkin' tired.  I don't think these 4th graders were half as worn out as the parents probably were.  Thank goodness I was only in charge of my kid...he always behaves when we're out, so no worries.   But, I'm tired after roaming all day.  Whew!  Kaelin's already figuring out which field trip she wants me to take with her.

Here's a picture one of the moms took of us today.  Don't mind my hair...it was windy and we had no power this morning after my shower, so no dryer.
From the top of the arch.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I so admire Warren Buffett.

How can you not with the way he raised his family?  He built himself and managed to raise them all without spoiling.  That's a feat for a lot of parents of means...and sometimes no means.  I a big advocate for unspoiled children who learn the meaning and real value of money and that it really can't buy happiness.  While mostly we are frugal out of necessity, it's great tool to have and a great philosophy to live by.  Read the article on one of Warren's children here.  http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100510/lf_nm_life/us_books_buffett

Lisa

Monday, May 10, 2010

Korea mail coming!

Okay, I think I posted this a couple of months ago, but can't remember and am too tired and lazy to look.

I got an email from J's foster sister asking if we received the Christmas present they mailed us from Korea.  I have been so sad and completely worried because it's, well, May and we never got it.  Today, we got an email from the US agency.  They have it!  His foster family sent it to us through the Korean agency who finally sent it to our US agency and it's on it's way to my man right now.  I can't wait to see what's in it for him.  How exciting when my babies get Korea mail.  I LOVE it!

Lisa

Pictures from this weekend and connections

or disconnections?

I'll finish with some of the pictures from this weekend. We went to a Korean Children's Day celebration which was as awesome as usual and then spent the rest of the day at the zoo with friends. We always hang out with Jane and Jared when we're in town. Gotta love the energy of Mr. Jared.

So, today I took Ms. C to the pediatric nephrologist. While we were waiting we were writing on the chalk board in the room. She wanted to write everything in Korean. So I wrote all of our names in Korean and then she wrote them all. By the time the doctor walked in she had it all done. As soon as he walked in he says "well, she knows English and Korean". I was a little surprised that he recognized it. To most it probably looks like a lot of other languages' characters. He took to Chelsi and she to him right away. For now he said we're doing everything we can, but he took some blood just in case and is doing another u/s. He doesn't want to repeat the VCUG done in 2006, which is fine. So, we'll do a couple of other things he asked us to do and then f/u in a couple of months. He also gave us some info on how to help out with her eczema.

BTW, we also found out they found their replacement pediatric cardiologists...yes two. YAY! Looks like Cole will have a doctor and not have to do major travel to one.

Little Miss did so well when they took blood (she's never had to do that before) that we went out to eat afterward. It was past suppertime at home anyways. We just stopped at Wendy's real quick and a lady walked up to us and said how cute she was and that she could have another about her age. I didn't quite follow her and then she asked what province she was from. That's when it dawned on me. She thought she was Chinese. In her defense most of the Asian adopted children in this area are. Our kids are 3 out of probably 10 in a 40 mile radius. And what I mean by in her defense is that I don't just assume kids are Korean, usually assume Chinese, but never define it when asking because I really don't know. I told her she was Korean born and she just told me that she had a Chinese daughter and left. Oh well.

Okay, here are the pics from the weekend.  We so enjoy this every year.  We are treated so wonderful by this Korean church and we get to see so many other Korean adoptive families and well, the food....is AWESOME!
One room.....7 people.

Done with swimming, getting ready for bed.

Swimming at the hotel (our free night be the way...how great is that?).


Learning taekwondo at Children's Day.
Korean cooking.

 Mommy and Jae.
And our wonderful Korean church hosts.  I'd love to post the pics of the three little girls who sang a beautiful Mother's Day song, but since they're young I won't.



 Zoo time.
The extra little boy is Jared.




My budding photojournalist...National Geographic maybe.


 Don't they all have to try picking the gorilla's nose?

See

Sunday, May 9, 2010

What is culture for me?

I find myself thinking about this more often as the days go by.  I'm just American.  I mean, American in itself is a sort of culture, but not the rich culture I see in others.  Some American families still celebrate their German, Irish, Indian, Jewish, etc. cultures.  I am mostly German with a mix of Irish, American-Indian, Swedish, French, English, etc. thrown in.  We have never celebrated a culture in this family.  My dad's family came over from England in the 1600s and married into Irish, American-Indian, etc.  My mom's German family came over in the 1800s.  Even my great grandmother still spoke some German.  My husband's grandmother’s still speaks some German, but neither of our families do anything to celebrate cultural heritage.  We're all completely Americanized; our culture has become a meld of our own born cultures and a million others that were brought here.  

I struggle with this whole concept.  It seems so many other ethnicities have such strong ties to their culture.  I forget how much I admire, respect and am a little jealous of this until we go to Children's Day at a Korean church.  The closeness within the church community and how they include adoptive families is one of the most beautiful things to see.  Watching the youth and adults interact while reenacting Korean traditions such as drumming, dance, cooking, writing and hearing them all still speak the language is just so beautiful.  I know you will hear some Americans complain when they hear someone speaking another language.  I've overheard Americans complain plenty.  But, these people speak, mostly, perfect English too.  Most are Americans too (which I think is sometimes forgotten or not acknowledged) but, they're able to conserve their children's Korean heritage and culture and keep it alive.  That's what I wish we had; a culture to keep alive.  So, while we cannot bring our children up with Korean culture because we're not Korean and fully capable of doing so I wish we could bring more of the culture into our family because it's the culture I do feel closest to.  I adore the values they have in their own society and how they are so wonderful with each other's children as well as their own.  You know the saying 'it takes a village'.  They are a wonderful village.  They represent what we used to be before our generations began changing to a me/selfish society of the wants and have nots.

I only wish we had a Korean community here so we could be more of a part of it.  Partially for my 3 youngest, but really all 7 of us could benefit.  I would love for all 5 of my children to be raised the way these kids are.  Korean culture, along with many others, are just so beautiful.  It's the way the elders are treated, preservation of what's important today and yesterday and always a sense of belonging.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Happy Mothers Day to

all the mothers that are already mothers and the mothers that want to be, whether through adoption, foster, step, or plain ole biology....and through this I include the birth mothers out there who lovingly made a choice for their children.

I have a VERY busy weekend planned and I don't foresee having time to post Sunday, so I thought I'd say it now because moms need to be reminded how wonderful they are and how much they change this world by being good moms.

I'm not a perfect mom.  Some days I'm probably not even a good mom.  But some days, just some days I'm an awesome mom and I attribute that to my upbringing and my friends and acquaintances through the years that have taught me to be better person and put my children first and sometimes my husband and I first.

When I was 19 my hopes of being a mom felt dashed.  I was told I had a translocation of chromosomes.  I didn't believe that my life long dream would ever come true.  Eventually, we lost our first daughter because of that translocation.  But now, almost 16 years later I have 5 children....5 awesomely great children.  I never expected to look at my kids and see 5 sets of brown eyes; 3 as dark as mine.  I never expected to see 5 round noses....3 that look just like mine.  I never expected to have 2 blondies and 3 black as night, haired kiddos; one with beautifully, natural, auburn highlights.  I never expected after being mocked when I was little and called China girl (solely for my dark eyes that squinted when I smiled) I would have 3 sets of those same eyes, but they look beautiful like that all the time even without smiling; but their eyes smile even more when their mouth does.  I never dreamed I would have 2 children that seem to be so athletically inclined like their dad.  I have 5 great kids that have pieces of both of us.  All 5 are our kids and each others sibling and companion and sometimes best friend.  2 sets of my children are biologically related to each other; while one is not, but no one can tell that.  They can't even tell that.

My kids are my kids and I'm blessed to have them and the life I never dreamed of 16 years ago.  I will always remember, through them, to take anything God hands me because it is He who had this wonderful plan for my life that I could have never imagined.

Lisa

Country living...no twang

I think most people think that if you don't have a southern twang you don't live in the country.  The twang just means you're, well, southern.  Although depending where in the United States I have traveled to, I have been told I have an accent...I don't, BTW.  The only thing I know I say and I cannot stop and my husband so makes fun of me for is I do say ya'll.  I cannot say you all, but it's not like in some areas where they youens.  :)

But, around here it is living in the country.  Of course, those of us that have been here forever are pretty much still the same way we've always been while the folks moving in from the bigger towns and cities are not quite the same as the original locals.  But, here your yard, for the most part, does not butt up against someone else's.  We have subdivisions, but they're not city, suburban subdivisions.  We back up to a farm with 2 acres of woods for the kids to explore.  A runoff creek where, somehow, year around the kids find crawdads.  They dig up toads there too...yes, they're in the ground.  You cannot send your kids out to play in their school clothes here.  There's too much to explore, so the jeans that finally got holes in them get cut off for summer and they wear them with holes in the winter.  Just love driving the kids to school and passing the local high schoolers driving to school on their tractors.  Yes, this is a spring regular.

I love living in the country...wish we could live further out, but being a working mom it would intrude on the time I can spend with mom by spending even more time commuting to work.  But, we kind of a get a mix of both worlds.  Sometimes there is cattle in the road....ahem...Jay!  There's always someone pulling a boat to go to a local spot to fish.  We can't wait to test ours out with the family.  Your dogs can still run loose, cats are kept to keep the snakes and mice to a minimum, we're a little rock and a little country, and we're still somewhat self sufficient, hunting and fishing for our food.  (okay, so I don't do the hunting, but I like to fish and when the kids are little older it will be fun to do more often again.)  We raise our kids to try to be responsible for their own actions, their money, their time and their treatment towards others. 

It's a place you can live where it's a little more modern without being complete podunk....yep, that's a word, at least it is around here.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lanyard with Korean/Hangul?

I have this cute little key fob that has hangul embroidered on it.  I love it.  My little thingy that I clip my Sonitrol card to my shirt at work broke and instead of getting the $2.00 replacements at Walmart I thought I'd try to find a lanyard that has Hangul on it.  Something sweet...you know?  I can't find one anywhere.  If anyone knows where to find one, let me know.  The girl that made mine is in the process of moving and she didn't know if she would start that stuff back up again or not.

Lisa

I DO NOT look tired!

When strangers ask how I'm doing, it's a normal conversation.  You know, a quick "hi how are you doing", in the elevator on the way to your floor at work.  But, when coworkers that I'm acquainted with, don't know that well, but they know I have 5 kids, they always follow by 'you look tired'.  I know I don't look tired.  I think a lot of it is just that people cannot imagine 5 kids in the age groups we have and working.  I know a 'few' others, very few, who have that many, but they usually consist of step kids that they don't have or older and out of the house kids.  We obviously don't run in the right circles to know people like us...or maybe they don't exist?  I have no idea.

But, am I tired sometimes?  Sure.  Is it totally overwhelming to work outside the house...both of us...and have 5 kids 1-13?  Sometimes.  The good outweighs the bad though and it's not your foremost thought everyday.  First of all you're too busy to really think about it and over analyze anything.  You try to get you and your husband and your kids by.  It's just that simple.  You look at your time by the week...sometimes by the day or moment.  I try by the week only because I miss things otherwise and then I'll end up mad at myself for losing track.  Easy to do though.  For instance, I have one day off this week and while I'll have the two littles in tow I have a ton of errands to get run; all before nap time.  I don't get to take time off work because....well, I have 5 kids.  I may need it, so errands have to be meticulously planned out to make the most of my time. 

I'll need to get the kids to school, get to the hospital to get little miss' VCUG films/CD for her nephrologist appointment Monday, then an 8:30 appointment, then to social security to get little man recorded as a full-fledged US citizen in their records and I'd like to stop at the grocery store before my coupon for $3 off anything expires.  Afterall, I don't come across those too often.  Then, there will be lunch and, God willing, naps.  Laundry will hopefully get done in there somewhere and then the kids get home from school and we have plans all weekend long.

So, yeah, I'm tired from time-to-time, but I know I don't look it, so leave me alone just because I have 5 kids....doesn't mean I really am tired all the time.  I can do it and am doing it just fine...afterall I have a great 2nd half.

I'm trying to learn the art of

guilt...the mommy favorite.

My mom is grade A at it with me and my sister.  Don't know if she tries to work the same magic with our brother or not.  I am just in apprenticeship on it.  I have a lot to learn and long way to go.  But, since Cole's grades are lacking in some areas and he LOVES his little brother I'm trying a new kind of inspiration...ahem..guilt....to get him to work.  He came in to tell Jaemin goodnight and Jaemin wraps his little arms and hands around Cole's neck like no one else.  Jaemin totally looks up to him and I totally latched onto that as he was hugging him and Cole was soaking it in.  Be a good example for your brother.  You only want the best for him, right?

I'll have to try to get better at this truly though.  Maybe it comes with age?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Another day, another worry

I feel bad even writing and venting about this, but some days are just tougher than others and that's a fact.  I know there are moms out there with kids battling life threatening diseases, major disorders and other traumatic life experiences, but for now this is my world.

I see the other side too.  In parent groups I see other moms, much newer and with less age ranges, worrying whether their kids will get enough votes for the newest photo contest or if they're kid is not doing what their friends' kids' are doing or they're upset because the kiddos, not in school, are getting up before 8:00 am. 

For me, it's the reality of working outside the home (out the door at 7 and back at 5), spending enough time with them and being able to help them get all that they need TIMES 5.  Plus the range in ages is 1-13.  That means we're going through almost every developmental stage for children at once.  We're only missing the older teen, which I don't look forward to right now, so 'yay me' (to quote London). 

So, I have a 1 year old that hits and will not go to bed....until 2 hours of us putting him back to bed 20 times and then finally falling asleep on us.  So what I have a 4 year old that can read, but is beginning to go through the sassiness of a little girl her age and making up for all time lost with all due haste and has to be checked out for kidney problems that scare me some; though I try not to focus on what may or may not be.  So if I have a 7 year old that listens to about 1/2 of what we say to her and has a love for tattling on older brothers....DAILY...being sure to only pick on one at a time, thinking we don't know (she has admitted to doing this) and most likely is ADD.  And, whatever if I have a 9 year old that is caught between a little boy and big boy and sometimes his emotions really give this away and at his size flopping to the floor...not so cute.  And it's not a big deal to have that and 13 year that is ADHD/ADD, but can't have meds because he has a heart condition and is brilliant, but doesn't care about his grades, so they randomly go down from time to time throughout the year and he always makes sure to be fair to all the classes and rotates the bad grades around.

I feel stressed right now with all this little stuff packing on and the worst thing is I shouldn't let it stress me.  There's nothing I can do about it.  They're good kids.  They really are.  They don't beg for cell phones and other spoiled kid things and they're thankful for what they do have.  I have good kids, but how could I not be stressed and worn out...some of the time?  And yes I signed up for this gig and I never, for a second regret it, but they are my life and I worry about them.  I want only the best for the five little people sharing a room, life and love with us.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

No church day of planting

Yeah, we missed church.  After a very lacking night of sleep I wasn't coherent enough to realize that today was First Communion for the area 2nd graders.  This meant the church schedule got pushed up.  So we all got ready headed out and pulled in.  I told Brian something was not right.  The Sunday school parking lot was much fuller than usual and there weren't people constantly coming in and out.  He said I was imagining things, so I walked in and could hear the teachers reading stories, which meant they were already through the first 1/2 hour.  We walked right on out and got in the car.  There were others trying to pull in the church parking lot at the same time, so we weren't the only ones who forgot, but I would have been totally embarrassed if any of the teachers had caught us.

I decided to go in and spend my $10 Penney's cash...you know where you spend $10 and get $10 off, so you can get it for free.  Chelsi decided to go with me and I haven't spent quality time with her in awhile, so she skipped nap and went.  We had a nice time and then went to the nursery so we could FINALLY get some nice flowers in our pots outside.  The girls and I planted them this afternoon before supper and Chelsi picked most of them out.  We were replacing some flocks that never came back...well they did, but then they died right away, and there were tons of worms in that spot.  I pulled them out so I could chop the soil up a bit there and Chelsi was just horrified that Kaelin and I would touch them.  Kaelin proceeded to inform me about how the worms have a job to do and that is to poo so they can create compost for the plants to grow healthy in.  I'm totally thinking this all comes from her after-school visits to grandpa and grandma's house.  Too funny though!

Now all Brian has to do is plant the roma tomato plants I got and we're done with our garden planting.  Bring on the veggies 'cause we're loving roasted green beans!

Calling all working moms with a large family through adoption

I am surely not alone in being a mom who works outside the home and has 5 children.  I know this isn't gigantic by measures of the Duggars or Gosslins, but I also don't get paid to have a show.  I work because I have to pay for insurance 1/2 of our bills.  I work to show our kids life isn't easy and doesn't just drop in your lap.  I work, because that's life and life isn't always a choice.  Unless I choose to not work and go on assistance...not a choice or a good example to my kids anyways.

So, if you're a mom that works outside the home and has a larger family I want to hear from you.  I've been blog searching for months and have yet to find another one, but I know we can't be alone.   Pipe in ladies!

Lisa

Friday, April 30, 2010

Money thoughts...here you are....from some experts

Finally, an article about strategies we have lived by since I could spend my own money in my early teen years.  I especially liked that they mentioned the focus on not forgetting about your annual bills and working them into your budget.  So many people forget about these and then struggle to pay their taxes, insurance, Christmas, etc.  We have always, since we got married, YEARS ago, transferred the money needed for these bills every month to a separate account.  No struggles in that area here.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/8-Questions-for-the-usnews-2193769886.html?x=0

8 Questions for the Constantly Broke


Kimberly Palmer, On Tuesday April 27, 2010, 11:38 am EDT

If you find yourself nervously checking your bank account balance before payday, then perhaps it's time to make some changes. Before swearing off restaurants or cutting up your credit card, ask yourself the following 8 questions, which are designed to help get you back on top of your finances.

Do I know where my money is going? Beyond a quick glance at our credit card statements each month, most of us don't bother tracking how we're spending money. That means we might not realize that our grocery expenses have suddenly skyrocketed, or our utility bills have doubled. Using an online personal financial management tool to automatically track your spending - www.Mint.com and www.Wesabe.com are among the most popular - allows you to figure out where money is going with minimal effort. The programs can also warn you once you get close to your target budget for the month.

Am I focusing too much on the month, instead of the year? Research suggests that people often fall victim to forgetfulness when budgeting by the month. They tend to overlook unexpected and one-time expenses, such as car repairs or gifts, so underestimate how much they'll need to spend. But when people budget by the year, they tend to factor in those costs. Research by University of Southern California's Gulden Ulkumen, Cornell's Manoj Thomas, and New York University's Vicki Morwitz found that college students were about 40 percent off-target when budgeting by the month, but only three percent off base when thinking by the year.

[See Benefits of Budgeting by the Year, Not the Month]

Do I do something everyday that wastes money? It might be a cab ride, lunches, or a six-pack of beer. These types of small, daily expenditures add up, and by the end of month, you could be out $100 or more. (In the case of a $10 lunch on each weekday, that's $200.) Finish Rich author David Bach famously coined the phrase "Latte Factor" to capture this idea. He argues that if you invested the money instead of spending it, you could eventually become a millionaire.

Do I know my own weakness? Almost everyone has one. It might be a golf habit, fancy jeans, or nice dinners. Perhaps it's simply buying more than you need when you're out running errands. Gwyneth Paltrow's budgeting expert for her GOOP newsletter, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, offers the following advice: Carry a stopwatch with you on shopping trips. She also suggests bringing a loyal friend on shopping trips to remind you not to overspend.

Am I saving too much? This question might sound counter-intuitive - how could anyone be saving too much? But if you're going into debt to fund your lifestyle and you've already cut back wherever possible, then it's time to look at how much money you're funneling into your 401(k). While it always makes sense to take advantage of matching programs from your employer, it doesn't make sense to save additional pre-tax dollars at the expense of a hefty credit card bill that comes with a 10 percent or higher interest rate.

Is my relationship hurting my bank account? Even if you're on top of your own finances, your bank account won't reflect it unless your significant other is also on board. If you share credit, in the form of credit cards, auto loans, or a mortgage, then any late payment from your partner can also ding your own credit report. Marriage can intertwine your financial lives even further. Before tying the knot, be sure to review each other's credit histories, talk about whether you prefer joint or separate accounts, and make sure you are familiar with each other's long term financial goals. Couples also often get tripped up when it comes to handling money requests from needy family members. Make sure you're on the same page to prevent tension later.

[See 6 Money Talks to Have Before You Marry]

Are the big items dragging me down? According to Elisabeth Leamy, Good Morning America's consumer correspondent and author of Save Big: Cut Your Top 5 Costs and Save Thousands!, it's the big items, not the small ones, that hurt people's finances the most. She suggests focusing on minimizing your mortgage, car, health, debt, and grocery payments. Buying a used car instead of a new one, for example, can save drivers tens of thousands of dollars. Plus, she says, since "cars these days are really well built, the risk is lower than it used to be."

Am I wasting money by carrying debt? If you're paying down a $10,000 credit card bill with a 15 percent interest rate, then you're paying about $1,500 a year to carry that debt. If you're paying off a $10,000 car loan at 6 percent, then you're wasting $600 a year on interest. If you can find the extra cash, consider paying off those loans so you can stop throwing money away on debt payments.

Oh the full moon nights can be so tough

A lot of people don't sleep well during full moons and kids, well, they go nuts sometimes. This totally explains the weekend that I posted about a couple of days ago. But, it really causes Jaemin extra angst...though I don't think he sees it that way.

He gets up once a night, most nights, anyways. Right now, he's getting up and STAYING up! He came in my room last night and I put him back in bed. A few minutes later I could hear him toddling back in. This time I just put him in bed hoping he'd just go right to sleep, like usual. Nope! He laid there and patted and stroked by head while just talking away. Back to bed. This went on for one hour! Finally, I got Brian to wake up. He listens and stays in bed if Brian tells him to, but apparently I'm too much of a push over with him.

Funny because I think the older 4 listen to me better and with Jaemin it's reverse. Just can't figure kids out sometimes.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

To push or not to push?

Pushing adoption and culture? Is this right or wrong? I don't think it's necessary right or wrong, but maybe better moderation. Just my personal opinion, though. I'm not really one to push things on any of my kids, adopted or not. I do push values and family togetherness. I do encourage them to respect their family (each other) and learn lessons to be good individuals. Past that...their interests...I don't push. When they find something that suits their interest, that's when I 'encourage'.

So far, the 4 oldest are involved in extra curriculars. I have never pushed a sport or activity. I do open up the option, if it's a viable option for our family. So basically, we encourage the kids to try things. If they don't like them, they have to finish out the season or session and then they can try something new. So far this has worked to their advantage trying to find what they enjoy. For one boy, it's basketball or football. For another boy, it's football or baseball. For one girl, it's all soccer. For another girl, it's gymnastics. The older boys have tried what they were interested in and narrowed it down. The girls are doing the same thing. It's neat to watch them find their niche.

So some adoptive parents choose to push their adopted children into cultural activities and talk about their adoptions on a daily basis. Is this hard on kids? I don't know. I think for some, it's their way of ensuring that they are not taking on the roles past generations of adoptive parents did and ignore international and adoption culture.

I choose to take the middle road with this as we have with activities. We do what we can. We do what we're interested in doing as a family. We all like Korean food, so we do cook Korean on a regular basis. We do get together with our international group for Korean holidays to celebrate. But, we can never emulate true Korean culture because we are not Korean.

I tend to take the middle road on adoption culture too. We don't make it everyday conversation with our kids. They know they're adopted. We do talk about adoption when a situation arises that sounds like a good time to broach a subject and when the kids bring up a question themselves. They are very aware that we are open to answering what we can. And they do feel free to ask. I'm glad they do that.

So, one parent's success by pushing adoption and international culture may not be how we find our family success. Our family enjoys the moderation of the meld we have in our biological/adoptive family mix. We, like our children, just try to find happy mediums so we can be family, but not dismiss what may be important to all of our five kids. They each have their own needs and wants and I would support them whether they're directly related to adoption or not. For instance, my 7 year old told me last night that she would like to live in Korea, one day, for a little bit. I told her that when she's in college she can apply for a scholarship to go to Korea or after college she can find a temporary job and live there for a year and see what she thinks. She's excited about this prospect and since she wants to be a teacher I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for her. I don't support her because it's her birth country and culture, I support her because she's my child, it's an honorable goal in life and a wonderful opportunity for anyone. I would support our two older, biological, children the same way. I guess, I just can't imagine consuming my or their lives with just one thing, be it sports, or adoption. I don't want them blaming every bad thing in their lives with adoption either. I just hope they see it as a way they entered our family. That doesn't mean I ignore that it happened, but it doesn't make them 100% of who they are.

My point is that adoptive parents don't have to try to cut each other down constantly and critize each other because it's not a one size fits all life. We all have our lives to live and we do the best we can with the life we're given. If that's what my children take from me, then I'll be thrilled.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I hate this, so I'm praying I don't do it

Why do some people feel the need to dwell on something and then go on and on to you and yet if you try to offer some consolation like they're not alone they just think they are? I'm talking about the ones that are going through something bad (I'm not talking death or massive illness) but a change or a bad day and if you try to express empathy by saying you've been there done that they don't want to hear you at all. These are also the same people that do this day in day out. Meaning they're not just venting because they've had a crappy day, they're venting on an almost daily basis that they've had a crappy month or year. And if there kid does something awesome your kid can't possibly be as good.

I just get so frustrated with this and I try not to get into conversations, at all, with these people, but sometimes it feels totally unavoidable. I guess I'm just hoping that I don't dwell on stuff in the first place, because mostly that's what I find annoying....listening to them rehashing the dwelled topic over and over and over again. Is it just their insecurity??

Sorry...I just had to finally vent because I'm tired of the know it alls of the world who think no one knows better than them about anything they know or any experience they have had. The whole world is wrong to these people. I get so tired of overly cocky people!

Lisa

Sunday, April 25, 2010

What a downer

I'm going to be. I'm usually a thank God, I've got the best life, I'm so blessed kinda person and I still feel that way. In no way to I regret any portion of my life or choices made, but I'm just in a bad mood, tired and worn out.

The kids have gotten on our nerves this weekend. Jaemin's pretty much excused because, well, he's a 1 year old little boy. Need I say more as to why he tests and tests and tests us and is as loud as can be? The other 4 have done nothing but fight and whine and with the weather being what it is we can't get them out to expend energy. We're getting on each other's nerves too out of being tired, etc.

This is one of those days when you think God I could use a couple's vacation...not a date....a vacation and Calgon, please take me away for just a minute. I love 'em....all 6 of the people in this house, but I need some me with no stress. I can't even begin to figure out how or where that could happen, so buck up baby and get over it! Right?

Just needed to vent for once and now ya know this girl is normal and her life is far from perfect that can easily be portrayed in a little blog.

Lisa

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You Belong to Me

She really wanted to do a Taylor song this time.


blah, blah, blah.....

literally.

UGH.....does anyone listen to me. At work, I've been having issues with one of our contractors. I put everything in writing and then they ask a question where they could find the answer in the previously sent email.

At home, I have 5 that don't listen. A part of me just hopes that they are hearing me, just not necessarily listening to me and eventually when they really need to they will hear my voice in the back of their heads. I know I shouldn't preach and I'm not near as preachy as I used to be....mostly because I'm too tired to preach. Cole's grades are better....but I'm sure a grade will sneak in there that we're not prepared for and bomb what little's left. I'm always bracing for that with him becuase, well, that's how he rolls. We don't see any papers because he won't bring them home, so we're never really prepared. We're trying to pick our battles with him, so there is only so much we can get onto the 13 yo for.

Chase is now having trouble in math, but he and his teacher do not know why. He has 100%, so far, in every other class, but has been forgetting a couple of assignments lately. This is really not like him and he wants the money we pay for A semester grades. He may not make it if he doesn't straighten it out. Not sure how that will turn out.

Chelsi didn't listen tonight at all. When I picked her up, grandma had given her a lily to bring home. I told her to leave it on my console so it didn't get broken and when we got home I would put it in water. We got home and I started going through the big kids' papers and started warming the leftovers when I heard the door. She escaped out the door and was, apparently, on her way to put the flower in the garden. Not sure if she thought she was going to plant it or what. Meanwhile she's running around barefoot outside and I hate dirty feet inside, so we had to wash off. Yes, I have a phobia of nasty on the floor....especially with all of our allergies, etc.

Jaemin, well, he's only 1, so I expect him to ignore. Kaelin has, oddly enough, listened so far today. It's usually her that ignores the most. I don't think she does it on purpose all the time, but sometimes she really does.

AHHH....they're making me crazy. Thank God for leftovers creating a somewhat quick night....especially when dad's not home because he's out buying a boat!

Lisa

Monday, April 19, 2010

Pleading for the case of sibling adoption in Korea

Another family has received the call for a sibling adoption in Korea.  This family, however, is aging out or has just aged out of the program.  The US agency is unsure if the ministry in Korea will grant this family a waiver for adoption of their child's sibling, so they asked them to find other sibling adoptive families to write on their behalf with our experiences.  I know that I'm kind of a wordy person, so I intentionally tried to keep it short to make my point and hopefully it worked.  We were more than happy to help this family though.  I can't imagine this being the 'something' in the way of these children joining each other.

Here is what I wrote:

"Members of the Korean Ministry:

We are an adoptive family in the United States to three Korean-born children; 5 children total.  In 2009, we were blessed to be able to adopt the brother to one of our Korean-born daughters.  I don’t think I could begin to stress enough how fortunate we feel to have this little boy in our lives and in the life of his biological sister.

JeeYung arrived to us in the United States in March 2006 and we received Jaemin in Korea in May 2009.  Whether adopted domestically or internationally adoptees lose biological ties via adoption.  Most of us take the things that go along with these ties for granted.  Our daughter and son may never know their Korean birth families, but they have something most adoptees do not have the luxury of.  Our son and daughter know their biological sibling and get to be raised together with a family who loves them dearly.  All five of our children are, no doubt, 100% siblings, but one day these two will have a link to the past and will be bonded through it.

We love Korea for the importance it has always seemed to place on this biological tie in adoption.  Keeping siblings together is an amazing gift that I can’t imagine any adoptee not being thankful for.  Jee Yung is only 4 years old, but she is very proud to know that her brother is here with her and she tells us this.  She loves her brother with everything she has.

I only speak for our family in saying that while JeeYung got her brother Jaemin; we all gained this beautiful little boy as well and will forever be grateful for our gift.  Please continue to place importance on this and embrace the positives that will forever be in the lives of these children if it is at all possible to take place.

Thank you."

My nightly visitor

Okay, it's not 'really' night.....it's 4-5 am.  I have a little boy who likes to come into my room to sleep with me.  Sometimes it's earlier, but most nights it's 3:30-4 that he originally comes in.  Sometimes I let him stay a bit if he seems like he may sleep and sometimes he tries to sleep in my bed, but isn't really that tired so he jabbers.  He never cries.  I put him to bed and eventually he stays there.  Sometimes, though, I pretend to keep sleeping thinking he will go back to bed.  That doesn't work either.  He will just stand there with his hands on my bed watching me, waiting for me to wake up.  It's really pretty darn cute, so you can never actually be upset with him.  But, this occurs about 5 times per week, so it is tiring, but I love him.

Tonight I put him in bed and told him I'd see him in the morning. I said "you're going to stay in bed tonight, right?"  He gave me an ornery look, through the light coming in the cracked door, and shook his whole body as he shook his head 'no'.  He's such a little stink!  He's such a jokester and the little stinker knows he's cute!

What am I going to do?

Lisa

The season has started

They've already been a couple of times, but now that it's really getting nice the 3 big boys will be gone constantly.  As long as they eventually bring something home to eat it's alright.  Hey, we gotta keep our boys happy and when they go fishing, they stay happy!

Lisa

Soccerx4

This is Kae's 4th season in soccer.  She is so great!  We're taking it easy this time around, but she's still just enjoying it.  Plus this season (league) is with her classmates.  She IS tough on that field and, I know I've said it before, is natural!  If we never get soccer in school by high school, she will have had fun playing anyways.

Here are her fans.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

MMM...late snack

And no, I don't share.  Hey, it's the only time I can sit and savor something I really love.  Tonight's delight was king size Reese's peanut butter cups.  Bad mom, but my mom did it to us and I'm sure the tradition will continue on.

Lisa