Tired kids and it's only the 2nd day

of the 3 day weekend.

Of course, we had the game Friday night.  We got home so late we all kind of laid around and didn't do too much yesterday.  But, we had promised Miss Chelsi, since last year, that we would go to the parade again.  So we all went to the parade and then Walmart for groceries and my flag supplies.  By the time we got home we had a message for an invite to go watch fireworks.  So, we got my new flag hung up and we were off again.

It was nice just to sit back and watch them and sit with friends.  The kids just ran around an played with each other and the little ones sang and danced while C played guitar.  It's so relaxing to just sit by a fire and do nothing, but chit chat and have fun.

The kids have played outside with the dog all day today and are tired already, so it was time to come in.  We had to give the house a good cleaning since we'd been running for the past two weeks with swim lessons and I worked up a major sweat trying to clean and wash all the sheets in the house.  I haven't done glass yet, but will be tonight or tomorrow....yeah!  Got our zucchini bread in the oven that Chelsi and I made though, so we're going to have some yummy burgers, steaks and zucchini bread tonight.  Really wished I would have bought the strawberries and ice cream last night for shakes.  I totally wasn't thinking clear.  Missed my ingredients for chapjae too.  I was going to make that tomorrow.

Here are pics of my flag and the 3 little kiddos at the parade.

Chelsi and her best friend Miss A watching the parade together.

Another Win!

We have yet to go to a game where the Cardinals lose.....hopefully that doesn't jinx them or us!  The kids had a good time as usual, though it was more crowded than the last game so there was no room to spread out and a night game,we have decided, isn't best for the two littlest.  They did make it through the whole game though.  Chase was still raising her arm for 'charge', but not yelling near as loud. 

1 month of summer is gone

We may not have done the crazy, running everywhere with baseball that we usually do, but it's still been plenty busy.  We've mostly just been trying to do stuff with the kids.

The big boys adopted a dog.  They had a couple of days where the fees were waived and paid for by a foundation and the boys found a 3 year old lab.  I can't complain though.  He's pretty good.  He's housebroken and though we don't have him in the house he's very well behaved because of it.  He doesn't jump or lick like most labs and he LOVES to fetch.  The boys spend hours throwing the ball for him.  He does sleep in the house at night though.  Night is rough for him.  He misses his brother who has a separate family.  For some reason our dog was one of the last ones left.  I think people are afraid of his size.  The boys are loving having an active dog again.  Our beagle is just getting to old to have fun, but he's more Jaemin's size, so Jaemin still likes to sit by him and pet him.

The kids have finished another summer of swimming lessons.  Chelsi has progressed to Level 1.  YAY Chelsi!  Her improvement between last year and this year is amazing.  Much like Kaelin's 2nd year of preschool level lessons were at the same age.  The big boys will be in Level 5 next year and Kaelin will be in 3.

Jaemin was tested for allergies today after getting sick again earlier this month.  We think he still has acid reflux, but we're trying to figure out the cause if he does.  The doctor sent us to an allergist.  They don't test kids this age for much, so there were some major foods and then mold and dust.  He really had nothing.  I even had them test for strawberries since his foster mother told us he was allergic.  Turns out he is no longer allergic to them either.  We're going to remove apples and eggs from his diet for awhile since they were the only things that even remotely showed up, but we're really just waiting on his pediatrician to decide what to do for him next.  I do wonder about the nurse practitioner who saw him today though.  She was real big on asthma diagnosis.  And while I'm not ruling it out I don't think that's it.  I'd almost rather find out if he has something else going on, but that would require a scope.  I'm going to try to sit back and follow the doctor or at least look to him for advice this time.  The allergist's nurse practitioner, however, wanted him AND me on all kinds of drugs and inhalers.  And of course they're a pretty good price too.  I need some proof first.  And we may take him off his ranitidine and see how he does first.  Hopefully, he finally outgrowing his acid reflux, but until this week's testing we hadn't taken him off long enough to tell.

1 1/2 months 'til school starts.  I'm not sure I'm ready for that again.  I like this flexibility and fun of summer.

The biggest wish in the world...and most important

If I could have a wish granted, any wish, I would wish that the two birth mothers in Korea, to my 3 youngest children would know that their children are happy and healthy and loved beyond the ends of the Earth.  I also wish that one day the one birth mother knows that her children are, indeed, together and how blessed we feel.  I truly have no words for how blessed we are.

Odds and Ends

I've just been too busy to write anything down on a regular basis, but I don't want to forget any moments in my life because everyone seems so precious.  Even stupid little details that are extremely boring. 

The older 4 have finished their first week of swim lessons.  I don't think the older 3 are going to pass this time around, but it's normal when you're in higher level classes.  You should be mastering it before you go on.  The boys are thinking about becoming lifeguards, so they have plenty of time to get through the next level.  They're all enjoying it and that's really all that matters.

Jaemin is totally enjoying going along so he can splash around in the baby pool.  There's an Asian man and his daughters that come every week and the dad always comes over to talk to Jae.  He really seems to like him and his girls are the same ages as my littlest two. 

Right now everyone's just getting super excited about our next Cardinals game next week.  Jaemin has totally learned how to raise his arm and yell CHARGE! Too cute!

As of now, we have a new member of the family.  The shelter was having some free adoption days, so the boys finally got to go and pick out a dog.  They found a 3 year old lab that needed a home.  He's pretty well behaved and was actually an inside dog (Jaemin, Chase and I can't take that), but is outside now.  He wants to come in the house so bad though...I do feel bad, but labs are just fine outside.  I'm hoping Brian and the boys can take him to the lake to swim.  I bet he'd like that!  He likes truck rides.

Since Brian was picking up the dog I told him I'd pick up the youngest 3 at grandmas.  We went straight outside so the little kids could see Butter (the lab).  Jaemin kept saying 'puPPy', but wasn't real interested.  The dog is almost 80 pounds, so I think he intimidates J a little.  Jaemin would rather stick to the beagle.  He's much closer to Jae's size and he likes Jaemin too.  Jaemin is SO good!  I watered the flowers and then told him it was time to go in and take showers so we could eat dinner and he just turns around and walks to the door and goes on in.  He loves to sit with me at the baby pool and just play with me quietly.  He probably looks like a great big momma's boy, but I'll take it any day.  He so great about finishing supper if we have ice cream sandwiches to eat afterward.  He's even starting to pick up toys.  He does have a ornery streak.  He likes to grab things and take off running as he laughs the whole way!

I'm telling you if you had seen him one year ago you would never believe this is the same little boy.  He's not somber.  He smiles a lot and he's super friendly from a distance.  He loves to tell everybody hi and bye and apparently one of his favorite daycare friends is Addie.  We love to say "Adddiiieee".  It's so cute.  And yes, he still lets me crawl into his toddler bed with him to cuddle before he goes to sleep.  If he's not quite tired when I leave him he gets up and gets his dinosaurs or trucks to sleep with. 

I never thought I could ever love another little boy so much, but I do!!!!!

Swim Fever

No, not really.  But, swimming and fevers. 

I got to daycare yesterday and when I kissed Chelsi on the head I realized she was warm.  We took her temp and it was 100.7, so we turned around and went back home.  Kaelin had been complaining about a sore throat so I thought we'd get Chelsi tested for strep and UTI.  Sure enough, she had both.  Poor baby.  This time they found trace blood, so they're culturing it and we're talking more in-depth with the pediatric nephrologist.  None of us are sure what to think since she's been drinking cranberry juice everyday for two weeks now.  We've done everything we and the neph can think of to prevent these things and still not succeeding.

The nephrologist's nurse told me that if she is still running a fever today to call them back.  I went ahead and let them know that this afternoon she was back to 103, but it's being controlled with tylenol and motrin.  They're discussing if we should wait for our July appointment or do something sooner...but not sure what.

Meanwhile, last night was the first swim lesson.  I asked the ped if she could go and he said she wouldn't give anyone strep at swim lessons and she'd already have her 2nd dose of her antibiotic so it was fine.  By afternoon yesterday she was at 104 so I asked the nephrologist's office if she could go and they said it would be good for her temp.  So swimming she did go.  She would have been so sad to not go to class.  She's been looking forward to this for 3 months now.  She LOVES swimming lessons.  She even puts her head totally under this year. 

All 4 of the older kids are in swim lessons this year and doing well.  The boys are in level 5 and I think there are only 6 levels before testing for lifeguard.  Kaelin is in 3 and Chelsi is in preschool.  Jaemin played in the baby pool last night, but stayed home with dad tonight.  I would pick the HOTTEST summer in years to sell the framed pool.  It was 94 degrees when we left for classes this evening.  Needless to say we all needed showers are getting home!

When the good things you teach them have consequences

Everyone knows we try hard to teach the kids about money.  But, something need to be kept to themselves.

Today is Father's Day.  Chase was so sweet and used his own money to buy his dad a duck statue to go in the recroom with his other hunting stuff...aka the duck he shot years ago.  Anyways, I had taken Chase to the store awhile back when he apparently first saw it.  Then, one day when he and Kaelin were with their grandma and going to town he asked if they were going to that store and told her he planned to buy this for Father's Day.  He hid it and kept it to himself not revealing the surprise prior to today.  I mean this thing is about 10" or so long and several inches high.  He gave it to Brian this morning and I was telling Brian how proud I was of him for spending his own money on it and having the idea to buy this himself.  The kids don't usually buy us stuff and we wouldn't expect them to.  Kaelin quickly piped it 'it was 50% off!'.  So takes the fun out of it.  Had to give her another lesson in money in that while it is good to be frugal we don't have to share how inexpensive we got something when it was a gift!

As a side note I don't think Father's Day was too shabby for him.  We don't do a lot of buying items for these days.  We just don't have the money or justification for that type of expenditure.  So, yesterday since he wanted to mow and work in the garden I cleaned the whole house.  This morning the big boys got up before him and made waffles.  And Chase made his usual card.  He's GREAT about making us great cards to keep.  Always creative!  I'm telling you he's definitely one of the best dads in today's world.

Is there a trick to quiet kids in church?

Jibberjabber...fine.  But, yelling and trying to go everywhere and throwing things....not so much.  I almost hate sitting with Brian when he has to sing.  It's so tiring going up and down the stairs when he can't behave, so I put up with it a lot longer than when we're not in the choir loft.  With Chelsi twisting and turning around constantly why would J think he had to behave? 

On the drive home...a whopping 5 minutes, all 5 kids were fighting.  Fun night huh?  Good thing we did a badly needed date night last night.

My artwork will be on it's way

soon!

Here is what I'm having printed at Walmart.  Then, I'm going to get an 8x10 frame for the big one and 4x6s for the random pics from Korea.  I love how they all turned out.  I'm going to put them in some sort of cluster on our wall as art since I can't afford anything else.  But, then again, what's better than those great memories?

So that's what it's going to be like

I think Brian had one of those 'ah ha' moments last night.  You know..the ones where you say something and then you go 'ohhhhhh'.

We went to a work barbeque and were talking to one of the clients he knows.  He's 1/2 Chinese descent.  So, on the way home he says (paraphrasing) 'you know, every time I talk to S I expect him to speak with an accent even though I know him and then out comes this gruff voice'.  See, S was born here and has been in the US all his life.  I looked at him and he was just puzzled why I was giving him the duh look.  I told him...what do you think your 3 youngest are going to hear one day?  When we're not around and they're older I'm sure at some point in their lives someone will tell them how great their English is and without any accent....other than a little southernish twang.  He never even realized it.  You can definitely tell who browses the internet and who only gets on when ABSOLUTELY necessary.

I think mostly I've thought about it because I'm the one most likely to approach an Asian person to find out if they're Korean.  But, as we've gone further through our adoptive lives I've done it less and less as I realized how invaded they may feel or offended or how hard it is to phrase it since they could be newly here and truly immigrants or they could have been born here or adopted.  There are just too many options, so I have learned to quietly smile and walk on.

Business as usual

Cole and Jaemin and I were all home this week one day.  We all 3 had fevers, real low, on the same night.  I figured Cole had strep again, so I took both boys in since Jaemin had been coughing for so long.  Cole definitely had strep, but the doctor didn't want to put Jaemin through the test, so since he either had strep, sinus infection and/or bronchitis he put all 3 of us on meds.  Cole and I were feeling better pretty quickly, but Friday was still really rough on Jaemin.  I had called the doc on Friday to see if it was his acid reflux getting worse or what he thought.  They finally called back and decided that we need to seriously look into his allergies.  We know he's allergic to blueberries and strawberries.  He's also allergic to all sunscreens we've tried...including my mother-in-laws that has nothing added in it because of her allergies.

They're supposed to call back tomorrow after they find someone to look into the foods and someone willing to see a child under 2 years old.  I'm debating taking him to a pediatric gastroenterologist too.  But, I'm not sure what that would entail.  I don't want them scoping him right now and putting him through that if we don't need to.  I'll see what they say regarding an allergist first.  He was wheezing from time-to-time yesterday, so I used the nebulizer yesterday and today and it worked wonders.  Yesterday he was scared of it and today he just sat down and inhaled.  His cough sounds so much better!  Acid reflux is just not good for anybody, so hopefully we can figure out the cause for him.

Chelsi is still awaiting her follow-up.  They don't think her birth defect is causing her problems and we've got her on daily cranberry juice to make sure she has no further infections.  I'm hoping they're going to have more information for us in July.

Got a scare tonight

I was checking emails tonight and we had one from one of our agencies.  Out of the blue, so of course, my mind wandered for a quick second all I could think was "please no sibling call again".  Luckily it was just them asking if we would talk to someone else who had gotten one and wasn't sure what to do. 

Don't get me wrong, it's great that Korea finds the families, but I do pray we get no more.  We have Jaemin and we love him and we're good and complete. 

Whew!

Another new word

Finally, Jaemin is really blossoming with the words he's able to say.  He says more and more each day.

His new word this week was "hhaa  pppyyy".  I asked if he was a happy boy and he nodded and repeated it.  I would want one of his first words to be nothing different than for him to tell me he was happy.  Since he could make a two syllable word out with the 'e' sound on the end we got him to say Chelsi too.  It wasn't great, but he definitely tried.  So now he says everyone's name.  And, yeah, he says Kaelin's, but for some reason when we tell him to say K or Kaelin he says @$$ everytime.  Don't know where or why that came to be, but that's what he says.  He's such a little stinker!

Another 1st

Jaemin went to his 1st Cardinals game.  He did SO well!  We got there 2 hours early for the food (free buffet) and got to our seats 1/2 hour before game time.  He was people watching most of the time and clapped and even got to yell "charge" a few times before he fell asleep.  He slept about 1 hour of the game.  Chelsi slept about the last 45 minutes of the game, which ironically were the best.  After 2 extra innings they won!  Chelsi was still raising her arms and cheering as we walked into the bathroom before we left.

I missed it because I was playing with Jaemin a bit, but Pujols hit a homerun in the first innings and Chelsi jumped to her feet and yelled.  The guys in front of us got a kick out of her enthusiasm for the game.  She was a chargin' fool!  All in all there were no meltdowns from anyone and all the kids got an autograph of Kerry Robinson.  He no longer plays, but he was there for autographs for the day.  They all got their hats signed (I got Brian's signed), we brought baseballs for each kid to sign and he gave us cards.  We had him sign Jae's shirt, so we won't be rummage saling that one off.  I got a baseball card signed for Lois too....just in case she doesn't already have him.  The kids all said they had a great time!  Next game is above the Cards bullpen....fun!

Sometimes medical stuff feels like it dominates your day

It doesn't help that I'm in that field, somewhat, but when home life creeps in there it gets harder.

We had our dental visits tonight and thank goodness the dentist took pity on us this year and gave us two kids free.  We're completely private pay without dental insurance, so it can get real expensive with just the basics.  He saves our butts usually.  But, he says Cole has crowded teeth.  Well, we were told Chase would need an expander and braces 3 years ago.  After 2 years of free observations we found out how much it was going to cost and well, over $7,000 is WAY too much.  That's with a 2nd opinion too.  No one is cheaper.  So, do you really think a family with 5 kids can afford $14,000 worth of braces on the first 2 kids?!  Are you crazy!  What if one of the youngers has a real problem that will cause medical damage due to their teeth.  Unfortunately, that's where the money has to be spent.  As much as people want to think you have to do it, you don't and sometimes just can't.  We can't.  And the boys don't want them either.  I know we're bad parents for not doing this, but we barely make $70,000/year/together, do you think we can afford it and eat?!

I also called Cole's pediatric cardiologist's office today since I knew he was retiring this summer and his visit is in 2 weeks.  I wanted to find out who the replacement was.  They gave me a name and I did some research and do not feel comfortable with him, so after 13 years we not only have to find a new pediatric cardiologist we have to find a new hospital and drive further to another city.  Fun!  But, if I don't feel comfortable with someone who holds my son's life in their hands, no way is he going.  He doesn't have chronic heart problems, but teen years is when I was told he may need open heart again.  Now, that he's 13 I take it more seriously and need to feel good with our specialist.  Pray for a good decision by us for the right doctor.  We're making the appointment tomorrow.

Lisa

Little triumphs

Parenting is full of repetition.  We repeat ourselves, what feels like, a hundred million times.  And about 10 of those times we get listened to.   But, sometimes it eventually sinks in.  The big boys have had curfews on coming back from the neighbors or just coming in the past few days and they have done so great at actually doing it instead of getting the usual answer, after coming in late, of "I forgot" or "I didn't know what time it was", etc.  Tonight they even picked up the limbs in the yard before coming in like we asked.  Such minor things, really, but they feel like major accomplishments.

It's times like these that you sit back and think that maybe, just maybe, some of what you are repeating is going somewhere.  And maybe they will hear your voice in the back of their minds as they are faced with choices.  One can hope.

Apparently Grandpas are VERY special!

Jaemin loves his grandpas.  In fact, when we pull onto my mom's road he starts yelling it.  He knows where we're going.  Today, I picked him up after work instead of dad.  They were outside playing and the door to the garage was open, so grandpa was home and working.  Jae made a b-line for the door and I thought he was going to go in and run away from me, but he so sweetly stopped at the door and started waving and saying bye-bye to grandpa.  Then, he turned around and put his arms up for me to pick him up.

And at night, he has decided he likes the book "Goodnight Moon".  So now I lay in his bed with him and he lets me read it to him every night.  Then, he just lies on his side with puppy and moo cow and listens to his music until he goes to sleep.  He is such a sweetheart and absolutely melts this heart!

Lisa

Kate's back

I saw that Kate Plus 8 (without Jon) is back.  WHY?!!  Who seriously watches her anymore?  What's so hard about being a millionaire diva?  I don't care if you have 8 kids or not.  You have someone to cook for you, clean for you and help with the kids, what's so gosh darn hard?  Why put those kids out there year after year?  Are you teaching them something?  No.  So what is the point again?

Geesh!

Rock Star!

You would think my two littlest were rock stars. 

Last night we went to a sushi place that happens to serve some Korean on the side, for Jaemin's 1st Gotcha Day.  I noticed the name tags were in Korean, so I asked if there were in Koreans that worked there.  A few guys walked out and then a couple of ladies.  One of the guys and one of the older ladies (ajumma) knew English the best.  Ajumma has been in the US for 30 years.  They loved Chelsi's face.  She must have a preferable face to Koreans because she often gets her face touched and told how beautiful her face is.  She's always been this way.  Jaemin just flirted with the girls with his great smile.  They loved it every time he turned around in his seat to smile at them all as they spoke in Korean.  He LOVES being around Asians.  He doesn't want to be held, but he loves being surrounded.  We were the only ones there, as it was an early dinner, so we were there for 1 1/2 hours talking.

Then, right before we left they brought out dessert.  One of the younger guys had taken an orange and an apple and made these elaborate creations.  He cored out the orange and slided the core into tiny circles.  Then, they had one big crane or swan out of the apple and tiny ones in front separated by fruit dipping sauce.  Then, on the orange he took the peel that he had cut off, that was circular and scraped it and made the whole orange into a bear.  It was so cool...I wish we could have taken pictures.

I asked if there were very many Koreans in the area that they knew of and Ajumma said about 15 or so.  WOW!  That's not many.  I so wish there were more.  It was fun to talk about Seoul.  The younger lady has not been away from Korea long, so she couldn't understand as much of what I said, but we chatted about Seoul a bit.

Wish we could afford to go out more.

Lisa

crazy, crazy life

My goodness our lives have changed a lot since we married 15 years ago.  Who would have thought all this could happen in such a short amount of time, really?  We've been through 2 births, 3 adoptions, 1 loss of a child, Cole's open-heart surgery, other various surgeries between all of us, Brian's accident and of those 3 adoptions our surprise baby Jaemin.

Just several months ago I was worried about his attachment.  It wasn't what I was wanting to see yet.  I knew that could still change and come with time, but I was worried.  The girls were past that point by then, so that didn't help my worry.  I was in new waters.  He just fought us so much in the beginning and honestly wore me out.  I trudged on through the hitting and scratching and slapping as he tried to push me away.  I think it was Jaemin's reaction to being scared someone he loves might leave again.  I kept this in my mind each time he did it and each time I got down because I worried we may never get there.  Where there is, I didn't know, but I knew it was a better place and would feel right when we arrived.

I can now say I feel we have landed at our destination.  Just like, one year ago today, the four of us (Chelsi, Kaelin, Lois and I) stepped off that airplane with 5 instead of 4.  The night before we left Korea Jaemin was so upset with the new transition that he threw up a couple of times.  He also threw up on the plane.  Now, granted, he has a weak gag reflex and does this easily anyways, that's how upset he was.  I've had so many fears over the last year and I've been SO sleep deprived.  We are just now getting to the point that we get several good nights sleep in a month between all 5.

So, was it worth it.  It's ALWAYS worth it.  Even if you have your doubts from time-to-time in your journey, they're usually in the worst, most vulnerable moments.  It's always worth it.  Everything in my life has been worth all we've gone through above.  Jaemin IS worth everything!  So, one year after stepping off that plane after a 15 hour commute (in the air), my son is here with us and it's like he was never missing.  He's always been a part of our family in my heart and soul.  We love you Jaemin and you are what life is about.  You are our little boy and we love you to no end!

Flashback!!

One year ago today, I met such a handsome little fellow.  I fell in love immediately and I love him even more now.

One year ago in Korea.

New Pics

Took Jae outside real quick for some snaps.

So super sweet

Kind of personal, but I was writing my annual letters to send to Korea for the foster moms and birth families and Kaelin wrote to her foster mom.  Her foster mom has requested her to write her own letter this year, so she wrote a few short sentences, I had them translated and then she wrote them in both Hangul and English...thank you Denise.

So after she writes them, she brings me the papers and the whole bottom half of the Hangul letter is decorated.  In one corner, though, is an outline of her hand.  Inside she wrote "This is my hand.  And this is how big it is.  This is my left hand."  Is that not super sweet and enough to cry?

Lisa

Creative Kids

I'm pretty sure Chase was the mastermind behind this, but I think all 3 boys participated.  Chase is our resident, take things apart, figure them out and fix-it guy....at barely 10.

Does this big wheels look right to you?

Apparently, they had finally worn ours out...it's everything except the back wheels, I believe....running it down the hill so many times.  Neighborn H's was broken as well, or I think his sister's, so the boys stripped them and merged them together.  They love the new toy!

Teaching Money to Children

So, a few months ago or so, I entered an essay contest to win cash.  It was 5 essay questions on teaching responsibility with money to your children.  I had read about the couple of past winners and they were all single moms, so while I thought we had no chance, I entered anyways.  So glad we've been doing what we've been doing with our 5 kids!

Turns out we won!  We won $1,000.  In the essays you just had write (without going over the character limit) how you teach this to your children.  Well, we all know where that money is going/went!

http://chaostimes5.blogspot.com/p/tickets-to-korea.html

What memories

One year ago tomorrow is the day we found out we could leave to go get Jaemin.  But, it was actually the kids' last day of school I found out.  I was at the kids' awards assembly when I found out we could leave, so as soon as I got back to work we got our arrangements made and we left the very next morning...Saturday morning at 3:00 am.  I was watching Kaelin and Chase receive their awards again this year and all I could do after I left school was think about that call one year ago and how hard it was in the beginning and how much things have changed and how much I wouldn't change a thing.  And wow....was that trip amazing and life changing for all 3 of us that left this house. 

I can't believe Korea is a memory from 1 year ago.  I would love to go there every year if I could.  I would even choose that over the beach, which is saying A LOT.  I miss you Korea.

Does it come with age?

I mean the intensity of love for each child?  I just got in bed after checking on Jaemin for the night.  I could just lay by him for hours and look at his perfectness.  I can't help but think about another woman, half way around the world, that doesn't get the wonderful experiences I get.  I get all of it and I am SO lucky.  Everyday gets better and better with him.  He smiles more, he shows his true self more and he IS funny!

I get so much out of all of them.  Chelsi had her last night of gymnastics and we had to stop and get a new flat iron for me afterward because mine literally fell apart this morning.  So we walk in to the plethora of flat irons and she immediately notices the exact one I have.  She's that observant and that smart!  I get her too and I am lucky.

Kaelin, well she is always in her own happy little, giggly world.  She's figured out that if she hugs us longer she doesn't have to go to bed quite as early.  She is her own funny, silly self.  I get her too and we are lucky.

Chase is goofy and silly and smart.  He is a great kid and one of my hardest little workers at school.  Cole works hard too, but in so many other ways and is truly blooming as a mature young man.  He has SO much potential that I see.

I have 5 great kids and they're all mine and I am lucky for this and I know it.  If I could just take more time with them ever night while they're little.  I try to take all I can, that's for sure.  So if I don't volunteer enough and do enough running around, socializing etc., it's because I need to spend as much time with them as I can while I can.

So, if you're a first time mom, slow down and love them.  Love them slowly and don't rush them through their milestones and childhood.  Let them be kids and enjoy those kids and the hugs that you can get while they're young.  You'll still get hugs when they're older, but those tiny little hands wrapped around your neck are the best hugs of all.

Worries and wishes..

For some reason I get so many comments on how we must be perfect...supermom.  I'm not sure if it's just because where we live 3 is getting to have a larger size family and with 5 people are just astounded.  Usually when they find out I work fulltime too I get the 'saint' comments and looks.  Further from the truth, you think?  Oh Lord, if they could just be in our house some days. 

I'm human and I have the same problems in life.  I'm content and happy with my life.  I have the kids I want and need and the husband I want and need.  We make the money we need and survive for necessities in life; nothing more, nothing less.  Do I want?  Sure.  I want someone or something to rescue us from my worries.  My worries of the kids ever going to college, really getting to go to Korea as a family one day, the kids (some anyways) surviving school and life.  Some days just worries that we will be able to pay all the bills that popped up that month or I will have enough leave to always take off when my kids are sick and need me. 

I have wishes too.  I wish we could have a laundry room big enough for a family of 7 and enough time to actually do all the wash of a family of 7.  I wish I could work parttime and be with my kids just a little more than I am now.  I wish we didn't have to watch every single penny because we're worried our washer or dryer or car will break down.  (can you tell I've been having laundry issues tonight?) 

Wishes and worries are different.  Worries are for my kids' safety and well-being and near and dear things to my heart.  Wants are materialistic things that we don't need to survive life, but would make it easier.

I try to just count our blessings and focus on that.  I try not to let things with other people ruffle my feathers.  My favorite saying is 'it is what it is' and you go on and accept your life and make the best of everything.  And quite honestly, I have most of the best.  As long as God keeps us all happy and healthy, it's the best.

So all I pray everyday is that each hurdle that's given to us is able to be cleared with relatively little trauma and harm.  I pray that God just keeps us all well, together and loving and good people.  I pray that 1/2 of what I try to teach my kids sticks.  I pray that our two salaries, together, are always enough for us to pay our bills monthly.  I pray that I remember and the kids remember the simple things in life are some of the most important and money cannot make up for that.  I pray that we remember that life is what you make of it sometimes, not what it makes of you.  I pray that I ALWAYS remember that when I think I have it bad I can always remember there is always someone who is going through something worse and surviving.

ThirdMom blogger

If you're out there, can you send me a message?  I was hoping to be able to read your blog now that you locked it up.

Thanks.

Lisa

priming for the big post

Just to forewarn, I will be posting a gushing, sweet post about my baby boy's 1 year home next week.  But, until then, because I'm in the mood, I just have to say how darn lucky I am.  He may be rough and 150% boy, but I love this little boy more than anything.  He is one of THE cutest boys in the world on top of everything else.  He's just so funny and so sweet and so cute and so amazing!

I love, love, love my Jaemin!

Adoption Plight through the Years

I'm not an enormous fan of the New Yorker, but I did enjoy this article....though a little too long.  http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/05/10/100510fa_fact_seabrook

It actually talks about how adoption began and is still brought to other countries because of the plight of orphans and a human need to save.  It discusses how it went from saving children to the children becoming a commodity for parents who cannot conceive.  It discusses how Korea was the first country to begin international adoption due to Harry and Bertha Holt and how, later, other countries followed.  I'm sure some due to the push from US citizens. 

I can't help but wonder why there's not more of a push to internationally children from the US out of the US?  I mean from other countries.  Most articles and media show that non caucasian children remain in foster care due to their race.  I know that intercountry adoption from the US to other countries does exist, but I think it's very few.  Maybe these children would find homes if there were more of a push?  I don't know, but I do wonder.  In the end, isn't this what most are saying is the argument for adopting out of country is that it doesn't matter where they're from, just that they find their forever families?

I can't help but wonder how many children have not been truly relinquished in intercountry adoptions when it's due to war and disaster?  When the Korean War and Vietnam Wars ended, kind of not really, I think so many people and children were displaced that it was hard to prove whether children were truly orphaned or not.  What about Haiti too?  How many children may end up in orphanages to be placed with US families, but are not truly orphans or relinquished?  I know children need families as soon as humanly possible, but I can't imagine the loss of a child just due to separation through something like this.  Flip the coin and think if something happened here and they just started placing children assuming you were not coming back.  I know when the tsunami hit years ago families were coming out saying they wanted to adopt from India.  People are work were even talking and asking why I wasn't for people rushing into adopt these children.  For one reason...the chance that their families are/were displaced and just haven't had enough time to find them back yet.  I don't know what that time allocation should be, but I would move Heaven and Earth if my child were separated from me and when things like natural disasters and war occur there are not always choices to move as quickly as one would like.

But, nonetheless, it's a great article. 

How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.
1)

2)

3)

4)

5)

Sounds crazy,

and I think I eluded to it in a previous post, but I almost feel like I knew about Jaemin.

I mean after each kid, starting with Cole, I always felt like there was something more.  I horded my leave at work and never took anymore time than I absolutely needed to.  You have to know me.  Leave time is money, so I had to always know I had enough there in case I needed it for maternity leave.  This feeling and anxiety kept coming back after Cole was born, Kaelin came home and Chelsi came home.  Though, I convinced myself that Chelsi was it because I didn't think we should adopt again.  We should just stop and be thankful for the 4 kids we had and just live our lives.  But, I still felt this anxiety.  I don't know how to explain it and I know it sounds crazy, but I absolutely felt a real anxiety about the possibility. 

When we got the call for Jaemin it was so surreal and so stressful, yet it felt somewhat right and familiar because I felt like it was that something I had unconsciously planned for.  Now that he is here with us I no longer have that feeling.  I don't think I ever will again.  I finally feel like I can go with the kids on their school field trips and not feel bad taking off work to come home early for a birthday party.  It's so good to feel this way too.  Feeling like you just know your life is complete with the people in it. 

Now, I do not believe that God intended for my son's Korean mother to be pregnant with him and place him for adoption just to fulfill my life.  He happened out of human, free, will and somehow God knew this was going to happen and he ended up with us.  I can't help but wonder about how things work and why they work like they do.  I don't believe, ever for a second, that either Korean mother gave birth for us or that God planned these children for us.  I mean He didn't intend their creation for us, but knew they would be created in their circumstances they were in and then planned. 

I can't help but think back to Chelsi's adoption.  We went back and forth with a couple of agencies.  When we finally settled on the one we did it was out of specific circumstances why.  Afterall, it was not the same agency we used the first time.  Then, right after the home study process was done and almost written we found a little girl online waiting for adoption with another agency, in Korea.  We applied for her and ended up turned down.  I remember feeling so sad.  I really felt like she was meant to be ours, but after we found out she would not be our home study was ready to be sent to Korea by our original agency.  But, they had two waiting children that we could review.  We immediately felt comfortable with Ms. C's needs and she felt right out of the two little girls.  And you know the rest of the story with her.

What I find is amazing is that we ended up being led right down the path to her even though we tried to detour more than once.  Sometimes we look at Jaemin and wonder how we got so lucky.  Things could have been so very different for us and we're thankful they are not.

Christmas in May!

That's right, it only took the agency 5 months to get Jaemin's Christmas presents from his foster family to the US.  I won't complain thought because a) we're lucky to correspond with his foster family and b) if they put getting those kiddos home first, that's okay too.

So, we got a Christmas card (and translation) written by Youn Su, Jaemin's foster sister.  The letters and emails from Youn Su are always so sweet.  They sent him a Jenga game (written in Hangul), a Hangul learning poster and a Pororo airplane toy.  They actually sent two Hangul learning posters, so the girls now have one hung in their bedroom and I wrote the letter sounds so they can start learning a little.

For those that aren't fluent in any Korean culture, Pororo, the penguin, is HUGE!  He's kind of like our Mickey Mouse, etc.  Jaemin loved his Pororo toy.  We turned it on and he started getting so excited and waving his hands.  He's almost worn the batteries out already. 

Youn Su, if you and your family are reading I truly hope you know how much your correspondence means to us and Jaemin.