Such a great example of conformity

“ But there can be a downside.

The normal behavior of the tribe often over powers the destred be havior of the individual. For example, one study found that when chimpanzee learns an effective way to crack nuts open as a member one group and then switches to a new group that uses a less effective strategy, it will avoid using the superior nut cracking method just lo blend in with the rest of the chimps.

Humans are similar. There is tremendous internal pressure to comply with the norms of the group.”

This is from Atomic Habits. Wonderful read.  

They’re basically saying we would rather fit in sometimes than do what is right or even more efficient. Do you think that’s true?  I do sometimes. I’ve seen it plenty. I’ve seen someone agree with one person and then turn around and agree to the opposite with another just to fit into both social situations.  I don’t think this is necessarily the majority. Or maybe I just hope not.  

I tell my kids to have a view on something. Know what that is.  It doesn’t mean that someone can’t change your mind but sometimes you just know something is right or works better. It’s okay to be in the minority and stay with what you know as long as you’re open. 

Does your high school kid know their path?

 

Seriously.  Do we or should we really expect a 16, 17 or 18 year old to know what they want to do?  They may have dreams or some very vague ideas but especially those that may require college; that is a 4 year, expensive investment. 

My oldest didn’t really know. He thought law enforcement maybe. So he started at a 2 year college and ended up not enjoying it.  Short of the long is he ended up in heavy equipment so I’m glad there was no money lost on going to school for that one semester. (Thanks A+ program in MO) 

The next kid wasn’t sure at all.  So watch the video to find out how he decided.  Once he made that decision we tried to still talk him into a technical program because he was good at that kind of stuff but by the. He was adamant he wanted to fish for a living. 

Graduate #3 required the same process and she’s still in school pursuing it. #4 has always known what she wanted and is in the beginning stages. #5 just started high school and things have changed a lot since our oldest entered. They have so many electives offered now to expose them to so many areas.  So he’s really focusing on some things that pique his interest that he may be able to do at our 2 year college and have A+ pay for it all. We’ll see. 

I just know that neither of us completed college. We each went one year so all of this is somewhat foreign to me.  However, with google at our fingertips there’s no excuse we can’t help our  kids navigate this part of their journey some. 

A little Prime therapy McDs

 

My baby girl was just having an evening of feeling sad and overwhelmed.  Too much taking and not enough giving (from her surroundings). We had a long talk.  And then she skipped the big Friday night game and we picked up McDonald’s fries and a chocolate shake and finished up “The Summer I Turned Pretty”. We just watched some tv and enjoyed some comfort food where she could let her eyes be puffy from crying without having to talk to anyone about it.

Did this fix her sadness?  No.  But for a little bit she could let go.  

Hopefully, she’ll talk to her friends about it and share. I told her they should be there for her like she always is for them and she has to try to trust them to do so. It’s not about being weak. It’s about sometimes it being your turn to need the shoulder and them stopping everything for her. She needs them. I hope she lets them have the chance and for once puts herself first. 

Remember girls, it’s not selfish if you’re a people pleaser personality that is always trying to do and be there for others when the weight finally gets too heavy.  Reach out to your closest and let them know you’re drowning. Even if you don’t know why. 

Beginning and Ends

 In the 21 years of having kids in school, this is what I’ve learned; the beginning and end is the hardest. 

The beginning is full of getting unlisted school supplies, parent meetings, fundraisers and just getting back into a home and school routine. It doesn’t matter if your child is in kindergarten or a senior in high school. Each year is different and the family readjusts to whatever changes lie ahead for that new school year.  Now that my last two are in high school our adjustments consist of rides and figuring out who’s going where and who can drive whom.  We have no mass transit so our high school driver takes on some of the driving Mr. Freshman duties if she’s going the same direction. We’ve also managed to find another high schooler nearby that we can pay a little cash to pick J up for the early morning football days and sometimes even bring him home. This has saved us a lot of anxiety on getting him to and from. But now that school is in session the schedule changes daily and our ritual at bedtime is to go over who’s going where with whom the next day.  

For the past week the kids have been selling their all school athlete fundraisers too. They’ve both almost met that quota so we’ll be done with that. And J already has had his first game and our senior has had a pre xc meet and next week will be her first full cross country 5k of the season. All the while she’s getting teacher references lined up for scholarships that she has both started and plans to start. 

The end of the school year is full of state exams, year end exams, more sports and just trying to finish up the school year. For us, track goes past our last day so we don’t focus too much on school being out. But it’s still a lot of prep and the end of this year will consist of another graduating kid; which means a crazy May.

If you’re just beginning this journey with young kids know that it goes very fast.  Enjoy the chaos.  I didn’t always do that. And now that I’m on my last two I wish I would have relaxed and enjoyed more on the first three. Just breath and take the busy days one week at a time. That’s what I’ve learned.

Have a great school year. 

New book

 

Just started this book “Atomic Habits”.  Only got 20 pages in and realized that already this book is spot on.  Small, consistent, steps will get you where you want to go. They’ll get you to your full potential over time. But you have to let the system work.  This could work with your job, a project, managing money. 

Boy did the managing money part hit!!  If you’re a spender and never start changing small habits you’ll always be a slender and you’ll never have money. If you’re a saver, these steps just might help you save more!!

It’s another one of those years

We have 3 21 and older now. She joined the club. Fortunately she shares the week with her grandpa so we get to see her soon. But her friends have her for the night. Happiest birthday. 

 

Another year coming down

 

My college junior. I’m looking forward to her graduating and being closer to home again. 

My high school senior. It wasn’t that long ago that she was 5 and starting kindergarten.  She’s ready for senior year. 

And the baby. My last baby. He was off to football at 530 and got through his first day of high school.  Good to have these two in the same school. 

Love all of the kids beyond measure.