Surprise Adoption

If you get pregnant and don't plan it they call it an accidental pregnancy.  I guess, with adoption, you could call it an accidental adoption, but I don't feel it is an accident.  A surprise felt like a better word and way of describing it.

This recently happened to some acquaintances of ours.  They told us in December that they received a call that their daughter had a brother born in Korea and they decided to bring him home.  As the 5 Korean adoptive families sat at the table on Lunar New Year shocked one of our own had this happen, I reinforced to Brian that this is rare.  It seemed so extremely rare.  We discussed what would happen if it happened to us, but it was a very short conversation.  I said yes and he said no and I thought what's the point of any argument since this is rare and wouldn't happen to us anyways.  That night we left it at; we would discuss it.  Enough said.

So here we are 1 1/2 months after that conversation having the conversation again because it happened to us.  We got a sibling call.  One of our daughters has a baby brother in Korea and we have the choice to adopt him too.  I don't think I expected the shock and feelings and concerns and thoughts that came after that call.  We got it on a Thursday and both took off to go home and discuss so we wouldn't have the kids to preoccupy us and make the discussion any more complicated.  We both went back and forth.  We made a pro and cons list, discussed, cried, discussed some more and finally just quit talking out of exhaustion.  That Friday morning we didn't talk about it at all.  I think we were still both tired and still both very much processing our choices and possible decision.

On the way home that evening I thought about how he didn't think he'd want a fifth, so I decided that if he said no that night, that would be it.  Since I seemed to feel no definite direction, either way, I felt it best to go with Brian.  I had already told him that in no way would I be upset if he said no.  I would grieve for sure.  But, I would not be upset with him, just the situation.  But, when I walked in the door that night he said "okay".  I wasn't sure exactly what he was talking about, but he said we needed to bring him home.  He didn't think either of us could live with the regret of not having him in our lives too.  He's never reacted like that at the thought of another child with any of the first 4.  I felt that as a sign too, since I was still processing myself.  We called the agency to tell them that depending on the medical information we wanted him here.  We both knew that if the baby had any medical conditions or indicators of future problems we just couldn't do it.  We know anything's a possibility at anytime, but if we knowingly go into a more difficult situation on top of 4 kids already we just didn't feel prepared enough for that.  We have discussed how we will add a room to the garage for the older boys and the baby will get his own room by ours.  We realized how we cannot fit even 1 parent and all 5 kids in Brian's car, so we will have to adjust the way we do things such as picking them up after school and daycare.  His mom has an opening in daycare so our son will be able to go with Chelsi to daycare everyday, which is great!  I even went to talk to our priest last Sunday and he made me feel much better.  This time it was me dragging my feet a bit.

Korea responded to my email this past week answering my questions about birth circumstances and health.  They also gave us his birth date and name, which made him more real.  There was nothing there to give us a reason to say no, so we gave them a definite yes.  I felt much more ready after reading the email.  Of course, we still have to wait on Korea to approve us due to Brian's accident last year, but I"m told it shouldn't be a problem since he healed so well and we have a surgeon's letter to back us up.  I'm just the type of planning person that needs a little adjustment time for major life changes...of course rarely do major life changes give you that luxury.

Is the money a concern...yep!  It's just every time we felt so far away from coming up with the money for the fees God sent us an answer.  Now we're close enough that it's not going to be easy, but it's possible.  So, we can refinance the house and cash out some, clear out savings and get a small loan for the rest.  We're praying hard for grants right now.  This will be our answer to paying off the loan quickly.  With 5 kids, we really need to keep a savings account.  We're trusting God and going forward in faith.  We believe He will help us as He always has.  The day-to-day of raising of our son doesn't scare me.  We've done this before and we can do it again.  It's on the fees, so come on grants....we need some!!!

Lisa