This is not going to be popular, I'm sure. But, this is my blog and my opinion. Though I'm not that strongly opinionated on a lot of things, this one I am. BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS, NOT THE PARENTS WANTING KIDS. And some of this I've wrestled with, but because I feel it's right in my heart, I leave it alone and remember it's right.
1) You're already deep in debt (credit card, etc.) and you want to pursue an expensive adoption. Now, I'm not talking about you have a house loan and a car or you want to go through foster care which is free. If you're already having trouble making necessary payments and are just getting by, maybe you should hold off until you're in a better situation. Finances are stress...children can add to that stress. Who am I lying to...they do. And I mean that in the most loving way. :)
2) Your husband is NOT on board. Is it okay to talk about it over and over again...sure. As long a you're BOTH talking. As long as there is somewhat of a discussion. But, if the spouse (husband or wife....usually husband) is adamantly against it sometimes we wives need to concede. BTDT!
3) You're going to save a child from their life or possible life. While, yes, there are children who may not survive without a family to care for them, medically and otherwise I'm not sure I will ever be convinced that that is reason enough/alone to adopt. How do 'we' know we are their saviors? Doesn't only 'He' know? If you want a child that's great. That's a great reason. Not purely to save a soul. This could be a lengthy discussion, so I'll leave it here.
4) Your existing children do NOT want siblings. Okay, you argue. Do we ask our children if we can get pregnant? No. But, adoption really is a different process and can require some different parenting, sort of like some special needs children. Not the same, but sort of.....hard to explain, but other adoptive parents understand. It's also extremely purposeful. Even in the case of a sibling call like we had there is still purpose. Not accident. Unless you have no insurance there is also minimal cost in pregnancy in comparison to adoption. Though I'm not a fan of letting those pesky fees get in the way if otherwise you can financially handle another child. Anyways, when we were in process, one thing very important to us as we added each one was whether everyone was good with it. If they weren't they had time to talk about it. IF it couldn't have been alleviated, whatever fears there were, we would NOT have proceeded. Our guardian ad litem commented on how well all of our children have adapted to each other. She said she'd seen families where biological children resented adopted children and vice versa. I know hard to imagine. She asked what we did and this is all I could think to tell her. We made all of our existing children, one by one, a part of the process.
5) Okay, so number 5 is a copout because really there aren't very many reasons NOT to adopt. It's great. It's wonderful and I'd be missing 3 little pieces of my heart without it. So, the only other reasons not to adopt are just obvious. You hate kids, want a servant/worker..... Though surely that doesn't really happen, right?
If you have add ons, feel free to leave them in comments.
2 comments:
I feel that if a family is thinking of adopting internationally, they also must honor their child's birth culture and seek more diversity in their lives.
Adoption isn't the right answer for everyone.
Good point. I had a neighbor that kept telling me how much she wanted to adopt and our girls were so cute. BUT, she didn't think she could keep them involved in their heritage. She said it involved too much. She didn't know how I found time. But, I don't think she understood that because of them, I loved their culture and heritage. I love everything about Korea. That honors them.
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