But I’m also warming up to the change. I’m settling in a little more everyday. Most of the time if you’re relatively doing the same type of job and just switching organizations it may not quite feel like the adjustment I’ve been feeling. Mostly I think I’ve realized that I was used to very strict rules, lack of trust unless you were in certain circles, and not feeling like you’re adding value to anything real. Meaning your job doesn’t necessarily equate to seeing positive change to people the organization is serving. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t because of my direct supervisor. I’d felt and experienced this throughout my 21 years there and he protected me from it to the best of his ability but it was embedded deep in the politics of the organization. Now I’m realizing I didn’t know any different and just accepted it.
While I’ve had fleeting second thoughts over the past several weeks and days of doubting myself, I’m learning to spread myself out and trust myself more. I’m learning that my job does add value as I’m seeing programs change as my team members develop data charts to show progress of programs that I consulted with them on. I’m learning to treat my staff the way I always wanted to be treated by my managers over the years. I’m learning I can be treated like an adult and my team and I can be valued for what we do, not who we are; and not be overlooked.
I hope to keep learning all of these new programs and be a good manager to my staff to develop them and their talents. I want to finally have a positive impact and make a difference. Something I’ve always wanted.
So tomorrow I keep pushing and reading and getting up to speed as quickly as possible.
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