Friday, August 23, 2024

God in my life


 This song is amazing. I feel God. I know He hasn’t abandoned me. I know that this storm is by far the worst of the turbulence I’ve been through in my life but He is here. I trust that though I hate the situation and daily feel the pain I will feel Him when I need to.  I have never felt so steadfast in my faith but don’t mistake that for not grieving or feeling intense pain.  It’s all I really have to get me through this. I have so many great people surrounding me right now but this is a battle I need God for. It’s that big. It’s that scary and painful. And I’m looking to Him to guide me in the direction I need to go to find me again. I’m not lost in faith. Just lost in my life. 

I have always shared my feelings for God, openly, to my kids.  I believe because God has gotten me through so many hard times even when I blamed Him or thought He was punishing me. I haven’t gone back to that place during all of this. Maybe I’m too tired to fight?  Or maybe it really is all I have.  If I can’t believe that God will help through this I may as well stop now. No one can make me feel better. No one and not a thing in this world  will bring my son back and make me feel whole again but I’m choosing to believe that God will help me find peace to life in. 

#choosefaith #griefishard

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