This song is amazing. I feel God. I know He hasn’t abandoned me. I know that this storm is by far the worst of the turbulence I’ve been through in my life but He is here. I trust that though I hate the situation and daily feel the pain I will feel Him when I need to. I have never felt so steadfast in my faith but don’t mistake that for not grieving or feeling intense pain. It’s all I really have to get me through this. I have so many great people surrounding me right now but this is a battle I need God for. It’s that big. It’s that scary and painful. And I’m looking to Him to guide me in the direction I need to go to find me again. I’m not lost in faith. Just lost in my life.
I have always shared my feelings for God, openly, to my kids. I believe because God has gotten me through so many hard times even when I blamed Him or thought He was punishing me. I haven’t gone back to that place during all of this. Maybe I’m too tired to fight? Or maybe it really is all I have. If I can’t believe that God will help through this I may as well stop now. No one can make me feel better. No one and not a thing in this world will bring my son back and make me feel whole again but I’m choosing to believe that God will help me find peace to life in.
#choosefaith #griefishard
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