Bringing it back almost 7 years later....wow!

 I haven't posted since May 2016.  I just needed a break.  I actually quit taking so many photos, focused on being present and just tried to enjoy life when it wasn't being crazy.  I'll do a fill in post later because, obviously, a ton has changed in this period of time.  The kids have GROWN!  I'm focusing on trying help people more than diary entry our lives.  I have a new Instagram @mindful_frugalista.  This is dedicated to some parenting tips and tricks (so throwback to the chaostimes5 blog) and some money saving and financial tips.  As most, original, followers know while we still don't make a lot of money we are more secure than we were when I quit writing.  All of my adult life has been avoiding living paycheck to paycheck and finding ways to save money, make money and put money in the bank.  I'll try to share more of these things here now and help others who are in the low to low-middle class (or anyone else who just doesn't like to waste money) keep some of their hard-earned green in their own possession. I'll also share some of my Amazon likes/dislikes that are both useful or found to be a waste.  

Welcome back if you were here before.  I hope to make this a positive place to put some information out there and make a difference to someone.  So leave a comment, find me on insta for some fun reels with the information and I'll talk to you soon.

Lisa

Said goodbye

to a really great person today.  It's sad that you don't see people often enough and it takes losing one before you make any efforts to get together.  Cathy was a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was an awesome mom and incredibly vivacious person.  Her laugh will be with me forever.  After the graveside ceremony her kids, nieces, nephews, etc. released balloons with their messages on them as her song, by Elton John, played.  And they asked us to give a round of applause for her after the song.  It was how she would have wanted it.  She wouldn't have wanted everyone to be so sad. She would have wanted everyone to 'rock on'.
She will very much be missed and I will never forget how much she made me think as these years with cancer progressed.  Her outlook was never less than amazing!

Trident Cases

Be wary of TridentCase.com.  Their products can be very faulty and they do NOT stand behind them.  I have one on my phone and thought it worked, so why not order one for the Vizio tablet.  Well, it burned up the tablet and now it won't stay on.  Trident finally, though I had to insist, refunded the money for the case after I sent it back.  But, they will do nothing for ruining a $200 tablet!  All they can say is that they are trying to replicate the issue.  Right.  I bet.  They don't really care is the truth.  They don't even return emails.  They're automated email says 1-3 days, but the truth is they have NEVER emailed me unless I call them.  Their customer service truly lacks!

Buyer beware.

Funny Parenting Post

http://wellcommons.com/weblogs/larryvillemom/2013/aug/21/5-ways-were-making-parenting-harder/

They're totally serious, but this writer has a great sense of humor.  I, personally, do not really find any fault with the way our parents raised us.  They made mistakes like I do, but as a whole, I think they did well.  I do think this author has a point, but it could go much further (at least 10) than 5 Ways.  Add Facebook, etc.  Not everything is puppy dogs and roses in life, but that's how a lot of parents want it to look on the outside.  I don't know if it makes them feel better, superior or what exactly.

The good old fashioned ways of doing things isn't always worse.  Sometimes, there's room to improve, but we don't have to make drastic changes to parenting to do that; just change with the changes.  Such as you can't let your kids ride in the back of a pickup anymore.  Obviously, you will get arrested for child endangerment.  Parents find the need to compete with each other on how much time they're spending with their kids (but are they really if they're maxed out in activities and trying to have everything set up just perfectly for their child's life).

So, to begin with the 5 things the author mentioned:

1)  Birthday Parties - Never done the themed thing.  I know that would stress me out and no one, I repeat no one, wants ME stressed.  We decided long ago that the kids would have parties for their birthdays at 1, 5, 10, 13, 16 and 18 (milestones).  All other birthdays are only spent with those living in this house.  The birthday kid gets their pick of supper and we have cake and ice cream.  Not over indulgent, but it's still special.  On the birthday years, they have their grandparents and Godparents over as well as picking 3 friends to come over or 1 friend to stay the night.  We don't go to venues, etc.  Just at home where they can play and adults have conversation.

2)  Elf on a Shelf - Never did get this thing.  Everyone brags about the time they spend doing this at work, but I personally find it hard to squeeze in the Tooth Fairy when random teeth of 5 kids fall out over the years.  Apparently, the Tooth Fairy is over extended as well.

3)  Organic Everything - Nope.  5 kids, 2 adults (may as well count the older 3 as adults too) means a very hefty grocery bill already.  We throw in the fruits and veggies and make things from scratch, not a lot of processed foods or out to eat, so it's all good.  That would break our budget and we'll all be fine.

4)  Kids Sports - Yes, we do feel it's important for them to participate in AN activity.  Not all activities.  They don't need to be overextended and neither do we.  Again, no one wants a stressed ME.  They each pick one they love and we go with it.  They'd rather be outside hunting, fishing, walking in the woods or just lying with our dogs than constantly be in a regimented activity almost 365 days a year.  That's what most sports have come to.  At least at our school.  They'll be well-rounded this way.  They even have time to squeeze in a job as our 16 year old has found.

5)  Pinterest - I've seen some pretty cool things there.  Only because other people have posted them on Facebook.  All-in-all though, Pintest is too much for a Type A, OCD individual like myself.  If I can do it, I may, but I don't need to have my house look like a magazine, my food look presentable enough to be on the internet or anything of the sort.

As for school lunches, if your school doesn't allow them to just eat anything, they're pretty healthy.  I know ours are.  Our kids are good with most of them.  Occasionally, the 16 year brings leftovers to eat at school, but not too often.

Parents need to quit trying to outdo each other in the parenting arena and just parent.  Quit trying to be better than every other mom out there (the most creative, the best cook, the most volunteered, the coolest, whatever).  Try to just be mom.  Be home.  Have dinners together.  Don't try to be their friend.  Let them get hurt.  They're going to eventually and we're here to protect them from life.  Life hurts you, so they better be armed with how to deal....do it while they're still young.  We need to help each other.  Talk about our low days when we feel a lot less than perfect....you know you have them, admit it.  It makes you feel better to find out you're NOT alone.  Instead moms and (yes, some dads) spend all their time with their peers just trying to tear them down or make them feel inferior.  What does that tell or say to our kids.

I'm not perfect and by the grace of God, my kids seem to be doing well as human beings, but we have to have done some things right.  I pray I continue to find the right people to bounce my erroneous parenting ways off of to improve.  And I will continue to steer clear of the ones that only exist to make me feel worse.  The internet can be such a curse.  We no longer have to visit at a child's birthday party, we just have to post all of our perfection on Facebook.

What does a lens filter do?

Well, a $40 filter could actually protect your $1,000 lens.  Thank God.  Kaelin knocked my camera off the table, in it's case and it still smashed the lens filter.  We finally got it off to find the glass for the lens okay.  We carefully cleaned the broken glass off and I took some photos and it seems to be okay.  The filter didn't fare so well.

High school?

Would you ever want to be young and repeat your high school years again?  I know I would NOT.  They weren't awful, but not that great of memories either.  But, what I'm realizing as I'm getting older is high school really never ends.  At work, in social circles; sometimes those issues you thought only related to high school still occur.  And, then when you feel like you need to talk and there's no one it really stinks.  Back in high school, it was always off again on again.  That's just how girls are (boys don't get that and they're lucky).  You would think you'd be past that and beyond those stages in adulthood.  And I guess that's the problem with me.  I don't want to repeat that. I'm too old for the drama and need someone, as a friend, I can count on.  I mean what happens when things really fall apart and you don't have someone?  Who wants a friend that's only there in certain times?  The downfall of being independent...I guess.

Growing up....no fun sometimes

Are we growing up?  Are we outgrowing?  What are we doing when we no longer have any of the same old friends?  I mean the ones you used to tell things to are now nowhere, really, to be found.  I'm not even sure quite how it happened.  It feels like it more happened one way than the other.  Meaning, slowly you were left out of their lives than vice versa.  It's okay some days and really hurts other days.  Birthdays ARE the hardest here.  That's part of the reason my birthday felt like it kinda sucked.  You come to that realization.  I guess I'm just still kinda there, in that funk.  Happy I have my little family and love them dearly.  B says he's my best friend and I don't need one, but girls are different.  Girls need 'their person' as eloquently stated on Grey's Anatomy. I don't have my person.  There's things we just don't talk to with our husbands, though I guess I've gotten less embarrassed and started to now.  Maybe it's a good thing for us.  It's just frustrating for me.  But, it is what it is.

Never crossed my mind

I belong to a support group for Tetralogy of Fallot (Cole's heart condition).  It's comprised of mothers-to-be with a diagnosis for her baby, parents of minor children (such as myself), parents of adult children and the tet adults themselves.

Mostly, I belong, for the same reason I keep up with adoption support groups, because you never know when something will change and it's the best way to find out.  Sometimes I pose questions to adults hoping for a glimpse into Cole's future, praying for evidence of a happy, healthy one for him.  Sometimes the other parents post asking about pediatric cardiologist opinions, and sometimes, mostly mothers-to-be post because they're terribly frightened about the diagnosis they've been given for their baby to be born.

First, I did not know Cole had this when I was pregnant.  I did have an inkling something was wrong with his heart because of a mistake the sonographer made by making a comment, but she obviously never followed up with my OB.  I'm glad I didn't know.  I see the extra worry these moms go through and truth is you cannot do anything until the baby is born anyways.  And few of these kids are born with such issues that they must be addressed immediately upon birth.  Meaning, rarely do you have to have the child born in a hospital with a PC on staff.

I had not even thought of this aspect until a mom posted last night asking if others' marriages were devastated by the disease.  Granted I was very young (almost 23) when I gave birth to Cole, but it never crossed my mind that this could be difficult on a marriage.  By the time Cole was born it had been 1 year since we lost our first child.  After finding out Cole had tet and breaking down for a few minutes until the PC ensured me Cole would survive, I was just happy to have a healthy baby.  Albeit, not perfectly healthy according to everyone's standards, but it was fixable over his lifetime and he was with us, so I was content.  I remember freaking out a bit when he would have a cyanotic episode.  God just must have been with me the whole way. Always, the words of his PC stayed with me.  Treat him like a normal child.  He IS normal.  I only remembered he had a condition when he was sicker than usual, which was rare, had an episode or we had a doctor's appointment.  I guess I took it to heart.  When the day for his surgery came I was very calm.  It never really entered my young mind to worry.  I don't know if God was just with me the whole day or if I'm just like my mom and put on a brave face, only reserving my worst for real crisis?

I answered this other mother back, but had to really think back.  Did his condition ever put strain on our marriage??  It's been a long time.  But, honestly, it never ever did.  The loss of our child did.  Our pregnancies did from time-to-time.  Brian's accident, definitely did.  But, Cole.  He never did.  For a second I thought, wow lady, you should be so lucky for this to be the strife in your life so awful to not have a marriage left after it.  But, then I reminded myself.  You never know.  Maybe she had a terrible husband who only wanted the perfect family (though this disease is far from devastating in most cases).  Maybe this really is the hardest thing she's ever been through and has never had any disappointment in life and didn't know how to handle disappointment or fear.  Maybe their marriage wasn't good from the start.  Plenty of couples, statistically, divorce when one becomes a paraplegic or quadriplegic.  It changes more than just abilities to walk, never running again or changing the way they can or can't do simple tasks.  I kind of have a glimpse into understanding these family's breakups and crumbles more than anyone I know.  At the  same time you never actually really know anyone.  We are far from what we look like on the surface.  And even though I share enough in common with these people to want to judge them, I have to remember there are commonalities between us, but plenty of differences as well.

Our marriage is far from perfect.  I pray my kids' handle their disappointments better than I do.  But, we have enough love in us to always fight and work through the things (not disappointments) that have been thrown at us.  Life will continue to change and hopefully we will as well....in the right way.  Everyone changes as they age and grown.  When you go through such shifts in your core as we have and countless other families, it sends you in directions you never saw on the map you had outlined in your head.  That's when it's truly amazing that couples stay together.  I mean if you live in a fairly perfect world with little disappointment and unsolicited change, life's a breeze and marriage should be too.  But some don't just get a little ripple or bump, they get the whole earthquake.  Support those with the earthquake.  You never know when it could be you and don't judge them, or try not to, for the way they respond when they're in the middle of the 9.0.  It's all instinct.  And sometimes, some don't even respond in the middle.  Some are like me and they don't respond until all of the tremors and aftershocks are gone.  In the quiet, they realize their life has been turned upside down and they finally feel free to scream and be scared and try to find some control in their new world.

Truth Be Told

I hate birthdays and I'm glad another one has come to pass.  It's not the age thing I hate either....or not since I crossed the 30 year threshhold....just all the other implications or expectations or lack thereof of them.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't hate birthdays in general....just mine.

One more day and onto a regular day, which is basically the same, (but in the great words of Mary J - same but different).

Remnants of Korea

Little things will always remind us of our trip together to Seoul.  A memory I'm so thankful we will have forever.....all 7 of us.

One thing we decided to keep with us as a memory (for us 3 girls) and introduced to the boys was some food.  Hello Kitty Cafe in Seoul knew how to do it when they put frozen yogurt on a warm, fresh waffle topped with strawberry jelly.  I bought the yogurt and jelly tonight and made some waffles with the girls and everyone agreed, it was yummy and actually tasted exactly the same as it did in Seoul just a month ago.  

Jaemin's just hilarious about our trip sometimes.  He still likes to talk about the plane and trains, but one other thing stuck with him.  Sometimes, people that we haven't run into yet ask about the trip or how the visits with the foster mother's went since there are 3 of them.  At the funeral last week Brian's cousin was talking to us about it.  We left the oldest 3 at home and only took Chelsi and Jaemin with us.  Jaemin overheard us talking and chimed right in to make sure his cousin knew that "Mrs. Gim" is his foster mother.  He likes to tell everyone what his foster mother's name is.  As young and little as he is he definitely took a piece of Korea out with him and I'm so glad.  

I can definitely see the differences at the different ages.  In 2009, Kaelin was almost 7 and Chelsi was almost 4.  This time, Kaelin was almost 11, Chelsi almost 8 and Jaemin almost 5.  Chelsi and Jaemin reacted and took out about the same as what Kaelin and Chelsi did 4 years ago, respectively.  This time, I saw Kaelin take away something different yet.  I wish I could say we'll go again and I can see yet more different reactions as they each mature, but I can't promise that to them or myself, so for now we just say we'll see.  I'd honestly like to in several more years, but can't stress ourselves financially like we have the past 7 years.  It worked out and it worked out great, but the kids are getting older and we need to just enjoy them and not worry about every single penny that didn't go into the Korea account like we did before.  

Basically, according to Korean Air, we have enough family miles to get 1 free round trip ticket and probably 2 to 3 tickets to Jeju from Seoul.  The plan is to not plan, but keep it mind and in several more years see if it can be done in a couple more.  If it seems like a good time, then we'll go, if it doesn't, we just can't and that's that.  However, the next time it will more likely be me and the youngest 3.  The big boys will be in college or gone.  Brian hasn't decided, but he too says let's wait and see and he'll decide what he wants to do.  It will definitely be cheaper with a free ticket and tickets to Jeju so we can go to the kids' birth cities if we go that time.  We can also stay at one of the 3 guest houses if it helps expenses and that helps TREMENDOUSLY knocking the per night stay from $350 to $50.  It will be easier not planning for 7 too.  2009 we focused on a little Seoul and Jaemin.  This time we focused on Seoul and getting everything in that we could as a family for some AWESOME memories.  Next time would be just a revisit of Seoul and focusing on birth cities.  Worst case, the kids want to go as adults when they're ready to go on their own and maybe they'll let me tag along with them.  

For now, we have 2 years until Cole graduates.  Every 3 years after that I will have another child graduate from high school.  Our focus has always been to enjoy time as a family and it goes so quickly, so we'll continue to try to make as many memories together as we can before they're all gone.  I love hearing them talk about the things we did together and laugh about their memories or say how fun a place was.  We'll see where life is taking us next, I guess. 

Too much Ducky Dynasty?

Maybe?  I was watching CMT yesterday and Darius Rucker's Wagon Wheel was on.  I had never seen it before.  I caught all the Ducky Dynasty folks in it, but didn't think Jaemin ever paid that much attention.  He wasn't in there when I saw it.  It came on again later and Jaemin was half watching it.  Jase is not in there very long and Jaemin yells out 'hey, that's Jase'.  He saw Sy too, but he just calls him "happy happy".  So he told me happy happy was in the video too.

School's Out!

We survived another year with 4 in school.  They all had good grades, some B honor roll and some A.  The elementary still gives awards by class, so Kaelin got one for completing the Presidential Fitness test and Chelsi got Top Reader and Top Musician in her class.

Good job girls!

I got the job

So it happened over a week ago, but I was waiting for current management and new management to work things out.  I was set to get an increase on May 1st (these don't come easy, ever or at all, where I work) because my position was reclassed to a higher level late last year.  If I started my new job before that I would lose that.  I'd still get the new increase, but the 5/1 increase would add to that if I waited.  I didn't feel like I should tell my new supervisor 'when' I'm starting.  Seems very demanding, presumptuous and rude.  My supervisor was good with letting them train me a bit and then really starting on 5/1 and so was my new boss.  But, higher level management has an issue, that none of can seem to understand and I'm allowed to start on 5/1 as long as I do no training.  Shouldn't be a problem, though because the girl who is leave for retirement said there's only a couple things she has to show me.  She said I'm already doing everything else.  We work pretty close together already even though my new job will take me away from the bulk of what I do now and everyone I've worked with for the past several years. 

It's all alright though.  I get to keep doing what I enjoy.  I will be doing more analytical reporting and then training all of the other staff who get the tool.  The people in my new unit all seem to be pretty hard workers who seem very smart.  I'm excited about my new group, they seem very cohesive.  Best part is my new boss already seems very nice.  I haven't worked for a man in almost 20 years.  He approved me to keep my current hours, has no problems with Tuesday speech classes for Jaemin (which means I'm late every Tuesday), and was patient enough to let me give more than 2 weeks so I could keep my extra increase.  Of course, I had checked him out before I ever applied.  No money is worth an awful supervisor.  And now, we may have a little extra breathing room every month.  If something comes up or we just want to actually go out to dinner once, we could afford it.  It will be a nice break.

The day is over

and I'm glad,  It was just one of those unpleasant days where nothing seemed to go right and everything that could go wrong did.  Regardless, my life is good, so I really have nothing to complain about.  It was just a day that everything built up and I just stood in the kitchen and sighed.  Brian said the right thing though.  He said 'you look like you could use a hug' and then he hugged me.  After we ate, he told me to sit down, relax and watch Ellen and get my mind off of things.  I told him that even laughing at Ellen wasn't going to make me feel better tonight, but I've let it all wash away.  I'm done with today.  It's over.

When you feel that urge

to tell someone good job or thank you, do it!  It's so easy to forget about it and dismiss it...I do it a lot.  I just get busy and don't follow through with my thoughts and good intentions.

Tonight, I did and it made a difference.

I had just told my mom about some things that our middle school was doing and has been doing that makes things easier for the kids and parents.  I thought for once I'd email to let them know.  So even though I'm pretty sure our superintendent doesn't like me because of our previous engagements, I cc'd him because I thought he should also be aware.

Shortly after I emailed her (the principal) to thank her and the teachers, I got an email back saying that I had made her day.  She told me how bad the day had been and that she was questioning some things until she read my email and it was just what she needed.

What we do so impacts someone else.  When we're grouchy and lash out we set others on a course for being grouchy and upset for the day.  It passes on throughout everyone we and they intersect.  But, when we make someone's day and make them happy, they can pass that on instead.  I think we could all use that and I don't do it near enough.

Pumpkins....not so scary

We opted for painted pumpkins for the little kids this year since I end up carving anyways.  We still had some fingerpaints, so I figured that's about as good as it gets and they could make as much of a mess as they wanted to since they're washable.  Jaemin didn't really care for the end result of a mess on his hands and wanted them washed as soon as he was done.  Chase didn't do the elaborate bass picture on his pumpkin that he did last year, but he still decided to carve one.  I didn't help at all this time.

Close your eyes and sleep

Jaemin was doing his typical flapping and fidgeting in bed at naptime.  I stopped and told him to close his eyes like I always do.  He put his hands over his eyes like he always does.  But, this time he fell asleep that way.  So cute. 

Anthony Robles on Ellen

I saw that he was a wrestle and had Cole run upstairs to watch.  Anthony seems like such a well-rounded, mature young man with great advice!  He said everything I've said to Cole a million times every time he's been bullied or dismayed because of his heart condition.  When Anthony said he didn't begin wrestling until his freshman year it was perfect for Cole to hear this kid started late too and really exceeded his dreams because he motivated himself, didn't feel sorry for himself and pushed himself daily without letting 'challenges become excuses'.  Perfect advice!  I hope this young mans gets so much in life.

http://anthonyrobles.com/

My sweet, smart little girl

Chelsi's 1st grade teacher emailed me to let me know she got the Respect character award for this time.  She said "Chelsi shows respect by listening attentively, being considerate of her classmates feelings, using good manners, encouraging others to do well, and by playing fair."  So proud of her!

On top of that, the teacher over the gifted program called to to let me know that she spoke with the school psychologist and principal and because she scored 99% on the reading test and a 94% on the math test screen and then went on to score a 120 on the Wechsler IQ test.  She is now accepted into the school's gift program at age 6 and 1st grade.  WOW!  So much for delays from being born 10 weeks early, etc., etc.  

I can't wait to write our letter next year for her Korean mother, to leave in the file, so she knows how smart her daughter is.  No one can take credit for this, on Earth, except Chelsi and at least one of her Korean birthparents.  My good little girl.

Kaelin's 3rd Birthday

Really she turned 10 a couple of weeks ago, but she says today is her 3rd birthday because she's had 3 semi-celebrations this year.  This is just the way she prefers it.  3 days that are mostly about her.  :)

Tonight the grandparents came over and M and A came back over and she had 3 friends over after school.  We fixed hair and makeup, then had some pizza with Hawaiian Punch in cute little pink wine glasses.  They wore leis and lip gloss and bracelets.  They played Wii, played outside (til it rained) and then played Catch Phrase and then Wii some more.  All in all, she has good friends.  They all 3 seem like very well mannered, sweet girls.  I think she enjoyed her party.  And the cake, was cute.  The grocery store did a pretty good job with my request over the phone.