Wonderful evening

It was a little cold for this time of year, but it was a nice evening for our adoption picnic.  Many international adoptive families came together and one of the homes.  Brian and the boys got to fish, while the little kids just did whatever they wanted.  They were on the slide, in the bounce house, riding all the riding toys, you name it.  Jaemin touched one of the fish Brian caught and then was ready to catch his own.  He's been wanting to go fishing so bad.  Chelsi got to play with her friend Cale, so she was happy.  It was a fun, get dirty outside kinda evening.

Breath, just breath

I wouldn't be me if I didn't go through spells of freaking out over finances.  I've spent today rearranging my schedule because summer school (the fun kind) is going to happen afterall.  The school wasn't sure until today.  So, I quickly got the girls signed up.  It's great for a new kindergartner to go through a piece of how the real school year will be before it really happens.  But, this meant refiguring out where the kids will be on my days off and rescheduling their dentist visit.  Then, of course, the boys will need their sports physicals so Chase can play football in July and IF Cole makes the basketball team he'll be able to play (I SO hope he makes it this year). I think this helped encourage my little spas.

We made the decision for me to go part time because of my $250/month paycut with health insurance premiums and costs that went up in January (penalizing families with more than 1 child...up to 5 go figure).  If I didn't have daycare costs, our take home pay was virtually going to be the same after I took the cut, so it made sense.  Still does.  It's just so hard to stay within the new budget though.  Some months, like last month needing new tires and alignment on Brian's car hurts.  Some of it was my doing, I admit.  I wanted some things for our vacation...but $20 or $30 adds up SO quickly.  Luckily, I have vacation totally budgeted out, but the past couple of months I've had to take money out of savings to pay our bills and it's killing me!  I know that's what savings is for, but all I can think in my head is that it's cutting into whether we get to go to Korea or not.  It's too hard to get the money there in the first place and we're no longer actively able to do that for awhile.  I'm so afraid of losing the opportunity with all 7 of us.  You know, before we start having adults children that move out.  That's only a few years away before we have an (gulp!) adult child.  I know those outside our family and especially outside Korean adoption don't understand my 'need' to go to Korea as a family, but I truly feel extremely strong about this for us to encounter and experience together FOR our family.  Korea was and is a HUGE part of our family.  This place needs to be experienced by everyone in it to understand where 3 of us come from and the roots to some of their heart.

So, I flipped out and sat down with my calculator, calendar and checkbook and refigured things. Nothing will go as I always planned.  We won't pay the house off in 20 years...it will be 30.  We won't save much for retirement, we'll just do what we must.  But, it's time, after vacation, to buckle down again on the budget.  I guess I just needed that reality check again so I could buckle down.  Before my paycut this year if we had unexpecteds I left monthly $ in the budget for it, but the paycut took all of that away.  No saving and no extras!

You would think that after living in this house for 15 years now we'd be A LOT closer than 30 years away from paying it off, but it was used to have a couple of kiddos.  NEVER will regret that.  We know.  Just, sometimes, I'm disappointed in myself for not finding a way to pay it down like we should have.  You know 30 years total would have been nice.  We should only have 15 years left and we have 29.  I don't dwell on that though.  That's too sobering of a thought.  In the end, it's really difficult to live on our income with 7.  We'll do it.  We always do. In reality refinancing has been our family blessing!  I mean, in reality, what would we have done without the ability to refinance?  Which kid would we NOT have?  I wouldn't want to choose.  That's what brings me out of my funks always; MY KIDS.

Okay, I'm back!

My middle baby boy turned 11! Oh my, where did the time go? I brought him home from the hospital on Mother's Day 11 years ago. He was an AWESOME Mother's Day present. I will never forget that day and how happy I was.

Happy Birthday Chase!

We love you!

Pacing, pacing, flapping frustration!

I'm just venting...just need to vent.  Sometimes, just sometimes it really drives me crazy when J paces (really it's running) from one end of the room to the other...over and over and over and over and over..... you get the idea.  He flaps, flaps, flaps....again you get the idea.  For some reason it's worse today.  I don't know if he just didn't get enough energy out or what.  It's days like these that even though the specialists decided he's not on the autism spectrum, I can't help but still have a tinge of fear he may really be?  I love, love, love him more than anything.  He's my baby boy, there's no doubt, but I have not been able to stop him all day.  Hoping tomorrow is better for him.  Hoping that some day whatever overstimulation or understimulation he's needing or having is rectified.  I'm hoping some day his body figures out how to regulate itself.  Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel overwhelmed between my anticipation of not knowing when Cole's surgery is coming and not really knowing what's going on with Jaemin and his GERD and whether this is truly causing some of these symptoms.  I was reading over the side effects of ranitidine with a nurse friend of ours and weird body movements are a rare effect.  I'm just hoping that this next specialist will help us figure it out.

Oh, did I even mention that whole ordeal?  We had Jaemin's evaluation with the autism specialists on 4/21.  She recommended changing his GERD meds.  So I called his gastro and they called back on Good Friday and said no...we needed to see him and talk to him in person.  His autism specialist (development pediatrician) felt it was worth a try to switch is meds on the off chance that it was causing some of his behaviors since it began around the same time.  I told the nurse that I wasn't going to pay $100 to come in just to talk to the doc.  I wanted to know what he was going to do.  She had no answers.  She called the next Monday and went through this again and again the next Wednesday.  I finally told them I was really irritated that they kept calling me.  I was looking into alternatives on my own at that point because I was so frustrated with a doctor who can't seem to tell you what the next step was.  Not to mention that they decided that my not wanting to pay $100 to talk to me translated into not being able to and they called social services on our behalf.  I was TICKED!

So, the gastr, himself, calls that Friday.  I explain myself again.  He does nothing but reiterates that I need to bring him in for an exam.  Explains nothing else.  Finally after 45 minutes of conversation he tells me that we need to confirm he's still refluxing and there IS a test.  Well, halleluja!  Needless to say he will not be the one doing it.  After talking to another friend of ours who has brought their child to the same gastro and also were unhappy we switched to another children's hospital further away as we have no other choices here.  She loved the gastro she saw there and how thorough he was.  I emailed the hospital and they called me the next day.  They explained exactly what to expect and said the very same doctor our friend liked so well is the one in the group we'd see due to his specialty.  I take that as a sign from God.  So, next month, if they get the records transferred in time, we'll be driving 2 1/2 hours to this hospital for a consult.  Then, back again to stay over for a probe and possible other tests (they mentioned ultrasounds and such).  I'm so happy someone is finally helping us with him and not ignoring me AND THEN blaming us insinuating we're neglectful parents.  ARE YOU SERIOUS? 

We may not be perfect parents, but the one thing we are is careful with our kids' health with all the needs they have.  I take this extremely personally when you insult my mothering.  And please, please listen to me as far as medical goes.  I know my kids best!

You mean, he really would do this for me?

I knew under that tween exterior he was still a momma's boy!

Chase was always a bit of a momma's boy.  He was my little cuddler (like Jaemin is now) and still, from time-to-time, kisses me on he lips when he goes to bed.  But, it gets less and less as he gets older.  You know it's just embarrassing to 'like' you mom when you're almost 11!

But, now I know he still loves me!  We went to Bass Pro tonight so the 3 boys could spend their gift card money they've each been saving.  Cole spent all of his, plus his saved cash for a rifle he'd been wanting, so he could have his own for the fall hunting season.  Jaemin spent all $25 of his on a shirt he picked out (frogs, snails and fish tails; that's what little boys are made of) and a stuffed fish we named Squishy to sleep with.  Chase, as usual was very sparing with his gift cards.  He had $77 on his and he spent under $25.  But, here's where I know he still loves me like the momma's boy I know he is.  I just said, 'oh it would be nice if one of you boys bought me a shirt for Mother's Day'.  Later, Chase said he would, but I said 'don't worry about it'.  Then, I found a hat that would keep the sun off my head and shoulders on vacation so I won't get anymore skin cancer.  I was hemhawin' around about spending the $20 it cost.  He put it in his basket to buy for me.  He was pretty insistent, but in the end I won.  If it had been $10, I would have let him, but I wasn't going to let him spend on my hat what he spent on several fishing items.  The gesture was the sweetest.

He may be turning 11 next week, but he's still one of my baby boys!  I love you Chasie!

For old time's sake, last years' field trip pic on his 10th birthday.

Oh me, Oh my!

I have two that like the spotlight now.  Not that Kaelin, I think, will ever crave it as much as Chelsi....she's just not near the clown Chelsi is.  And, honestly, she shocked me tonight.  She signed up for 2nd grade honor choir a couple of months ago.  I'm always for it when they find an interest and so far this one is almost always on school time, so no problem.  It did surprise me a bit, but cool.  So, tonight was the school talent show and the choirs for the grades had to perform.  As far as I knew that was going to be it, so I'd actually planned on leaving after Kaelin sang.  After her group sings, she runs in to find me and tells me that she's going to go on stage with her friends.  Oooookkkkaaaayyy? 

Come to find out, she'd decided to sing with them recently...not much, but before tonight.  She said she 'forgot' to tell us.  Not sure why she didn't....in case she backed out?  I did think it was odd that she drug out this old red ribbon to put in her hair with her black shirt.  It seemed sort of uniformish, but whatever she wanted.  Turns out the girls in her group were wearing red and black.  So, Kaelin and 4 of her friends sang 'Firecracker'.  And as always you could hear Kaelin.  I'm glad she enjoyed herself.  Chelsi was sick today, so Brian stayed home with her and the other kids, so I video'd it for him to watch later. 
Here's a picture I took of her with her group, but I blocked their faces out for privacy.  If I'd known where she'd be, etc. I would have gotten a better picture than a microphone in her face.  Oh well, this camera is not that great in low light anyways...but we'll always have the video.

An angel....just an angel

We had Kaelin's 1st Communion. This is one the sacraments in the Catholic faith.  She is now allowed to accept communion; yet another step to accepting Jesus.  She picked out her pretty white dress and shoes.  I took my veil from my wedding to her dad and she and I cut it up and rearranged it for her veil.  I put her hair in an updo this morning and we went to mass.  She was absolutely stunning.  She looked and acted so mature.  She usually slouches and messes around in church, but she didn't today.  It was serious to her.  My, my is she a pretty young lady.  Considering it was supposed to be cold and rainy we lucked out.  Both held off until after we were home, so we were able to get pretty pictures outside, afterward.

Kaelin's friend Benjamin.

One of her Godparents.

Grandparents and great-grandparents