Positives of being shy

I was always a shy child.  I remember hiding behind my mom's legs even as my aunts and uncles would talk to me.  These were aunts and uncles that I saw often, not just once a year or something.  I never made friends easily.  I don't have any idea why I was afraid to talk to people, I just was.  I kind of followed other girls around if they seemed to be friendly to me.  That, I guess, meant "friend" to me?  I don't know.  Who knows what a child thinks.  Even in high school, I was terribly shy.  To my closer friends I could talk, but I never really spoke my mind, that I can remember.  You know, when you actually feel free to say what your opinion is instead of worrying if it's the popular opinion or not.  Or share your troubles and know you can all really talk about them openly and support each other and vice versa.

As I got older I came out of my shell a bit, but now I think I'm starting to realize a benefit to my prior shyness.  It kept me from getting hurt in some ways.  I know on some adoption boards I used to frequent I wasn't "popular" so my posts were 95% of the time just plain overlooked.  Even at work, I don't speak loudly enough, so my opinion is left aside.  I guess, it seems that it's best to either be really loud and get your voice heard, which I just can't do  OR, be quiet, sit back and don't say much and don't get your feelings hurt.  If you don't say much, then it just seems harder to get hurt.  I've been going through a hard time lately, where every facet of my life has been this way and for the past week I've drawn myself in...except at home.  It really does seem to be helping.  It seems kind of silly really, but we all have our own way of doing things in life and dealing with things. 

I just always thought that it seemed so many people were close to their families and were able to go out and have a good time with friends....lots of circles of friends and keep up with it all, happily.  I have realized that I don't have the energy to do all of that, so my family comes first.  Not that I was ever a partier. :)  I was just trying to branch out more and push myself to be more social, when possible.  I like it the way it was.  Going home and staying home with my family.  Especially, as the kids get older and there is so much to do with and for them.  I have my best friend living with me.  I have kids that I can talk to all the time and they're fun to be around, so really why would you have to have fun anywhere else? 

Lisa