I would like to tweak mine. Sure, I think it would have been better if I had finished college, etc., but that would have changed my destiny and my children that I have, so I really don't dwell on that. It's not a regret that makes me stay awake at night. The regret I have is how I parent. I'm always people watching in public wondering if everyone's a better parent than I am or we are. Do they all lose it from time to time (sometimes more often than others) and yell or say something they regret and have to apologize for? Sometimes, it doesn't seem as though that's the situation. I feel like a really awful parent sometimes....a lot of times. I wish I could calmly say 'no what made you choose to do that?' instead of 'what the heck were thinking?' or worse. I'm pretty honest with my kids about life, but am I too honest sometimes. Do they need to know the intricacies of being an adult? Okay, no I don't share the gory details of everything adult, but I do try to prepare them for some heartache and pain.
The thing is, I know it's not too late on my 3 youngest. I can change the sort of parent I am and when they talk to each other as adults it will be as if they grew up in different households...hopefully. It feels too late for my older ones. Is how I react to situations going to hurt the people they become? I pray not. I pray they become better parents than I am. Am I terrible? I know I'm not terrible. I know there are worse, but I feel like I could be better. I want to be better. I pray I can change and be better while instilling the same respects into them for the long term.
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