My son wasn’t usually home for Mother’s Day. He always had plans to be here over Memorial Day and knew I didn’t like him on the road too much.
A lot of times the day was sprinkled with a graduation, my middle son’s birthday, visiting their grandmas or really not doing anything. This year was so different. I was missing an important phone call that I always got. It was replaced with very thoughtful Mother’s Day wishes from friends and family who didn’t normally say anything. But there was never a need to. Oddly, while it made me cry, it made me feel better. My kids worked together to make the day special. I shared it with my middle son’s birthday once again which always has made me happy. He was my Mothers Day gift I brought home 24 years ago on actual Mother’s Day. He had his girlfriend over to spend time with her but then she left to be with her mom and I had all 4 of my kids to myself. We all spent time blowing up floaties and then lounging around the pool together for the first swim of the season. It was quiet and nice. I wore my son’s Metallica shirt to feel him with me that day. I felt okay with the day.
It doesn’t mean I don’t still have days like today where a song came on the radio and I cried on my way to work, walking into my office with tears still in my eyes. But suppressing this will do no good. Shoving it down as I sometimes do, to get by, can’t be done constantly. I have kids to live for. I have kids to be strong for. But sometimes I know it’s okay for them to see how much losing one of them hurts and means to me. I will always love every one of them unconditionally. I always have. Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there who still have their kids and big hugs to those who don’t.
#mothersday #motherslove #momgrief
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