Age old discussion, that on some boards become more than a discussion. I shouldn't really say age old since the dawn of working moms isn't really that old in the scheme of things. Though I think even back when a working mother was not common it existed out of necessity. Wars, single parenting etc. made it a must. Then you had a women's movement when feminists pushed it further to make it more of a right for women to choose to work and not necessarily do it out of necessity for the family.
Granted there are lots of women in the world who choose career and work because they need to and want to. I don't mean need as in they will be on welfare without, I mean need for their soul and identity. Yes, I believe this is a feeling women have, but I am not one of those. I am a work out of necessity mom/woman. When I am at work, I work hard and put out all effort to earn my pay, but when I'm home, I'm home and work doesn't need to exist. I don't have the greatest paying job either, but it's enough for the bills and allows me to be with my family when I need to without feeling major guilt, so fairly low stress, when you consider the importance of family.
Would I be SAHM if I could....sure. I would LOVE to work part-time to have both worlds, but that isn't possible. We would have to have no house payment or anything in order to afford it and that's just not possible. Our house payment isn't even $1,000 so we're not one of those maxed out families either...so please don't think we're just living above our means like a lot of America.
We all make these decisions with what we have to work with in life, not necessarily what we want. However, we go on and make the best of what we have. The thing that bugs the crap out of me is when you get on any sort of mommy board you will find mostly SAHMs....which is fine in and of itself. BUT, if I hear (read) one more time about how they chose to stay home no matter the sacrifice because "raising" their own child is best or similar statements I'm going to blow and speak my mind. I get tired of some thinking that every working mom chooses it and actually has that choice. When, in reality, I personally know they are the wife of a business owner, doctor, lawyer, etc. and I know they're just fine.
First of all, "I" am raising my children working or not. We decide what to do with them and how to raise them and no one else does. Yes they go to daycare, but it's not that long in the day, any longer than a school day, and we make the decisions that impact them. And when the end of the day arrives WE spend every second with our children. We don't hire babysitters and go out or ship them off to grandmas (though they'd probably like that if we did). We want every second with them that we can get since we don't have the option to stay at home. We make the best of our situation.
So, be thankful if you're able to stay at home. Because some of us already have as little as you can, we don't have a cleaning lady to cut and a $40 cable bill isn't going to allow me to stay home either. No loans, other than house, so what's left? And please quit cutting at working moms! Please quit making hurtful comments that boost your own ego making you feel like the best mom in the world. We're all doing the best we can!
If you are a SAHM that doesn't make these comments and does feel thankful, and I know plenty exist, please ignore. This is aimed at specific comments I've read all too often over the past years on boards I'm a part of.
Lisa
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