Just as a precursor, I wanted to say not to take offense to what I have to say.  I'm not good with words, so I don't always quite convey what I mean in a well constructed manner.   Basically, some of the things have to say are just my interpretations of certain areas of the world based on both personal observations and just things learned through other avenues.  This does not make them true and I'm well aware of that.  It may sound very stereotypical from time-to-time, but it's not really meant that way.  I'm just pondering.

I just finished watching a movie about Apache Indians.  Not a true story by any stretch....just a story.  But, everytime I watch a movie with Indians I can't help but wonder where I came from.  I've said time and time again that I feel no culture for myself.  I know of people who eat corned beef and hash on St. Patricks Day or celebrate certain ethnic holidays such as Cinco De Mayo.  We celebrate the US customary holidays as well as our Christian holidays.  But I find the blends of other cultures and customs from other countries so intriguing.  When I used to study my ancestry (years ago) I had found the mixture I came from.  This did not help how I felt lost.  Even my very German side no longer really celebrates anything German.  I mean there's no particular foods and no body speaks German any longer.  Probably since my great grandmother passed away years ago.

My dad's side is even more complicated.  That's where I found evidence of Choctaw Indian; even though by his mother's account (my grandmother) they're Cherokee.  We have never found this evidence though.  There are family stories and many of them, including her name.  His family is also directly from England with a mixture of French, Irish, Spanish, German and Scandinavian.  As Brian says, this makes me a mutt because he's 100% German.  Though I sometimes tell him he's just American like me.

So, when I watch movies I sometimes wonder if some of me is becoming of my biological beginnings.  Do I have certain instincts because of my Indian ancestry?  And really I have fairly good instincts.  Do I believe in signs and look for them for the same reasons?  Am I sort of prim and proper sometimes because of my English ancestry?  Yes, the girls at work like to make fun of me because they can easily make my face turn red with conversation.  It takes very little.  Not to mention, though you can't always tell it here, that I tend to speak fairly properly.  I take it upon myself to constantly correct the kid's English as if I were a teacher.  Bad habit, I know.  I see my very dark brown eyes and wonder where I came from.  But am thankful for those same eyes that give me likeness to my Korean born children.

In turn, I wonder if my Korean born children will have certain tendencies biological to their own ancestry?  Will they wonder...very possible, one of them will, at least.  But will certain things just come to them because of where they came from, not because of who or how they were raised?  I have trouble thinking not.  I already see likenesses to the few facts I know about their birth families.  I sometimes dream about what they will be like as they grow older.  I wonder if these likenesses and the things they seem to be drawn to will continue over the years as if they knew the loves their birth families had? 

I just can't help but wonder how biology plays a part in who we are and who we become.  The mixes of where we came from.  I mean, as the US grows older the mixes, like myself, will become more and more.  I think you will eventually find fewer families that are all Jewish, all Irish, all German. 

Honestly, I'm not even sure where I was going with this or where I want to go.  I guess it's just some thoughts I have that seem to pop back into my head over and over again.  And I think because of how I feel about my backgrounds I tend to cling to my Korean born children's culture even more.  It feels more like my own sometimes.  All in all, I'm just American.  I know that.  They are too.....now.  But, I love culture and traditions.  There's nothing better than having that to remember and fall back on for comfort.