How do I know when my family is complete? Now, if you do not belong to online forums then you probably don't know what I'm talking about. But, on adoption forums, particularly, this is a topic that comes up quite often. I use to wonder it myself and would read all of the responses waiting for that magic answer to tell me when that wanting feeling, that anxious gnawing, in my heart, would go away.
I don't remember anyone explaining it in any other way other than saying they 'just knew'. I can definitely say I know or at least am 99% sure. I like to leave the other 1% for God intervention on expanding a family. The best way I, however, can explain it is to say it's the moment when you look at your kids and your heart feels completely full. It's the moment when, adoptive parents, don't peruse waiting children sites anymore with thoughts other than "gosh I hope they find a family that can love them and take care of them". It's the moment when you look at the profile of a waiting child you realize that even minor issues can become more involved and you have enough on your plate. It was the moment when I realized that Jaemin's needs for me to be with him and involved with him outrank any other child (other than my other 4) on the face of this Earth right now. It was the moment I realized that I don't want to divide my time any further because I need to be with him as much.
Okay, so maybe that doesn't help a non-adoptive parent. But, I guess you can insert your newborn baby for waiting child profile except it's the idea of it rather than the baby existing yet? Don't know if that makes sense anymore. I guess my point is I knew it when it happened. It wasn't instant. It was definitely something that took time. Maybe it's my age or that's part of it, not that I'm old by any stretch. And I definitely think this is why agencies (good ones) want you to take time with your new child so you can figure out what their needs are and yours. You can figure out if maybe they need you and there's not a good time to add to. 6 months or even a year, honestly, is not enough time for this.
This is what works for our family. I'm done having my own. I'm happy right where we are and it really is a great feeling. So much better this feeling is than the one when someone was missing just 3 1/2 years ago. Each child of mine filled a little hole in my heart like a puzzle. Jaemin was that last piece that you celebrate over because the hard work of putting it together is over and it's time to just adore your masterpiece. The easy times and hard times of life all led us down this road and we landed right where we were supposed to. Getting 5 hugs every night from 5 great kids that I love.
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