For the 2nd night in a row I've had horrible dreams. I don't even want to outright type what they're about. And I won't. It's too scary. I know it has to be related to Cole's news. I can't believe it's bothering me this bad. I usually don't get so rocked like that. Yeah, I might let go of a tear or two, but rarely does it hit me to the extent of dreams. Hopefully, I get to have a conversation with the nurse practitioner tomorrow and questions get answered and maybe my subconscious can rest.
I hope.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Children Center
Do you ever wonder if your children center you a bit? I think they do. They make me feel that way sometimes.
While, at work, I freaked a bit at the prospect of my $200-300 paycut in January and still figuring out the details of Cole's heart issues I can be free at home. For some reason, after Cole's appointment tonight I just feel okay. Okay enough anyways. He and I have had some nice conversations yesterday and today about life, which is nice to have with your 13 year old. I told him how much I believe that God will take care of us. And I meant it. I didn't say it so he wouldn't be scared. He probably still would be anyways. I told him I still am scared, but not for that. I'm more worried about him and how he feels. I told him how much easier it was to watch him have open-heart as an infant as opposed to now that he's old enough to be scared and I can't do anything about it. I asked him to place his trust in God. The same way we did when we leaped in faith for Jaemin. He told me how happy he was that we did that. I told him God doesn't steer you wrong...only you do that to yourself. He seems a little better now. So, he's done with his xray and we'll talk to them again next week to discuss more of the details of how we went from 0-180 just like that. I'm hoping for things to make a little more sense next week and then I'll be better yet.
But, as I checked on them all, sleeping in their beds, before I headed to bed tonight I felt so calm and peaceful. Every single night I'm reminded of how lucky I am.
Lisa
While, at work, I freaked a bit at the prospect of my $200-300 paycut in January and still figuring out the details of Cole's heart issues I can be free at home. For some reason, after Cole's appointment tonight I just feel okay. Okay enough anyways. He and I have had some nice conversations yesterday and today about life, which is nice to have with your 13 year old. I told him how much I believe that God will take care of us. And I meant it. I didn't say it so he wouldn't be scared. He probably still would be anyways. I told him I still am scared, but not for that. I'm more worried about him and how he feels. I told him how much easier it was to watch him have open-heart as an infant as opposed to now that he's old enough to be scared and I can't do anything about it. I asked him to place his trust in God. The same way we did when we leaped in faith for Jaemin. He told me how happy he was that we did that. I told him God doesn't steer you wrong...only you do that to yourself. He seems a little better now. So, he's done with his xray and we'll talk to them again next week to discuss more of the details of how we went from 0-180 just like that. I'm hoping for things to make a little more sense next week and then I'll be better yet.
But, as I checked on them all, sleeping in their beds, before I headed to bed tonight I felt so calm and peaceful. Every single night I'm reminded of how lucky I am.
Lisa
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Not so good news/Living for Today While Thinking about Tomorrow
I've never been good about living for today. I've gotten much better after Brian's accident. My little reality check that no matter how much you try to prepare for things you can't always. And you never react the way you think. The call for Jaemin taught me that or reinforced what I already knew.
We're planning to go to Korea in 2013, but at this point we're not sure. Not sure if we should do it sooner or expect to do it later? Not sure at all.
We went to a new pediatric cardiologist today, as I wrote about last night. Cole has been seeing the same guy for 13 years. We have been told for the last several years (since he was 5) that 'if' he needed anything it would be open heart, but there would be no way to know. Then he always eluded to Cole never needing anything again after he entered adulthood. We also were told a couple of years ago that he could do any high school sports he wanted to after being told in all the previous years that he couldn't. I decided to let up on my overprotectedness this year and let him play football as he'd been wanting. I asked specifically about football.
Today we saw the new doc, after personal references with other patients' parents. We really liked him. He took so much time with us and talked to Cole....not me. He drew pictures of Cole's heart to explain to him and I what's going on. And when I asked about football, he said 'no contact sports'. So football is again out. He can play baseball with a chestguard and basketball is okay, but the constant running could be hard on him. Then, he proceeded to tell us something we'd never been told. Cole's valve had been completely replaced at surgery in 1997 and valves don't, apparently, last this long. He was astonished he was still okay after 13 years. They don't use the valve he has anymore and the new ones only have a life of about 7-10 years and have to be replaced via open-heart.
So, today we were told open-heart surgery IS coming. So he had to deal with being told he couldn't play the sport he wanted to and that this surgery is coming. We don't know when. He has no symptoms other than his right side is enlarged from the significant leakage from the valve, right now. We're doing an xray to see how enlarged it is. Then, next year he'll do a stress test, EKG, Echo, MRI and xray at the hospital. He'll be able to better determine when the surgery may be. So we literally don't know if it will be next week or 2 years from now. It all depends on that valve that has already exceeded it's lifespan.
I drove back to work after the appointment and went through periods of telling myself everything is fine to periods of feeling like crying. But, I won't. I'll leave that to him. And when I told him it was okay to cry and grieve his loss, he did. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could make him feel better, but right now there isn't anything I can do. I just hugged him and talked to him and of course, threw in the usual "you have to remember there's always a kid in a worse situation than you".
For now, I will just pray that, as usual, God will take care of us and keep us all safe and healthy. And that when the time comes He will guide the surgeon's hands as he did 13 years ago to take care of my son. And I will hold onto and remind Cole that the surgeon said that if a new procedure passes the FDA in a few years that this may be his last open-heart. Instead he could have it repaired by cath. Can you believe that? Valve replacement by cath. Amazing!
We're planning to go to Korea in 2013, but at this point we're not sure. Not sure if we should do it sooner or expect to do it later? Not sure at all.
We went to a new pediatric cardiologist today, as I wrote about last night. Cole has been seeing the same guy for 13 years. We have been told for the last several years (since he was 5) that 'if' he needed anything it would be open heart, but there would be no way to know. Then he always eluded to Cole never needing anything again after he entered adulthood. We also were told a couple of years ago that he could do any high school sports he wanted to after being told in all the previous years that he couldn't. I decided to let up on my overprotectedness this year and let him play football as he'd been wanting. I asked specifically about football.
Today we saw the new doc, after personal references with other patients' parents. We really liked him. He took so much time with us and talked to Cole....not me. He drew pictures of Cole's heart to explain to him and I what's going on. And when I asked about football, he said 'no contact sports'. So football is again out. He can play baseball with a chestguard and basketball is okay, but the constant running could be hard on him. Then, he proceeded to tell us something we'd never been told. Cole's valve had been completely replaced at surgery in 1997 and valves don't, apparently, last this long. He was astonished he was still okay after 13 years. They don't use the valve he has anymore and the new ones only have a life of about 7-10 years and have to be replaced via open-heart.
So, today we were told open-heart surgery IS coming. So he had to deal with being told he couldn't play the sport he wanted to and that this surgery is coming. We don't know when. He has no symptoms other than his right side is enlarged from the significant leakage from the valve, right now. We're doing an xray to see how enlarged it is. Then, next year he'll do a stress test, EKG, Echo, MRI and xray at the hospital. He'll be able to better determine when the surgery may be. So we literally don't know if it will be next week or 2 years from now. It all depends on that valve that has already exceeded it's lifespan.
I drove back to work after the appointment and went through periods of telling myself everything is fine to periods of feeling like crying. But, I won't. I'll leave that to him. And when I told him it was okay to cry and grieve his loss, he did. I feel so bad for him. I wish I could make him feel better, but right now there isn't anything I can do. I just hugged him and talked to him and of course, threw in the usual "you have to remember there's always a kid in a worse situation than you".
For now, I will just pray that, as usual, God will take care of us and keep us all safe and healthy. And that when the time comes He will guide the surgeon's hands as he did 13 years ago to take care of my son. And I will hold onto and remind Cole that the surgeon said that if a new procedure passes the FDA in a few years that this may be his last open-heart. Instead he could have it repaired by cath. Can you believe that? Valve replacement by cath. Amazing!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I decided to change
the 'about me' section. I don't want to talk about adoption right there and I decided to call myself a special mom for two reasons. A) I technically have 5 special needs kids as determined in the adoption world (if all had been) and B) I'm special because of them. I'm just a mom trying to get through life while working and doing everything I can for my kids and my husband...and of course, he reciprocates.
Tonight we had a little intake visit for a state program to evaluate children's needs under 3. I can't really say Jaemin's developmentally delayed, and really that's what it will take to get into the program, but he has some tendencies that are on the ASD side (Aspergers). They're going to at least do intake and then they can watch him in case we have more needs as time goes on...at least until he ages out next year. We know it could just be a quirk, but we need to try to figure it out. We'll figure that out if and when we need it.
Chelsi is still having her issues that require specialists, but we're trying some new things per one office and then we'll decide where to go next.
Cole has his cardiologist appointment tomorrow and, for the first time, it's with a new PC. Ours has quit after our 13 years with him, so we'll see if we like this new guy we selected. He has a good rep, so we'll try him out.
I'm also trying to research and find a way to safely get Cole and Jaemin an omega-3 supplement (I would love it to include DHA benefits). I read that this could help Cole with what's left of his ADHD tendences and Jaemin's allergies. His eczema has increased in the past couple of weeks. We ruled out his food allergies that they can test for at this age and it's not helping as much as it seemed to in the beginning. We also got him some lotion they wanted us to try and it doesn't seem to be helping either. So, omega-3 is supposed to help with allergies sometimes, so I'd like to try it since it's a pretty healthy supplement.
We'll see what we can figure out. I feel like that's all I do at night when the lights go down. I just research and research all the health things I can for the kids. There's too many and after awhile it does get confusing....at least when it gets late.
Tonight we had a little intake visit for a state program to evaluate children's needs under 3. I can't really say Jaemin's developmentally delayed, and really that's what it will take to get into the program, but he has some tendencies that are on the ASD side (Aspergers). They're going to at least do intake and then they can watch him in case we have more needs as time goes on...at least until he ages out next year. We know it could just be a quirk, but we need to try to figure it out. We'll figure that out if and when we need it.
Chelsi is still having her issues that require specialists, but we're trying some new things per one office and then we'll decide where to go next.
Cole has his cardiologist appointment tomorrow and, for the first time, it's with a new PC. Ours has quit after our 13 years with him, so we'll see if we like this new guy we selected. He has a good rep, so we'll try him out.
I'm also trying to research and find a way to safely get Cole and Jaemin an omega-3 supplement (I would love it to include DHA benefits). I read that this could help Cole with what's left of his ADHD tendences and Jaemin's allergies. His eczema has increased in the past couple of weeks. We ruled out his food allergies that they can test for at this age and it's not helping as much as it seemed to in the beginning. We also got him some lotion they wanted us to try and it doesn't seem to be helping either. So, omega-3 is supposed to help with allergies sometimes, so I'd like to try it since it's a pretty healthy supplement.
We'll see what we can figure out. I feel like that's all I do at night when the lights go down. I just research and research all the health things I can for the kids. There's too many and after awhile it does get confusing....at least when it gets late.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
That don't impress me much
Sorry, just wanted to quote Shania Twain. :)
http://financiallyfit.yahoo.com/finance/article-110102-5999-1-secrets-of-extreme-savers?ywaad=ad0035
This article is about some folks that were able and are able to save pretty well. But, what I mean by "that don't impress me much" is that if you read about them they have pretty high paying careers and/or few kids. The only thing that is impressive to me about this article is the fact that there still remain people in the US that value saving and don't live beyond their means or make a lot of money and spend every single dime and penny.
We would actually have a pretty good savings if we had stopped at our older two. We were talking about that the other day. What if we didn't have 13 years worth of daycare (sometimes x 2)? What if we didn't have 3 adoptions to pay for? Short answer we probably would have saved most of it. I'm a saver by nature and love to see it grown. Can we save anywhere what these people are saving? Ah, that's a big fat nada. The couple that has an income listed makes more than 3.5 more than we make between the two of us and then you add in that we're supporting 5 children, it's pretty easy to figure it out.
We still do well considering what we do make though. We put everything into our account to pay ahead of time. If there's a way to lower a bill I try to find it and we do it. We can't pay for our house outright...which would be nice. But, how many people on our income and family size have $150,000 in their pockets?
Back to looking back and if we had just stopped at the older two. I wouldn't, in a million, trillion years trade having the money these other families have and their vacations for my last 3 kids. No way, no how! They're so much better than money.
One of the 'savers' was quoted, and a paraphrase, 'I won't ever have to want for anything'. Well, the one thing we knew we could regret one day and never take or get back is having kids. So happy with that decision!
http://financiallyfit.yahoo.com/finance/article-110102-5999-1-secrets-of-extreme-savers?ywaad=ad0035
This article is about some folks that were able and are able to save pretty well. But, what I mean by "that don't impress me much" is that if you read about them they have pretty high paying careers and/or few kids. The only thing that is impressive to me about this article is the fact that there still remain people in the US that value saving and don't live beyond their means or make a lot of money and spend every single dime and penny.
We would actually have a pretty good savings if we had stopped at our older two. We were talking about that the other day. What if we didn't have 13 years worth of daycare (sometimes x 2)? What if we didn't have 3 adoptions to pay for? Short answer we probably would have saved most of it. I'm a saver by nature and love to see it grown. Can we save anywhere what these people are saving? Ah, that's a big fat nada. The couple that has an income listed makes more than 3.5 more than we make between the two of us and then you add in that we're supporting 5 children, it's pretty easy to figure it out.
We still do well considering what we do make though. We put everything into our account to pay ahead of time. If there's a way to lower a bill I try to find it and we do it. We can't pay for our house outright...which would be nice. But, how many people on our income and family size have $150,000 in their pockets?
Back to looking back and if we had just stopped at the older two. I wouldn't, in a million, trillion years trade having the money these other families have and their vacations for my last 3 kids. No way, no how! They're so much better than money.
One of the 'savers' was quoted, and a paraphrase, 'I won't ever have to want for anything'. Well, the one thing we knew we could regret one day and never take or get back is having kids. So happy with that decision!
Monday, July 19, 2010
To sleep and dream in 5 minutes
What a record!
Chelsi went to bed and within 5 minutes was in the hall crying a little. Cole went to go check on her and she told him that she had had a bad dream. She really didn't want to go to bed in the first place, so I guess she thought this would get her out of it. She was really tired. Swimming lessons is taking it out of her.
I think I may have already said that the kids chose to do one last round of swim lessons for the summer. The big boys needed to build up their stamina, so we thought doing back to back since no one's playing ball might be a good idea. I do think it's helping them. I'm not sure if they're going to pass because it gets really hard at this level, though. Kaelin will more than likely pass....at least I think so. Chelsi will not. She is already well aware though. She is water up to her chin, but she gives it more than the tall kids. She really tries hard and keeps on going no matter how much water she swallows and how many times she can't stop coughing after swallowing it all.
Chelsi went to bed and within 5 minutes was in the hall crying a little. Cole went to go check on her and she told him that she had had a bad dream. She really didn't want to go to bed in the first place, so I guess she thought this would get her out of it. She was really tired. Swimming lessons is taking it out of her.
I think I may have already said that the kids chose to do one last round of swim lessons for the summer. The big boys needed to build up their stamina, so we thought doing back to back since no one's playing ball might be a good idea. I do think it's helping them. I'm not sure if they're going to pass because it gets really hard at this level, though. Kaelin will more than likely pass....at least I think so. Chelsi will not. She is already well aware though. She is water up to her chin, but she gives it more than the tall kids. She really tries hard and keeps on going no matter how much water she swallows and how many times she can't stop coughing after swallowing it all.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Put the remote DOWN!
I found out there is a rule by DishNetwork on VODs (Video on Demand). Apparently, no matter how the video gets rented you pay. No excuses. Makes me wonder how many times people falsely call in and tell them a movie got rented.
How did I find out this tidbit?
I had to call after scrolling through the guide and seeing "rented" next to a VOD. I actually thought about renting one, my last freebie I had, and came across it. So I called them because it wasn't playing or anything, so I wasn't sure if something had really been rented. Well, they informed me this is the 2nd video we got this week. Apparently, "Alice in Wonderland" had also been rented. I remember Chelsi mentioning that movie, but I thought she was talking about the cartoon being on Disney. Nope...she figured out how to rent it. But what gets me is the 4 year old knows how to read, so she had to read that it was going to cost mommy $4.99. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN FINISH IT! Jaemin (yes the 1 year old) hit enough buttons to manage to rent "The Bounty Hunter". I cannot believe how long we've had satellite and never had this happen until now! Luckily since VOD is all day we just made sure we watched it and got something out of these dang videos.
So, make sure to use the lock PPV! I didn't even know that existed since we never do PPV. And Dish, well they don't even slightly feel sorry for you. Nothing. Just a polite and sometimes not so polite "per our agreement" yada yada yada. If there were a cable provider here I would switch in a second. We get so little for $63/month and we need this just to see locals!
I was mad, but it's a tad funny now. They're definitely the two that can give you a run for the money.
How did I find out this tidbit?
I had to call after scrolling through the guide and seeing "rented" next to a VOD. I actually thought about renting one, my last freebie I had, and came across it. So I called them because it wasn't playing or anything, so I wasn't sure if something had really been rented. Well, they informed me this is the 2nd video we got this week. Apparently, "Alice in Wonderland" had also been rented. I remember Chelsi mentioning that movie, but I thought she was talking about the cartoon being on Disney. Nope...she figured out how to rent it. But what gets me is the 4 year old knows how to read, so she had to read that it was going to cost mommy $4.99. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN FINISH IT! Jaemin (yes the 1 year old) hit enough buttons to manage to rent "The Bounty Hunter". I cannot believe how long we've had satellite and never had this happen until now! Luckily since VOD is all day we just made sure we watched it and got something out of these dang videos.
So, make sure to use the lock PPV! I didn't even know that existed since we never do PPV. And Dish, well they don't even slightly feel sorry for you. Nothing. Just a polite and sometimes not so polite "per our agreement" yada yada yada. If there were a cable provider here I would switch in a second. We get so little for $63/month and we need this just to see locals!
I was mad, but it's a tad funny now. They're definitely the two that can give you a run for the money.
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