Ups and Downs; parenting is not for whimps!

I have hurt so much, in my heart, over the years of parenting.  It's so awesome to celebrate with the kids, but when they hurt I'm not convinced I don't hurt double.  It literally hurts to see or hear them hurting.

Cole, came home from practice yesterday and was definitely upset.  It took awhile, but I got it out of him that a volunteer coach, that is not affiliated with the school in any way, said some things that I found less than an appropriate for an adult to say to a 14 year old.  He said that he 'sucked' and would 'never win a match' and 'never amount to anything'.  He cried so hard he gasped. That's so hard to watch your tough teenager do that.  The 'coach', and I say that lightly, said it quiet enough to make sure the other boys didn't hear it and he waited for the head coach and assistant coach (the teacher/paid coaches) to leave before he did it.  It was something he had planned and waited for his moment to break him.

We both talked to him for awhile last night.  We tried to talk him into bringing it to the attention of the head coach, but a part of him was afraid one of the other volunteer coaches (who is a teacher and this guy's friend) would retaliate against him, academically.  I could see that based on conversations I've had with this teacher.  So as hard as it was I said nothing last night or today.  We spoke to him again tonight and Cole says it's all fine he just wants to forget about it.  We told him he should still approach the head coach, but we decided to leave it up to him.  I asked him to write down his exact words and the date in case he pulled anything next year, should Cole decide to wrestle and I told him if he did say anything or do anything next year something will said and it will be stopped immediately.  Bullying is hard enough from your peers, which Cole has experiences, but adults?  Come, stinkin' on!

As of last night he said he wasn't going to wrestle next year, but tonight he said he probably still will.  We told him, last night, he cannot let this guy keep him from doing what he enjoys.  I would be livid if he quit after liking it so well, because of what this adult said!  As long as he still plans to wrestle, on his own terms, I won't say anything.  He seems much more upbeat today and is ready for districts.  So, while I'm still a little upset and know this guy had no place saying such a thing to any kid, I am respecting Cole's decision after much discussion.  He went out with some friends after practice (I know he was shocked I let him go too) and seemed pretty happy after all that.

I know I've said it before.  People think terrible twos and threes, etc. are so horrible.  The older your child get the harder it gets.  The harder the hurts are for them and that hurts so much on mom.  Now, I'm praying, like crazy, and if you can pray too that would be great, that there will be an upset at districts and somehow he'll be a state qualifier.  I want nothing more than for this heart kid to do things no one thought he ever would.  I don't mind watching my kid lose, honestly.  It's not about bragging rights, but for all the other heart kids out there and just for his spirit I want to see him go just that far!

#1 Question Adoptive Parents (and other parents) seem to have...

How do I know when my family is complete?  Now, if you do not belong to online forums then you probably don't know what I'm talking about.  But, on adoption forums, particularly, this is a topic that comes up quite often.  I use to wonder it myself and would read all of the responses waiting for that magic answer to tell me when that wanting feeling, that anxious gnawing, in my heart, would go away.

I don't remember anyone explaining it in any other way other than saying they 'just knew'.  I can definitely say I know or at least am 99% sure.  I like to leave the other 1% for God intervention on expanding a family.  The best way I, however, can explain it is to say it's the moment when you look at your kids and your heart feels completely full.  It's the moment when, adoptive parents, don't peruse waiting children sites anymore with thoughts other than "gosh I hope they find a family that can love them and take care of them".  It's the moment when you look at the profile of a waiting child you realize that even minor issues can become more involved and you have enough on your plate.  It was the moment when I realized that Jaemin's needs for me to be with him and involved with him outrank any other child (other than my other 4) on the face of this Earth right now.  It was the moment I realized that I don't want to divide my time any further because I need to be with him as much. 

Okay, so maybe that doesn't help a non-adoptive parent.  But, I guess you can insert your newborn baby for waiting child profile except it's the idea of it rather than the baby existing yet?  Don't know if that makes sense anymore.  I guess my point is I knew it when it happened.  It wasn't instant.  It was definitely something that took time.  Maybe it's my age or that's part of it, not that I'm old by any stretch.  And I definitely think this is why agencies (good ones) want you to take time with your new child so you can figure out what their needs are and yours.  You can figure out if maybe they need you and there's not a good time to add to.  6 months or even a year, honestly, is not enough time for this. 

This is what works for our family.  I'm done having my own.  I'm happy right where we are and it really is a great feeling.  So much better this feeling is than the one when someone was missing just 3 1/2 years ago.  Each child of mine filled a little hole in my heart like a puzzle.  Jaemin was that last piece that you celebrate over because the hard work of putting it together is over and it's time to just adore your masterpiece.  The easy times and hard times of life all led us down this road and we landed right where we were supposed to.  Getting 5 hugs every night from 5 great kids that I love.

I have a driveway!

So excited that my driveway is finally done!  We can drive on it on Monday.  And it poured this weekend and no traveling gravel for once.  It will be so much easier to keep up with.  He gave us the bill this morning and it's exactly what the bid said, so we're perfectly happy with his work and cost.

Us staying on target for the things our home loan will pay for (the updates and fixes to the house) are so important for us to hopefully go to Korea.  Watching the budget, I'm still pretty nervous about the thought of being able to go in 2013.  I get so nervous, but feel pretty strong about the need for us to go before something keeps us from going as a complete family.  Yet, I've had this sort of weird calmness about me since the first of 2012 that everything will be just fine and we'll get our dream trip to Seoul. I'm going to keep on praying, keep on saving and keep on hoping we'll get there and by the end of this year hopefully we'll have some plans started.  Gulp!

Kids are naturals with technology

You have to show and adult how to work a computer and mouse.  Kids, on the other hand, are naturals and very easily just pick it up and figure it out.

Jaemin is no exception.  He has his little preschool games and we got a wireless mouse so he wouldn't have to use the mousepad on the laptop.  He zips around his game like he's been playing it all along. He really does love playing and begs to get it all out.

I dare (gross factor alert)

sleep in the same room as a sick little boy.  Jaemin rarely throws up from being sick with a stomach bug...maybe one other time in 3 years.  But, he definitely has a stomach bug.  Poor guy was fine as can be and all of a sudden started crying real hard and slobbering.  And then he promptly puked on Brian. We chloroxed all the door knobs and switches and I cleaned up the chair and floor (thank goodness for hardwood floors) while Brian gave Jaemin a bath to clean him up and make him feel better.  It was so much.  Poor belly must be empty now.  He played and splashed in the tub and was happy as can be, so I'm hoping he'll get over it quickly.  We'll see if he makes it through the night.  He's got a nice little pallet of blankets on the floor in my room.  Unfortunately he has to sleep in shorts tonight because he wet his pants 2 or 3 times tonight and went through all of his pajama bottoms.  I'm guessing that maybe him being sick had something to do with it.

Poor baby Jaemin, I love you and hope you feel much better soon.

Making lemonade

I'm spoiled sometimes and well aware of it.  However, since we have a house, I get a garage.  I'm totally spoiled by this.  We've been saving and we finally have the money and found someone to do the job for the money; we are pouring concrete in the rest of our driveway.  It's awesome and I can't wait!  No more trying to shovel snow and pulling up the rocks in the driveway along with the snow and dumping them in the yard.  No more gravel running down our steep driveway onto the concrete portion at the bottom; both creating a risk to anyone even slowly walking on it or forcing the boys to constantly have gravel that has to be swept.  Better yet no more gravel to roll to the bottom drive causing Chase and his amazing ripstik riding to trip and fall on the rocks as soon as the wheels lock on them. 

They started some of it on Friday last week.  We moved the cars out of the upper garage and down to the lower driveway.  No big deal.  But then they decided to pour the whole driveway at once.  This means no driveway at all.  This means parking on the street, which has very little shoulder and trying to balance my car to keep some wheels on the shoulder for traction while moving it as far into the yard as I can so no one takes out my mirrors in a hurry.  Then we get to walk through the yard (and it's not a tiny city yard) to get to the house.  No problem.  In the mornings I drag all 5 kids to the car and keep Jaemin from getting on the street and getting him into the van.  But, tonight....of course, I needed to run to get Brian's neuropathy meds and I had some coupons I wanted to check out the prices of things to use before they expired.  And of course, the store had an awesome sale and on a lot of the things I also had coupons for.  Even the milk was cheaper and we've been going through milk like water.  So I bought 4 gallons of milk and $45 more in groceries.  My cart was heaping, but because of the sale and coupons I only spent $60 total.  I digress and got off subject.  Not thinking I could no longer just walk from my garage stall to the pantry door I bought 6 of those reusable Walmart bags full of groceries.  I was smart though.  I called Brian and said "I'm on my way.  Meet me at in front of the house with the kids' wagon."  Worked like a charm.  We put all of the bags with the heavy items in the wagon, carried the rest and were in the house in one trip and three people (me, Chase and Brian). 

Wasn't near as traumatic as I thought it was going to be.  You see, I was already kinda in a mood because Brian said the concrete guys didn't come out today, but we still can't use our driveway becaue they 'started' the rod, haven't finished the rod or concrete and didn't do anything today either....dragging it out one more day.  I'm really hoping for some concrete tomorrow.  Remember you can't drive on it for a week after it's poured in colder temps.  Soon, it will look so nice!  And no more weeds to kill in my drive!  I'm spoiled, I whine sometimes and I don't care.

Just because.....

I haven't taken any pictures of Jaemin in awhile and he changes so much at this age, so, just because, here are some pictures that are definitely his sunny personality.