Sad brownies

 These are the sad brownies my daughter made me. She made them while I was sitting with Ryder a couple of nights ago. She made them because she sad she felt like I needed some comfort food and sad brownies sounded right for all the crying she saw me doing over the past week. I did need them and I appreciate them. These are sweet gestures in life. I will miss Ryder. 

 

We said goodbye to one of our sweet boys.  He went peacefully and after lots of love and goodbyes from all of us. Our little “crackhead” can walk again where he is and has no more pain. We love you Ryder. No more tears. 

Limited time left with us

 He was supposed to show improvement by today.  

He’s not. 

He has no control of bladder at all. So we have to often wash him down so he doesn’t sit in it for too long.  He’s an outside dog so this is hard on him to just be in a kennel.  He still has no feeling in between his toes or anywhere in his back legs. He won’t smile. Yes, he was one of those dogs that had a creepy smile when he was happy.  He barely looks at us but is starting to a little more. Like he knows we’re doing the best we can to take care of him and keep him comfortable until we make the decision.  We’re tentatively thinking Tuesday. We don’t know if we’re being selfish by keeping him or being hopeful.  Probably a little selfish.  

Today though. We were able to get him outside for fresh air. The air temps are in the upper 70s so we gave him his bath outside and then got him over to the kayaks to lie down. This was always one of his favorite spots. We thought maybe he could just enjoy the last couple days at worst and at best maybe it would make him feel a little better. 

I turned on a Spotify playlist for him for when he is in the garage resting so he’s not in silence.  He seemed to like the music. He gets plenty of rest but I guess it was too late on the meds so he’s not recovering. 

My heart breaks every night when I talk to him before my shower and bed. He’s a very sweet dog that is just sad and miserable now.  He just lies there and tries to sleep. 

Here’s the past couple of days with the baby. 

So this is Ryder on day 1

 Apparently daschunds and beagles are proned to slipped discs. Beagles less so. We have our 12 year old mini beagle and then we have our mixed with beagle that’s only about 5 or 6.  And yep that’s the dog it happens to. He’s always been super hyper. Our second oldest calls him a crackhead because of how crazy he behaves running and jumping everywhere. He CANNOT sit still. 

But now he is. This was him yesterday morning. 

The night before he was walking a little funny so we wondered if somehow he was hit by a car.  We got him into a vet yesterday and she said she the X-ray looks like a mild slipped disc. They kept him overnight because he couldn’t walk by yesterday morning. They were giving him iv steroids and lots of painkillers so he would rest. But this morning he woke up very scared and agitated so they had us actually get him out of the kennel so he would calm down. He thought we’d left him and he calmed when we walked in. 

This was him before we left him yesterday morning. 

He’s not any better today.  Almost worse. He doesn’t or can’t sit up like this any longer.  We got him home about 10 this morning and gave him a bath in his crate after we gave him his meds. He urinates and poops on himself since he can’t move. Today he’s really not eating or drinking much at all. We get his meds down with peanut butter that I put each pill in and stick each glob in his mouth so he can’t spit it out. Tonight she said we could double his pain meds and nerve pain meds so we did that.  I finally got him to rest by putting a balled up sheet under his head and rubbing his chest. I don’t think he can just lay his head all the way to the ground. It must hurt because he had his chest and head pushed up all day. That has to be exhausting. 

If he’s not markedly better in several days we will have to make a choice for him.  Especially if he refuses to eat.  I have cried several times over the past couple of days because we kept thinking this was it.  The thought of how miserable he is makes me so sad.  Time will tell if the steroids and rest work or  not.

Here he is before I left him for the night  finally starting to rest.  

Such a great example of conformity

“ But there can be a downside.

The normal behavior of the tribe often over powers the destred be havior of the individual. For example, one study found that when chimpanzee learns an effective way to crack nuts open as a member one group and then switches to a new group that uses a less effective strategy, it will avoid using the superior nut cracking method just lo blend in with the rest of the chimps.

Humans are similar. There is tremendous internal pressure to comply with the norms of the group.”

This is from Atomic Habits. Wonderful read.  

They’re basically saying we would rather fit in sometimes than do what is right or even more efficient. Do you think that’s true?  I do sometimes. I’ve seen it plenty. I’ve seen someone agree with one person and then turn around and agree to the opposite with another just to fit into both social situations.  I don’t think this is necessarily the majority. Or maybe I just hope not.  

I tell my kids to have a view on something. Know what that is.  It doesn’t mean that someone can’t change your mind but sometimes you just know something is right or works better. It’s okay to be in the minority and stay with what you know as long as you’re open. 

Does your high school kid know their path?

 

Seriously.  Do we or should we really expect a 16, 17 or 18 year old to know what they want to do?  They may have dreams or some very vague ideas but especially those that may require college; that is a 4 year, expensive investment. 

My oldest didn’t really know. He thought law enforcement maybe. So he started at a 2 year college and ended up not enjoying it.  Short of the long is he ended up in heavy equipment so I’m glad there was no money lost on going to school for that one semester. (Thanks A+ program in MO) 

The next kid wasn’t sure at all.  So watch the video to find out how he decided.  Once he made that decision we tried to still talk him into a technical program because he was good at that kind of stuff but by the. He was adamant he wanted to fish for a living. 

Graduate #3 required the same process and she’s still in school pursuing it. #4 has always known what she wanted and is in the beginning stages. #5 just started high school and things have changed a lot since our oldest entered. They have so many electives offered now to expose them to so many areas.  So he’s really focusing on some things that pique his interest that he may be able to do at our 2 year college and have A+ pay for it all. We’ll see. 

I just know that neither of us completed college. We each went one year so all of this is somewhat foreign to me.  However, with google at our fingertips there’s no excuse we can’t help our  kids navigate this part of their journey some. 

A little Prime therapy McDs

 

My baby girl was just having an evening of feeling sad and overwhelmed.  Too much taking and not enough giving (from her surroundings). We had a long talk.  And then she skipped the big Friday night game and we picked up McDonald’s fries and a chocolate shake and finished up “The Summer I Turned Pretty”. We just watched some tv and enjoyed some comfort food where she could let her eyes be puffy from crying without having to talk to anyone about it.

Did this fix her sadness?  No.  But for a little bit she could let go.  

Hopefully, she’ll talk to her friends about it and share. I told her they should be there for her like she always is for them and she has to try to trust them to do so. It’s not about being weak. It’s about sometimes it being your turn to need the shoulder and them stopping everything for her. She needs them. I hope she lets them have the chance and for once puts herself first. 

Remember girls, it’s not selfish if you’re a people pleaser personality that is always trying to do and be there for others when the weight finally gets too heavy.  Reach out to your closest and let them know you’re drowning. Even if you don’t know why.