Real Life Vs. What You Think

Real life is hard.  Add parenting and it's that much harder.  Not just being a parent, but worrying.  Worrying because you love them so much.  Driving with Cole has been an eye opener of sorts.  My life flashing before my eyes at times.  Not because he's so horrible, but yes he's new and he's not great yet, but mostly because I realize the power my 15 year old now has and will have even more in a year when he has the power of a V6 engine in his hands.  You realize that mistakes are going to happen.  Accidents could happen.  And as many hard things we've been through in our marriage there is probably more to come.

I'm thinking about Cole's surgery more.  When it is.  How will it go.  I think now that we're on the top end of the 2 year prediction Dr. R gave us, almost 2 years ago, I admit I'm getting a little nervous.  I'm trying not to, but sometimes I just do.

Jaemin is quirky.  He's a little odd sometimes.  His sensory issues get the best of him and us sometimes.  Parents that don't have a child with sensory don't understand because it's so hard to get it.  They seem so normal, but then so not.  And it's easy to think the kid is just out of hand, when they're not.  Their senses are out of hand.

It's, at times, hard to see other families with seemingly normal kids who have encountered nothing in their lives.  Sometimes, I, honestly, do get a tad jealous.  I'm human.  But, I try to remember that I do not know what's in store for them or me.  Only God knows this.  And God has brought us through so much and I need to always remember to leave my life in His hands and His hands only.  I need to continue to trust him with my life.  I need to not worry about not saving as much as my spreadsheet says.  I need to not worry about when we will go to Korea.  I need to not worry about the small stuff so much.  But, real life, for me, makes that hard sometimes.  But still I promise to try.  I know we will have what we need.  I know that we will go to Korea when God plans it for us.  I know that as long as we follow God's prompts we will get the rewards he has planned for all of us.  We have to try hard.  Be good people and love each other.  I'm remembering this.

For this reason I am trying to put all my insane worries and scary ideas back away.  Way back in my brain where they can't find their way out.  Where I can't be scared all the time.  I'm going to enjoy every second of my kids and try to remember they're just kids making mistakes in life and I need to be there to catch them, but not fix it for them.  I absolutely love all 5 of them dearly.  Each one has so much to bring to the table to make them special in a different way.  Not one of my 5 are alike in anyway.  But watching them grow up beats all the money in the world.  Watching them grow up beats anything.  This is the greatest privilege life has to offer and this is all I will pray God to allow for me.  Because it is all I need in happiness.