Perspective

 

It really was a beautiful day. Tonight I think about how this time last week the youngest two and I were laughing because of a senior game of senior assassin going on. Some threats for kids to come over and using J to get to her. I had texted Cole earlier about Easter and the candy he wanted. I wish it wasn’t really just idle chatter between us and rather one of our good conversations. But in the end I can’t live in regrets. I know we told each other every time we spoke to each other and a lot of texts. He had really gotten good about that. Never being afraid to tell us. 

His friends, many not all, made the 5 hour drive to be with us. One of his best friends brought Ruger to say goodbye. We have entrusted him to her knowing Cole really loved and trusted his friend. Seeing him and meeting his friends was healing.  Hearing from these friends we had only just met of how much Cole had told them about us was great. They assured us how much he loved us and they said they could tell how much we loved him. 

His memorial was beautiful. We stuck to things we knew he would want.  Short prayer and memory of him by our deacon.  He mentioned the song Unimaginable, from Hamilton, not knowing that that play is a favorite of Chelsi and I and I had just told her this week that that song had popped into my head.  It was perfect. We laughed on old memories. We cried. A LOT!  Tomorrow and every Easter after will not feel the same.  We lost our first baby Easter weekend and now I’ve lost another. I’m going to keep going because Cole would want that and I have 4 more amazing kids that need us. And they really have been amazing.  Between experiencing their responses in this hard time for our family, seeing the outpouring of support for all of them and us today (I can’t even imagine how many people came it was so many) I know that we’re raising good humans. 

Give those kids hugs tonight.  Don’t let silly arguments keep you from saying I love you even once.  Take the pictures and videos of your adult kids even when they don’t want you to. Love them unconditionally and love the bond your kids develop with each other. 

#noregrets #lovemykids #gonenotforgotten