Complete family/Life Happiness?

When does life stop surprising you?  In my mid 30s and 5 kids you would think certain things would no longer surprise me.  I don't know what I expected with J.  Did I expect because we didn't plan for him and he was so unexpected I wouldn't love him the same?  I don't think so.  I don't think I really even thought about it one way or another or had any expectations for my feelings.  It just seems that everyday that goes by I feel more love and such intense love for Jaemin and it surprises me a bit.  I'm not really sure why except that it's just so intense in the connection and that connection feels so special with my little man.

I could literally sit there and stare at him.  I'm in such awe at how precious he is and how gorgeous (I mean really gorgeous) he is.  I always said we were done after Chelsi.  I mean we had only planned for 2, maybe 3, kids.  I guess after Chelsi it just kind of felt like we "should" be done.  We had 4 kids and it was busy and it really isn't that "normal" to even have 4, let alone 5.  So we thought we were done and then J just shocked us all right into our lives.  And now I feel something I've never felt in our 15 years of marriage.  I feel VERY complete.   Truly complete.  This little man that we never intended to have closed the door and made my heart feel very full.  I'd always thought it was bs when people said they knew they were done and complete.  I can see if you just knew, from the start, what you were going to have from the start, but people like me that said so many and slowly exceeded that.  How did they really know they were every done?  Now I know and understand.  I think a part of me didn't really let go of the total idea of another.  I think a part of me knew there was still something missing.  But, logically, it just didn't make sense to want another child.

We thought we were done and in a non-purposeful way we left it to the Lord.  His birth mother was not put in this pain for my joy.  I don't believe that for a second.  She had another child, was unable to raise him, asked for him to be placed with his sibling and we were fortunate to be that family.  It was just human choice and circumstance that brought him into this world, but I believe at that point he was meant to be with us and his sister.  For this, I pray that his birth mother reads the letters we send, one day, and knows that he's with her as she wanted.  I hope this gives his birth mother peace as she deserves for her selfless gift.

After the loss of a friend and her son (whom we went through our first, her only, processes together), I'm trying very hard to not get so upset about such small things.  Settle down and look at the big picture. It's sometimes easier said than done, but for some reason the loss of these two people gave me that insight that I truly needed.  And on top of feeling complete with my sweetness in my life I'm trying to find my bliss in the simpleness of life and what the Lord intended and attempting to not get caught up in drama and little unimportant things that the Lord looks down on.

Thank you Liz and Seth for that.  I have faith you two are together as mommy and son and you will forever be guardingels to your husband/father.

Lisa

The whole Katherine Heigl Adoption event

it sort of makes me crazy sometimes.  It's all over the adoption boards and, of course, the internet.  If you actually read some of the articles they're crazy!

While it's sweet that she chose to adopt because her sister was Korean born, it just turns into such a media frenzy.  Some articles are stating that the baby girl was born with a hole that was corrected.  But, then they'll state that the adoption was expedited because the baby needed to be in the US to get the medical care she needed.  PLEASE!  Korea's medical care on these little ones is as good as ours, at least.  I would have no problems with my children getting care in Korea, surgical or otherwise.  If she had a small hole it wouldn't have been surgically corrected in the traditional sense.  Most thing open, surgery.  Most small holes are corrected through a cath now, which is not a huge deal at all.  2nd, Korea doesn't send a child home any faster because of "special needs".  Call them what the agencies here call these kids....waiting children.   It's my preference, but I hate, hate that term.  And yes, I have two "waiting children".  Some articles go onto make it sound as though Katherine and her husband found out about their baby or received their referral when she was like 1 month old.  Impossible.  Korea cannot, by law, release a child for overseas application until at least 5 1/2 months of age and even then you have to wait to accept for 2 more weeks.  Some also make it sound like someone withheld that the baby had a heart condition.  Ummm...if the referral was sent out at 5 1/2 months of age (at the youngest), the baby's heart was corrected at 2 months...Korea knew about it.  Korea does not hide anything nor do the US counterparts.  You see waiting children with any needs from very minor to very serious so they can find the right family for these wonderful little ones.  They're concerned for the children first!

And to all those calling Katherine and her husband saints....annoying.  Sorry to be blunt, but I don't even like it when people think we're special for adopting and then adoption waiting children to boot.  We're not...they're not.  It's just what we wanted.  Our daughters and Katherine's daughter would have been adopted by someone.  It's a fact that girls are easier to place.  Side by side to boys with the same issues the girls would find families faster than the boys.  Sad, but true.  So, are we special....no.  Is she?  No.  We're just these kids' parents by choice because that's the way it was meant to be.

Anyways, no pedestals please.  She's not a poor little orphan.  She's a sweet little baby that found her parents.  That's it!  Our 5 found us through birth and adoption...that's it!

BTW, Korea is one of the most honest, reputable programs I know of.  It's one of the oldest around and the people of Korea love these children being placed.  They ONLY look out for these children!

Lisa

I forget

that sometimes my kids are friends and CAN get along.  They've been fighting so much lately, I had started to wonder.  So happy to see them outside getting along with no crying...yet.

Confirmation

We had confirmation that Chelsi has strep like the others.  J's pneumonia was not going away like we had hoped on amox, so I asked that they change his meds.  He gets z now.  If he has any fevers by Monday he has to be seen.  He's been in a greally great mood today, though he's still really tired.  I'm praying my little man is getting over this.  Chelsi actually seems to be feeling well and her temp isn't too bad.  But, we're keeping her confined to keep the others from reinfection.

Hopefully, soon, no one in the house will be sick anymore and we'll make it through the rest of the season with no major illnesses.  Please!

Lisa

It's bbaaaaccckkk!

At least I think so.  Chelsi was lying around this evening...never a good sign for a 4 year old.  Sure enough, I checked her and she felt warm.  It was just 100.5, but since she has a history of a febrile seizure now we have to treat everything.  Daddy gets to get her strep tested in the morning so if she does have strep we can treat her properly and she can get better.

4 down, 1 to go!

Lisa

Update on sick baby

No new sick babies, which is good, but one has gotten worse.

J seemed fine Friday and Saturday.  No fever, great mood, great appetite, everything.  Then suddenly about 10:30 pm on Saturday night he woke screaming.  I picked him up and he was burning up.  He was just under 105 at that point.  We put a cool rag on his head after we gave him some Motrin and waited for it to go down.  It went down fairly fast and I slept with him the rest of the night.  Sunday J was fine again.  Then, last night (Sunday), at the same time he woke screaming.  He was 105.6 under his arm.  He scared me to death.  I called the doctor to make sure cold rags wouldn't shock him and he said it was fine.  We had given him Motrin, but almost two hours later the Motrin hadn't done anything and he was still about 103.  I called our nurse hotline and she said to bring him to the ER since he was also breathing fairly fast.  By the time we got there it was down to 101.5.  They did a flu swab and it was negative.  Then they did a chest xray and it was positive for pneumonia.  The ER doctor said he probably got worse after he got strep from K.  He said he's already on the right antibiotic and should be feeling better in a day or two.  He almost seems worse today...maybe it's just that hump he's almost over though.  J's been so tired, no appetite and very clingy.  I can hold him and hold him.  He's been so sweet and just holds onto me.  He really seems to love me as much as I love him now.  And I know just how much I love this boy.  I hope he's better soon.  I hate seeing him so tired and not feeling well.  I like my active little man.

Prayers for my sweet boy and for the rest of the crew to stay healthy the rest of the season.

Lisa

Forgot to post pics of the kids (loads)

Here are all the pictures that I took of the kids last weekend, so they each have an updated photo on the wall.  Js Godparents live on a farm, which I realize there are many of around here, so we went there for the pics.