Happy, happy birthday baby

To my oldest baby who turned 15 today.  You are the happiness I discovered in the darkness.  When we lost our first baby and found out we were having you shortly after, the world was so much better.  And it got even better the day you were born.  I never thought I'd be happy or life would be so great and you proved me wrong.  I know you have so much potential and if you have confidence in you natural abilities and personality you'll be fine and do great in life.

Love you very much.

Mom

One Broke Family

Of course, I jest when I say broke because there is a savings still and we are still very much trying hard to get to Korea.  But sometimes when I see my excel spreadsheet budget dwindling down, in my head, as unexpected expenses come upon us I think of the show "Two Broke Girls".  If you've never seen it, it's about 2 girls trying to save up money so they can open a cupcake business.  At the end of each show it pops up their savings amount from the last show and either goes up or down, depending if they lost money or earned money that episode.  And, of course, as it goes up or down it sounds like the old cash register that used to be at our tiny town's local grocery store when they had dime candy and an antique register. 

Brian called me today because we've had insurance adjusters coming out.  Last week was a hail storm and the truck's paint was chipped so the guy came out Saturday and said, yes it's hail.  We also asked them to send out someone to check our roof to make sure we didn't have any damage there.  I didn't think we did, but wanted to be sure it was reported if we did.  Brian happened to drop by the house today as she was leaving and she broke the news.  We do have roof damage and we have 2 years to have it replaced.  Here's the kicker.  Our company only offers homeowner's insurance with a $1,000 deductible.  So, in my head, there I was at work, seeing my excel spreadsheet and our Korea savings going down by $1,000.  And if you knew how many years it takes us to save $1,000 you'd take a gulp too!

Such is life!

my big boy....

My first born will be 15 on Thursday.  Where did the time go?  Tonight he got his Varsity letter in wrestling.  It was kinda nice because they did freshmen and sophomores first and just had them all come up.  There wasn't supposed to be any clapping until they were all up there and coach went through his little spiel for each kid (he wrote something specific to each kid and what he though of their past and future).  When Cole was called the other boys clapped for him.  I thought maybe it was just because he was the last freshman to get called, but when they did the other grades they didn't clap like that.  They all know of his heart condition...kinda hard not to since you have to strip for weighins and they asked when they got curious about his chest scar.

I think Cole felt a little freeing when he finally told his teammates at some of those first practices.  He's never talked about it with any of his classmates and hadn't even told his best friend until about sometime last year.  He just is sort of quiet with personal things like that.  I think it surprised him with how supportive they all were and in return I think they were surprised with how tough he was.  He never gives in regardless...never weakens....always tries his best.

And tomorrow night, Cole gets his car.  We committed to buy a 1998 Blazer last night from someone that lives nearby.  And while it has a couple hundred thousand miles (close to anyways) it's in pretty nice shape and seems to run nice.  Though I had to figure out the ticking it was making and it seems like we will need to change the multi-function switch.  It's okay...the part is about $85 and I think we have some help for putting it in.  Otherwise the internet says it could cost $300 to replace.  We'll get it in.  He's SUPER excited.  It's really want he wanted and we got to stay within our budget, including taxes, so we're pretty happy too.  Now, we just have to hope that he gets some good mileage out of it before the motor goes.  We know it will eventually happen, but hopefully we get a monetary breather first.  It does look pretty nice for a 14 year old vehicle.

It was desserts only tonight and Jaemin LOVED the selection.  He really loved the green icing cupcake!

find your happy

I don't have every 'thing' I want, but I have everything I need. I don't have the very smartest kid...I'm not the very smartest person out there. I don't have a big house and the best cars. I don't have the coolest job...by a long shot. But, I have 1 husband and 5 kids. We have survived so much together and keep on going.  Maybe it's just age?  I don't know.

I just know that more and more I realize that, though I still dream everyone does, we make enough to pay our bills.  There may not be anything left at the end of the month, but if you're paying your bills it's all good.

We have survived losing a baby.  We have survived a major heart condition in a child and by God's grace he has done well longer than most.  We have survived a major accident...everyone knows how bad that could have been and was.  We will survive the next open-heart surgery too.

We have had the privilege to experience birth twice!  We have had the privilege of experiencing adoption three times!  And while all 5 were fairly stressful due to adoptions just having a habit of being somewhat stressful and all the tests during pregnancy, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.  Without each stressful and wonderful experience things wouldn't be exactly like they are today because we wouldn't have made the same decisions.

God really has taken care of us.  He made His plans well known to us; even if sometimes we were afraid to follow and did with a little fear.  Everything we needed whether it be money, a person crossing our life paths, etc., was always there right when we needed it.  I don't mean needed it for that new car, tv or whatever material things exist out there, I mean right when we needed to cover our adoptions and medical bills.

We don't have a perfect family.  Maybe when you see us on the outside we look like a perfect, loving family.  We, undoubtedly, do love each other...even if certain children won't admit it.  We are, however, NOT perfect.  We all yell and argue sometimes.  I put myself in time out from time to time...haven't had to do that in awhile though.  The kids fight amongst themselves and don't pick up after themselves and sometimes....sometimes they raise their voice to us.  GULP!  But, like I said we are family and we DO love each other.  We do a lot together.  We eat supper every night together and most weekend we eat one big breakfast together.  I don't mean in front of a television.  I mean a home cooked meal at the table together.  And we clean up together!  We're kinda dorky that way.

Our kids 'try' to get out of weekend chores and after a little yelling (sometimes) they do them.  Cole vacuums the basement rec room and their bedroom.  Kaelin picks up the rec room.  Chelsi vacuums the basement stairs and Chase cleans the basement bathroom.  Brian and I do the main floor and everything that needs cleaned otherwise.  They don't have it too bad in the chore area really.  They only have to keep their rooms picked up, which doesn't always happen, and help with the kitchen after supper.  But, once every 3 weeks one of the 3 oldest is 'off duty'.  I'm the dishwasher EVERY night.

We're a team.  And when someone forgets that, there's a family meeting to remind them that this boat don't float unless the team members do their individual parts.

I still stress like any other parent and wife.....a lot really.  But, I'm working hard on myself to make myself better to make my life better.  I know that when I feel unhappy in my life from time-to-time it's something for ME to work on and maybe something I just need to get past or let go.  I don't have control over the grades my kids get.  I don't have control over the drama at work (other than to stay out of it as much as humanly possible).  I don't have control over other people and their actions.  I am learning to let it go and sometimes try to ignore the things that, though they feel like they effect me, don't totally.  And to keep sane we must do that.

So be happy with your life.  Let it all go.  Find the happiness somewhere.  Everyone has something somewhere.  You may have to look really hard in your tough time...I know.  But, you have to look for it so you don't fall apart. 

Stinkin' allergies and sinus...I try to work

I don't know what I do different on the weekends that make my nose swell up the way it does.  Can't breath.  I finally got myself breathing better this morning and then it was just so nice out I had to get some things done.  I get moaning and groaning if I ask the boys to do the leaf blowing, so I just do it.  I fixed all our big rocks in the gravel area between our two driveways...something that had to be done after the driveways were poured.  Then since I needed to blow the leaves out of there anyways it was time to blow off the front of the house too.  There were so many leaves from fall and winter that you could have jumped off the raised porch into the pile.  I didn't want to tempt the kids.  The thought of all that leaf dust just makes me ill.  I blew it to the other side of the house, so hopefully it won't blow back.

They finished our deck this week and while it's much, much smaller than I had planned...not my decision....Brian's quick decision while they were working on it and we won't go there.  It's much sturdier than our old deck and looks nice.  When the weather gets warm in the spring we'll seal it so it doesn't wear as hard as the old deck.  The stairs are so nice....they don't shake the whole thing when you walk down them.  We had so much vinyl rail left from the old deck that we used some of it to make a little handrail for our new concrete steps.  I would so manage to fall if it's not there.  Like Brian said, this is the best the house has ever looked.  He put some siding up where we took the deck down and put mortar in the holes on the brick from the old deck.  You can't even tell it ever existed. 

Now I can enjoy spring when it comes.  But, for tonight, I will be paying for all that leaf blowing.  Kaelin (who's got a little cold) and I are a symphony of snuffs, coughs and heavy breathing.  It's very lovely.

Another appt, hopefully

Another year.

Cole had his annual cardiology appt....the usual....EKG and echo.  Doc said that his heart function looked good.  Since he sees us in a satellite office some years he doesn't have his full records with him.  So he said when he got back he'd check last years and compare size of his right ventricle to this year's tests.  He said he'll call if anything's different, so I don't expect that.  I like this guy.  He seems more patient and gives us his time, which is so important in any doctor let alone a pediatric cardiologist.

I asked him to reexplain his heart defect since it's been nearly 15 years since I've had that and I wanted Cole to hear it so he begins to understand his own health.  He will have to start taking control, so he needs to have a beginning to understanding the complexity.  It was nice that he explained how a normal heart functions and then showed him how his heart worked before surgery and now.  He explained how his patch that replaced what may have existed of a pulmonary valve is not perfect and is now not closing after the blood pushes through and it regurgitates back down into the right ventricle. The right ventricle, in turn, is filling up with both that blood and the blood that comes in after circulation through the body causing it to enlarge.  At some point, his ventricle will get tot he point it can only do so much more and that is when he will go into failure.  But, they have to catch it before the enlargement causes his right ventricle (muscle) to stretch so much that it cannot perform it's job anymore because it's stretched out so-to-speak.  It's tissue can't 'remember' at a certain point and won't pump like it's supposed to if it becomes too damaged.  Fine line.

He always seems so shocked when he asks the standard, yearly, questions of "does your heart feel funny, feel like it's skipping, thumping out of your chest or racing?", "Do you feel abnormally tired or out of breath?".  Cole always says no and it's this look of disbelief.  He told me that we're fortunate to be on year 15 of a this repair.  We already knew that though.  We know the time is very limited now.  I did ask if he can continue with wrestling off-season and next year and if he can try to get his life guard certification and he said it was all fine.  But, if he has any of those symptoms just once it's over and he's done.  I know the time is getting very limited for Cole's valve and it's very necessary replacement, but we know it's coming we know it's eventual and we know we won't get by without it.  Until then, he'll keep enjoying his life.  And the doc is always so great to tell us how great of care he's getting to be doing this well this long.  I'd like to take credit, but I think God's just been taking care of him this whole time.  For all of this we're thankful.

I probably will no longer post after his cardiology appointments to say another year because we no longer know.  We're running into borrowed time, so we will do what we did in the beginning, when he was a baby.  We'll take a day at a time and enjoy whatever until we're told otherwise.  Here's to a healthy heart.

Yummmmm!!

Made one of the best meals today.  Put some chicken in a saucepan with onions.  Put that in a bowl with a can of tomato sauce, chili season, cumin and garlic.  Then I mixed in copped zucchini and apples.  I mixed refried beans with chipolte sauce in another bowl; and a little taco sauce.  I had two 9x13 pans and spread the refried bean mixture on the bottom of each.  Then I dumped some of the meat mixture on that.  Layer with some tortilla shells.  Then a layer of cheese and another layer of tortilla shells.  Then you layer the last of the meat mixture and more cheese.  Then a last layer of tortilla shells and cheese on top.  Bake that at 350 degrees for about 10 minutes.  Then top with chopped tomatoes and lettuce.  Bake about 5 more minutes and eat.

Goes even better with strawberry shakes.  We had a healthy meal with veggies, fruit and everything all rolled into one and it was super easy and really yummy.  And it true Lisa fashion I started with one recipe and then mixed in pieces of another I'd seen and threw in some things I just thought sounded good.  As usual my taste bids didn't let me down.