I'm not crazy

Luckily, this person had already confirmed this for me, but she really makes me feel so much better.  Just to back up a little, after two visits to a pediatric developmental specialist and her team of OTs and STs, Jaemin was determined not to be autistic (no surprise) and eventually she also said he was not sensory integration disorder either.  Funny after just a 20 minute visit with him and her mouth running while I was trying to explain his symptoms.  Her trying to compare him to her 3 year old and me trying to voice my concern as a very experienced mother that something was NOT quite right.  I explained his constant flapping and need for movement.  I explained how he would never allow footy pajamas or blankets on him.  I explained how out of sorts he got in certain social surroundings and how he does not play like typical 3 year olds.  He doesn't play with toys, or rarely.

After that visit I was completely beat to the ground...the last visit with her and the clinic in October.  But, I decided to move forward with getting him evaluated at school since he was then 3 and could possible qualify by the school's standards....for something.....anything.   Anything to help him move forward and be emotionally and socially developed.  After 2 months of forms, tests, questionnaires and observations by OT and ST he was found to have dramatic speech delay in all areas.  She said it was hard to qualify for speech at 3, but because he was having an issue in every area of speech he qualified.  YAY!  He was found to have sensory integration disorder by our local special learning center's evaluation, but you cannot qualify for OT on just that.  You have to have fine and gross motor delays.  He has some fine, but definitely not gross and definitely not enough to qualify for OT.  But, in the area of sensory they had concerns in 9 out of 15 areas.  That's a LOT!

Because of that and the OT's personal observation of Jaemin she offered to still help us.  We can't come in for therapy, but she used to work for the special learning center and was willing to give us ideas.  She gave me a brush and taught me how to do brushing therapy.  She told us to try compressions and wheel barrel walks.  The wheel barrel walks didn't go over well because he couldn't support himself, so we taught him to do push ups.  Turns out that was the right thing to do. 

Fast forward 4 months and I felt down again.  His flapping is getting worse, so I called to ask her for more info.  I told her how he suddenly wants blankets on him.  She said that actually means his senses are changing and possibly calming down and what we're doing IS working.  She said the reason he is probably flapping more at home is because he rarely does it at both grandma's houses during the day.  She said he's managing to control it all day and when he gets home he feels safe and it becomes an outlet.  So he's totaling dumping the day's stimuli.  She was nice enough to offer a weighted blanket to try so we don't have to buy without knowing if it will work, but I declined for now since his multilevel blankets seem to be helping.  She said it can't be more than 10% of his body weight.

She gave me a whole list of exercises we can do with him through the day and both grandmas can do as well.  Using a different one each day will make them not feel like punishment which is where we've kind of landed with minimal ideas in the beginning.  I'm anxious to start trying all of them and seeing some progress.  I'm happy to find out we've actually made progress.

I told her I was worried about him getting overloaded on the plane to Korea and having no physical outlet.  She told me to start using a social story now, explaining Korea and what he can do on a plane versus can't do.  She said it may tame some of his behaviors down.  We're also going to try a lap weight and make a shoulder weight for him.  Try that at home and hopefully, then, it will work on the plane.  May have to try it on vacation and if it works on the drive then hopefully, it will also work on the plane.  She's going to send me links and other ideas for the plane if she thinks of them.  As you can tell I'm pretty much planning on us going to Korea.  Even if we don't get it through Make a Wish, we will have to find a way to pay for it.  I think it will be very good and therapeutic for all of us.

The OT also told me there's a chance he will outgrow enough by the time he goes to school in 2 1/2 years to integrate fine.  If he doesn't they know by the time he's 5 and he'll qualify for and IEP for OT through the school and then he'll get extra help in school.  She assured me that if he still has problems and flaps or anything like that to deal with it, in school, he will not be sent to the office or punished and we will work together to help him.  That relieved a lot of fears for me.

So, now that I have my arsenal list of things to do with him, I have one for daycare too, I feel armed and ready to take on sensory disorder.  Now, I just need to quit worrying about what others think.  I know when he throws one of his over stimulated tantrums people either think we're bad parents or he's a bad kid and I know it's neither and they don't know he really does have disorder that he can't control and I need to ignore it all and just love him.

Real Life Vs. What You Think

Real life is hard.  Add parenting and it's that much harder.  Not just being a parent, but worrying.  Worrying because you love them so much.  Driving with Cole has been an eye opener of sorts.  My life flashing before my eyes at times.  Not because he's so horrible, but yes he's new and he's not great yet, but mostly because I realize the power my 15 year old now has and will have even more in a year when he has the power of a V6 engine in his hands.  You realize that mistakes are going to happen.  Accidents could happen.  And as many hard things we've been through in our marriage there is probably more to come.

I'm thinking about Cole's surgery more.  When it is.  How will it go.  I think now that we're on the top end of the 2 year prediction Dr. R gave us, almost 2 years ago, I admit I'm getting a little nervous.  I'm trying not to, but sometimes I just do.

Jaemin is quirky.  He's a little odd sometimes.  His sensory issues get the best of him and us sometimes.  Parents that don't have a child with sensory don't understand because it's so hard to get it.  They seem so normal, but then so not.  And it's easy to think the kid is just out of hand, when they're not.  Their senses are out of hand.

It's, at times, hard to see other families with seemingly normal kids who have encountered nothing in their lives.  Sometimes, I, honestly, do get a tad jealous.  I'm human.  But, I try to remember that I do not know what's in store for them or me.  Only God knows this.  And God has brought us through so much and I need to always remember to leave my life in His hands and His hands only.  I need to continue to trust him with my life.  I need to not worry about not saving as much as my spreadsheet says.  I need to not worry about when we will go to Korea.  I need to not worry about the small stuff so much.  But, real life, for me, makes that hard sometimes.  But still I promise to try.  I know we will have what we need.  I know that we will go to Korea when God plans it for us.  I know that as long as we follow God's prompts we will get the rewards he has planned for all of us.  We have to try hard.  Be good people and love each other.  I'm remembering this.

For this reason I am trying to put all my insane worries and scary ideas back away.  Way back in my brain where they can't find their way out.  Where I can't be scared all the time.  I'm going to enjoy every second of my kids and try to remember they're just kids making mistakes in life and I need to be there to catch them, but not fix it for them.  I absolutely love all 5 of them dearly.  Each one has so much to bring to the table to make them special in a different way.  Not one of my 5 are alike in anyway.  But watching them grow up beats all the money in the world.  Watching them grow up beats anything.  This is the greatest privilege life has to offer and this is all I will pray God to allow for me.  Because it is all I need in happiness.

Loosened the belt

for a moment.  I totally thought we were a few hundred behind and would have to use Brian's extra check next month to make up for it (he gets paid every two weeks so we don't budget on those two extra checks).  But, I was balancing my bank statement from last month (teach me to be late) with my book and realized I had written in daycare twice!  YAY!  That was just enough to cover it with $28 left over for the month.

What did I do?  Turned around and spent more.  I still say money well spent though, when it comes to safety for my kids.  You know when we were growing up parents didn't have to worry about all the things that driving kids can be distracted by nowadays.  I absolutely love my bluetooth in my car and kinda wanted it for Cole.  Had no idea you could get it on an older car 'til today.  He wanted a new radio since his car's radio has some problems and was planning on getting like an $80 radio.  Nothing extravagant, but his money anyways.  I got to thinking that maybe we could get him to buy a radio with bluetooth so he wouldn't have to reach for and find his phone when he's driving.  I found a good deal on one for $130 and then found a place that could install it reasonably.  Since Cole would probably have to have it installed anyways he upped his allowable, gave me $100 and we're paying for the rest for him.

I will feel so much better having that.  Not that he has some great cell phone and uses it all the time or anything, but kids will answer a phone if it rings and this way he can be safe doing it.  I did tell him that I'll yank it back out if I ever find out he bypassed it or it unsynced and he answered the phone anyways.  Just pullover and resync please.  Mine does that, is the only reason I brought it up.

So far he seems like a pretty careful driver...almost scared.  Which a little fear is sometimes a good thing.  Good thing the boy's been working on a local farm so he could afford his new radio.  He'll be all set up in the next month or so.

Crazy Little Boy

Someone wet their pants tonight, so no iPod games or tv tonight.  Needless to say it was a better night.  Sometimes I'm so unsure if Jaemin will outgrow the quirks and idiosyncrasies, but tonight it was like there was a little piece of hope to say he could.  I think it's going to take work on our part to keep him away from the things that overdose him on stimuli.  I got great support from some adoptive parents on what they do with their sensory kids, so next time there's a major meltdown or family gathering with too many faces and activity for Jaemin I'm going to try it out.  He's sucha  great little boy and I love him so much.  I want the entire world for him.

Jaemin's always a little on the wild side, but tonight he actually played like other kids sometimes do.  He made things up and played with trains with the girls.  So I decided it's video time which Jaemin totally loves!  Pictures, videos, attention....that's Jaemin.

My cutie

Happy Easter!

Easter is sort of a new start, so I prayed for God to give me patience and more kindness this morning.  I know I need to work on something myself.  The qualities I'm not always the proudest of.

The kids have enjoyed Easter so far.  Last night was chicken dinner at one grandmas.  It was nice except the moment I was about to go off on someone.  I know this will offend some, but I'm sorry.  Think about it slowly and realize that other people have rights too.  You can smoke.  You can do that to your body and though it's wrong you can subject your own children to it.  But, you CANNOT subject my kids to it.  I have kids with health concerns or were born with issues that could make smoking exposure more harmful.  You do NOT hang around my kids when there are plenty of other places for your body to be a wave a cigarette around them.  I counted to ten more than once, but I will not do it again.  This is NOT one of my qualities I will work on.  I can judge you for smoking around my kids when they are little.

This morning the kids behaved relatively well in church.  Even Jaemin...surprise.  Brian had a little baggie with cereal towards the end and that helped.  Yet it was late enough the sugar didn't kick in until after church.  I decided on the way home we should start our own little tradition and let the kids go to the store and pick out whatever kind of donuts they want and eat that when we got home.  They've never gotten to do that before and really liked it.  Jaemin picked out one with blue icing.  He was a pretty darn happy camper.  Easter bunny brought Jaemin a bowling set and since Jaemin loves bowling this was perfect for him.  The girls got hair bands, hair ties and socks.  Hello Kitty is still super big in our house.  The big boys got fishing lures.  And then there was chocolate!  No one has touched it yet....too many donuts.

Grandma's house....hunting....or in Cole's case directing Jaemin.

Hunting at home.

Hauling it all back upstairs.  Poor Jaemin had to have mom's help for his load.

Easter Donuts and afterward.

And apparently after some really sugary donuts and little sister leaving all of her hair ties and hair bands in the chair, big brother gets bored and pretty.

Here are the last pictures from Great Grandma's house this evening.  More fun....too much food and too many sweets.  Jaemin is WOUND up!!

Kaelin helped Jaemin and mostly he stopped to eat.

They looked up and down.

God and Angels are With Us

My little Jaemin. He's a wild one, but he could have really been seriously hurt today.  He was at mom's and I guess something on their little deck-like thing was broke or loose and it gave way when he leaned on it.  This thing is pretty high...over our heads, so about 7 feet in the air.  He fell all the way down and only had a small burn on his arm.  I cannot believer how incredibly lucky we were to not have him really hurt.  He could have broken something.  I immediately think at least legs, arms or worse yet his neck.  He could have fallen on his head and had a head injury.  My heart skipped a beat when Brian called to tell me.  That's the second big scare, after his seizure last March, and I don't like his scares.   They're tooooo much for me.  Angels and God were with us today protecting my baby from harm.  I don't know how because there's no explanation for how safe he came out of that, but he did and I'm THANKFUL!