LONG....Update

I've just been too busy and tired over the holidays to even try to get on here.  The less computer time the better and this blog sometimes is just too much.  Though I know I want to keep my journal up, so I always come back.

My brother FINALLY made it back for Christmas. They were only able to stay a few days due to the occurrences and Jaemin already misses E.  He thinks he should be at grandma and papas all the time.

We also finally heard back from Make a Wish on Cole's wish to go to Korea.  They told us Korea said no.  I found that a little hard to believe as she got more into the story of it, but what can you say?  She said Korea said there were political things going on though both her and I didn't know of anything.  She then said she told Korea Make a Wish that they would just the assist for us to go to Korea and Korea would only serve as an emergency contact if we had anything happen medically.  She said Korea said no to that as well.  That's where I wondered if it was true or just a reason to say no without saying it was just too big of a wish.  Their saying is no wish is too big, but that's really not true.  Not logically and realistically, but it would have been great if they would have told us and Cole last March when he wished it.  Then, she proceeded to tell me he could either rewish totally since no one knows what happened to his wish granters or he could go with his 2nd choice of a Cabela's shopping spree.  Here's the kicker.  She explained to me how it would work and we'd end up responsible for some of the costs.  They're web site says theses wishes are granted without families having to pay for anything so there would be no worries.  I'm NOT okay with this.  We are emptying our savings to go to Korea....yep, that's right we're going anyways....after 7 full years of saving for it, we can't afford to pay for meals, etc. so he can go there.  He's tried to think of a different wish but hasn't been able to.  It's been so stressful we're thinking of telling them to forget it.

Onto Korea.  We scaled our plans back A LOT.  There will be no birth city trip and it will be a little shorter, but we should be able to squeeze in everything we want to do and see and especially the foster mothers.  We have our tickets on hold.  I just have to call this week after I move things off my credit card so it doesn't max out (pay it down is what I mean), and I can get our airfare.  We are barely getting tickets anyways.  I was told in the fall to wait until January or February by every agent I called and suddenly by December all of the fares were gone or almost gone and only expensive ones left.  We found another Korean agent in Chicago who was able to get a pretty decent rate on Korean Air, so we stayed in my budget thanks to her.  We'll nail down the hotel and fare details this week.  I already have reservations at Fraser Place Central like last time, but I want to see if we can get a little better rate before things are final.  Every dollar counts on this huge trip and most of the dollars are in the $15000 hotel and airfare portion of the budget.

But, we have an itinerary made, emails sent to the agencies so they can contact the foster mothers.  Gift list started.  Baggage figured out.  Maps and directions to everywhere!  Reminders on my calendar for what we can't do yet.  Passport application for Jaemin ready to go.  And a growing list of things we will still need to have before we go.

Whew!

We forced Cole, totally against his will, to go to the doctor today.  I met my yearly deductible and his knee was still giving him trouble after the 12/8 injury, from time-to-time.  I took him to the school's sports medicine doc who decided he needed an MRI.  He said that since it hurt when he moved to a specific position it was either a bone bruise or meniscus problem.  This was the only way to be sure.  Got the MRI done 3 hours later and back to the doctor to see what the deal was.  Thankfully.....very thankfully, it was just a bad bone bruise.  He said he can wrestle up to what he can tolerate and it will eventually heal.

No surgery necessary.....yay!!!

Christmas 2012

As with every family holiday there are some fighting with the stress.  Last night was Brian's grandmas with all the aunts and cousins. I sort of dread it just for it's uncomfortableness.  It's just a different environment for me to handle.  No one's really rude or anything like that; it's just me.  We left shortly after dinner so we could go to the local church.  The first song was Away in a Manger which Jaemin had just learned at daycare.  He belted out every word as loud as he could and you could hear him above everyone.  It was pretty cute.

Today was our laid back Christmas Day.  Since B isn't coming home with E until tomorrow we're not having my side's Christmas until this weekend.  That meant we only had to go to Brian's mom and dad's this morning and then come home for naps and have the day to ourselves to kick back.  We did the same thing we did last year and just ate junk food and played games and watched movies.  We had cheesecake, wings, toasted ravioli, little smokies, shrimp and carrots for health.  :)  Tonight we decided to have ice cream sundaes to top it all off.  We squeezed in Home Alone (kind of a tradition with the kids) and watched Jaemin's new Christmas present from his grandma, Madagascar 3. We played a round of Headbands and 2 rounds of Apples to Apples.  They had a REALLY great time playing games and we had a ton of laughs.  I wish I had pictures of everyone wearing their headbands, but decided it was time to focus on us and not in the back taking pictures.

They all got really fun gifts and though it's still not as spoiled as some kids they were really good with them all and are very thankful.  So far, from us, and 3 grandparents they got iPods, the cases for them, tons of games (Apples to Apples, Headbands, Hungry Hungry Herd, Thomas Trouble, etc.), Madagascar 3, Brave, Barbie stuff, Dance games for the Wii, Bass Pro gift cards, hunting stuff and books.  Their iPods have all been updated, synced and are ready for their play.  The girls may have gotten used iPods (handmedowns), but they know enough to know they're fortunate to have those.

I'm thankful to have thankful kids.  They told me they had a really good time today and that's the memories I want for them.  It wasn't the gifts that made the fun, we opened them last night.  It was the playing games together and eating together that made them have fun.  Cole even mentioned the food we were eating wasn't anything I would normally ever buy.  I said I know.  He said "that's what makes this special."  You got it!

It was nice.  Here they are today....happy and healthy.

Sometimes

being a parent is not so rewarding.

I'm finally feeling better 2 weeks after influenza and bronchitis.  Literally yesterday was my "I know I'm better" day.  I was no longer nauseous and extremely fatigued.  I could barely get through the day for the past two weeks.  I've never been so tired.  Now, I'm back to myself.

And now that I have energy, I guess I have the energy to let things bother me and worry me again.  Why is it that kids can make a mom feel so inadequate?  I mean most of us do or at least really try hard to do our best.  We try to give them the right amount of nurturing while letting them get a little further out on the ledge and while you're doing that your teenagers make you feel as bad as they possibly can.  The little kids?  They still love holding your hand and adore you.  Chelsi still respects me and cares about disappointing us.  Jaemin loves to kiss my cheeks, my nose, my forehead.  Not the big kids.  The teens and preteens live to worry me and then when I try to discuss I get eye rolling, disrespect or disgust.  At times I begin to think Cole's starting to outgrow some of it, but maybe it's because he's getting his way?  I don't mean we're giving in or anything like that, but he's ultimately happier because he made his way back to Varsity wrestling.  He cares about the way it looks, regardless if he wins or loses.  I wish he could see past that importance and realize that being on JV is sometimes a necessary stepping stone like college is to having a better chance at a stable livelihood.  Don't get me wrong I'm pretty happy that he didn't fight me on registering him for his first shot at the ACTs for April, but at the same time he has such low expectations for himself.  I find myself constantly trying to build him up, yet sometimes I wonder how hard he really tries to help himself and in the end that's the only thing that will help his life.  Chase gets irritated at me for lecturing Kaelin on her continuous lying to me.  I understand it gets old.  Trust me it gets old, but it's necessary to do it until she gets that it's not worth lying over really stupid little things.  Chase is definitely at tween that thinks he's always right, but has totally normal annoying habits and gets irritated at everyone when everyone gets irritated at him.  Kaelin is fast on his heels of tweenhood.  She's so impulsive and trying to get her to just slow down seems to be such a trying part of her and my relationship.  I don't want to break her, but break her of this habit so she has better control over her life.

Needless to say my little chit chats with the older ones have increased.  Cole mostly seems more open to them, but maybe he's figured out how to humor me?  He's definitely smart enough for that.  Kaelin's much the same.  Chase snaps back.  He takes offense.....he's too much like me.  Why is it that our kids get my worst traits?  Why can't they have some of the good ones?  If they only knew, really knew, just how much I worry and want the best for them.  I really want Cole's grades to be a B average so he can get the discount on his car insurance and earn us paying 1/2.  Regardless of some teachers desire to make school miserable and see how many kids they can fail without reasoning through why they do poorly in areas (that's another day for that one).   I don't want to see Chase struggle so much.  He does study hard most of the time, but I think he got my and M's poor test taking skills and that's not a good thing.  Kaelin does fine grade wise for now, but I'd like to see her care more for others.  I tell them I know they're not perfect and I don't expect perfection, I just worry about the bigger things that can really impact their future lives.  I pray for the best for all of them and pray that some of the stuff we talk about sinks in.  I pray that they realize I'm not trying to be a nag, I just care.  I pray that they realize I don't enjoy disciplining them by grounding from their favorite things for what seems like constant, I just want them to learn.  I pray one day they realize just how much I love and care for them and that they realize that they are my everything and their happiness is so important to me.  Like I told Kaelin the other night.  It's easier for a parent to not punish than to punish.  Those who don't, don't care.

God, please watch over my kids and protect them and help them to make good, kind, caring decisions throughout their lives that are for the better of everyone.

On the mend and catching up

Hopefully, Brian, Cole, Chase and Kaelin had their influenza vaccines early enough to avoid catching it.  I caught it.  I spent 5 days in bed and was completely miserable!  Body aches, fever, chills and then it turned into severe bronchitis.  I went to the doctor by Saturday (the 4th day) and she said she caught it before it went into pneumonia, but I need to start getting that vaccine too.  She said I shouldn't get it every year.  She put me on zpak, but it wasn't the actual pak.  It was 3 pills at 500 mg each.  That's double the standard and it made me nauseous!  Between that and the 60mg of prednisone/per day.  I'm still not very hungry.  Good way to lose a little weight before Christmas, I guess.  I have to say, though, it works.  I'm getting all the gunk out and only left with nauseous and really, really tired.  Work wears me out, but I get home and have catching up to do from being sick for so long.  I have literally never felt that bad.  I could have cared less what the house looked like or anything.  I just rested in my bed constantly.

I am fortunate that I think everyone realized just how bad it was when I stopped talking AND moving.  Chase would take care of supper when Brian needed to go to Cole's wrestling matches and the girls would see if I needed water.  Chelsi and Jaemin would spend a little time keeping me company since they'd already had it.  Jaemin tried so hard to pound on my chest to get the junk out when I got into my coughing fits.  They were all so good.

Then, Brian calls from Cole's wrestling tournament an hour away.  I'm so glad he left me to be with him.  When his opponent shot at him, he hit Cole's knee hyperextending it.  The coach thought it was a blowout, but the trainer said if the swelling and pain subside after a few days he should be good.  We iced it, gave him NSAIDs, etc.  His coach says now that it's getting better he'll let him start practicing next week.  I don't know that that means matches or duals, but practice at least.  Thank goodness there doesn't seem to be any ligament damage.  The trainer said his knee seemed stable.

Long week and getting all this over with just in time for Christmas.  Back to completing the shopping, wrapping and planning!

Christmas Cards - Check!

Seriously was wondering if I'd even do cards this year.  I had been fighting off a sinus infection and/or cold for over 2 weeks.  It wasn't just your standard sinus infection either.  I was miserable and just kept using my nettipot, etc. and I feel pretty good today; even after only getting about 4 hours of sleep last night.  Yep, my eyes were peeled wide open at 1am.  I do NOT know why.

Then, as I was feeling bad, we Jaemin and Chelsi with influenza B.  Chelsi was out of school for 4 days, but did pretty well through it.  She's still pretty stopped up though. Jaemin scared me a bit more when he spiked that fever, but he's better now.  The Tamiflu seemed to be a massive waste of $$.  I have Jaemin back on acid reflux meds and he's finally stopped coughing constantly and then puking snot up.  Gross I know.  That's been going on for months now.  He even put himself to bed before 7:30 tonight and was out like a light.  Poor boy has some major catching up to do.

Before we're in the throws of wrestling season, I ordered the kids into their pjs by 7pm so I can do our annual Christmas card picture.  Have some pity on Cole.  He's 15 and way too cool for this.  Preview of the awesomely, perfect card below and here's the picture that made the cut.  I really love them when they let loose a little.

Not such a bad day

Let me precursor this by saying when I don't feel good, I'm exceptionally grouchy.  I'm well aware of this and I try to do better, but sometimes, I forget to think about it and it gets the better of me.

So, staying home with two sick kids, not feeling good myself and having the washer and printer break wasn't such a great time.  I was up later than planned with Jaemin because my poor little boy's fever spiked last night.  I walked by his room to check on him and could hear him whimpering.  I asked him what was wrong and he very clearly told me his head hurt.  I felt his head and it was on fire. I gave him ibuprofen and he threw it up 5 minutes later.  Then, wondering how much he tossed, I gave him another 1/2 teaspoon just so his temp would decline some.  He was shaking so bad and so miserable.  I held him until it went down a little and then Brian said I needed to sleep with him to watch him.  He slept really well until 3 am when I felt him and it had shot up again, so I rotated to the tylenol.  He threw that up too.  I sat with him, holding him for a bit, since it just rattles him some and then he went back to sleep and slept until 9 am.  This is the boy who's promptly up by 7 or 7:30.  He went to nap easily at noon and slept almost 3 hours.  His fever's better, but his mood goes in spurts and I think the Tamiflu is upsetting his stomach some, so we're scaling it back a little.

I've had a cold for 2 weeks and it's really run me down.  I can't seem to get all of the congestion out and it's making my body feel really tired.  Then, I decide to at least print my coupons for the weekend in case I feel good enough to grocery shop (surely by then, right) and the printer's broke again.  2 months ago the printhead clogged and Kodak had to send me a new one.  Worked great until today.  They tried to have me fix it while they were on the phone, but it wouldn't so they decided to send us a new printer.  No charge.  Then, I washed our darks (this is a daily chore here) and washed Chelsi's sheets with it since her fever was finally, permanently, down on it's own.  I get it all out and found a piece of plastic in the washer. Sure enough a fin had broken off the agitator and the other 2 are breaking.  I called where we bought it and they looked to see if they had a broken Fisher-Paykel that they could give us the agitator from, but since they rarely break, they had none.  They could order it for $50 and this was the cheapest I could find on the internet too.  I called the company and they said they would send us a new one out of goodwill if I supplied the receipt.  Wouldn't you know, I keep EVERYTHING, but the receipt for this large purchase was gone.  I'm guessing I thought it was pointless after it was out of warranty and threw it away.  I think we've had it for about 4 years.  I called the store and they said they would look, but I gave up when they didn't call back because we sort of need a working washer with 7 people.  I called the company again and told them we'd just have to pay for the part and they put me on hold.  He came back on and said 'guess what, we're just going to send it to you anyways".   WOW!  Awesome customer service.  They were nice every time I talked to them.  If I can get another 4 years out of that agitator I can handle buying a new one after that if we have to, but since Cole's car is in need of repair, I really was hoping for no more unexpected bills.  YAY!

Now, to bed early, my husband says.  I need to get better.  I have one more sicky to stay home with tomorrow and he and I will do nothing tomorrow.  I will just knit while he watches TV.  Got 1 baby hat down for the Korean babies at the adoption agencies, many more to go.