Seoul My Soul

This is the theme for Seoul right now and it’s so true. I’ve been lax on sharing because it’s just been a lot. We’ve taken in so much, felt so much and done so much. I had a major crying breakdown the couple of days before we left. I had been thinking about Cole a lot and the dam finally broke on the Friday we left at her agency. I just went to the bathroom and sat on the floor and let it out. It’s so hard to enjoy something you’re supposed to while you miss someone so much. I think by then we were really missing the others in our family and this just amplified my sadness. 

I did my best to not bring Chelsi down and keep going and have fun with her. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 1/2 months. Take it til you make it doesn’t work so well with grief though. 

Here are the rest of the Seoul photos. 

Ramen Library in Hongdae 

Where Daniel Dae Kim are

Starfield Library Coex

Best hotteoks

Drone show on the river

Communal eating everywhere

Nanta!

Mochi. Yum

Masks so cheap 

Baskin Robins

Mangwon Market. So good for eating and less crowded than Gwangjang 

Insadong (arts)

Yeongjongdo Rail Bike. Really fun and beautiful walk nearby. Just have to learn to take the bus but if you use City Mapper app it will tell you which stop your bus is approaching so that you can get off. 

Hongdae eats and walks. Always where we stay 

Walk to Yongma Waterfall Park in Seoul. Very pretty walk and park. 

Gwangjang Market then eat and walk on Cheonggyecheon Stream and rest 

Return to Seodaemun Prison for Cole.  He picked that on the trip he came on and Chelsi didn’t remember it. So sad. The history is amazing. And we met a nice 88 year old gentleman outside, Mr Park who showed us photos of his grandson who was born and raised in the US. He wanted to practice English on us. He taught himself just so he could talk to his grandson who knows no English. 

Naksan Mountain walk on the wall trail

Sunset is awesome from here

Seoullo 7017

Starbucks for my first time. 

Airport food at Incheon super cheap and good!

Never flown at night. Goodbye Seoul

I live

 here a lot of days. 

It’s a bizarre place to be. I’m happy and living life and then think of him. I try to block out the sad thoughts so I don’t make others sad around me. I try to push through the crowd of sorrow that swells in my head.  And then the dam breaks. I can no longer hold any of it back. It pours out like a gate opened and the water crashes into a valley that’s been dry. 

I am well aware I can’t escape my grief.  I just haven’t quite figure out how to control some of it. There’s no good timing for it. I should live in my moments with my family but feeling his absence is sometimes just too much….too hard. Everything I do is behind hidden tears.  Tears I cry by myself. Away from everyone   I don’t want everyone to know or see how often or how much it still happens.  I know it’s okay. It doesn’t make it easier. Part of the process is learning I guess.