One sad mom to another

 https://abedformyheart.com/grateful-and-grieving/

As I sit here recooperating from a surgery I have been finding myself extremely anxious about the holidays that will come and go without regard to me or my heart.  I’ve been scouring the internet for blogs from a universe of moms who have gone through this before me and explained what they have done to survive the rest of the year.  There’s no one size fits all.  After so much reading I still haven’t found something that feels right to get through two very busy holidays.  

The blog I linked here did a good job of explaining what moms are going through after the loss of their children. And there’s no limit to just the first holidays without.  They’re limited by what that mom can handle.  I feel oddly comforted as I cry reading blog after blog of moms who are trying to help new grieving moms like myself.  

All I know is that I want these holidays to either pass by unnoticed or change up the tradition so much that it’s unrecognizable and maybe it won’t feel like he’s missing the holiday it will just feel like a gathering that he didn’t make it home for. 

It’s so hard to explain to anyone how you feel. I think most moms would agree that no one loved anyone on this Earth like a mother so when the child is lost first a mother doesn’t know what to do. In ways she feels like she’s just aimlessly roaming this world.  Caught between trying to take care of her remaining children the way she used to and trying to redefine herself with the huge gaping hole that is left of her.  The holidays amplify that hole and make it more obvious.  

Love to all those moms out there this year whether it’s your first or you are years in.