My favorite

new picture.

We're calling it OFFICIAL!

Since, I accidentally caught J taking more than 2 steps on camera we're pronouncing this the day J first walked!  He took several steps towards C after he pulled himself up onto the couch!

Go J!!

Enjoying Nature

since we're probably near the last decent day of the year.  We took a little drive and went to the nature center.  The kids enjoy it, but we don't get to go too often.  J got to see all the big fish, snakes, etc.; alive and dead.  He was a little stunned at the big deer!  You'll see a picture of the kids on the trail in here.  It's a picture of Cole pushing the stroller, with Chelsi in it.  They began to argue over who got to push and at one point they both had their hand on a handle and it looked like they were holding hands.  I snapped the picture and then told them how it looked.  I've never seen two boys split so fast!

Football Wednesday

Football's almost over, but I finally managed to get a couple of pics.  Chase has done great for his first year.  He's pretty natural and very relaxed.

Here are some pictures of the actual game.

He did manage to get the ball 3 times!

Here is J, daddy and C watching the game.

I'm completely Korea sick!

I miss it so much some days.  It was such a wonderful trip and while J was the highlight it would have been awesome even if it were just a visit.  I was reading this adoptee blog http://www.michellesherwood.blogspot.com/ the other day and she video'd her hotel room.  It's the same hotel we stayed in.  I could tell by the room and the view.  I remember walking that street everyday!  I felt so Korea sick after seeing that video.

If only we could go to Korea more often or spend a longer time there.  There's so much more to explore and experience.  If there were an opportunity to spend an entire year there I'd do it in a second, if our whole family could go.  But, I'll pray for visits there and gladly accept them.

I live vicariously through others' visits to Korea, but sometimes just feel too sad to read about their adventures because I miss it so much.  I miss the people, the smells (some anyways), the subways, the culture, everything!

Can't wait to go back and praying we actually save enough to go.......sooner the better!

Lisa

What would I want them to know?

What would I want my kids to read if they read this blog years from now?

I would want Cole to know that he was special because when we lost our first daughter he gave us new hope.  Without her loss he wouldn't be here and we know he was special because of that.  Though, he has a tough time with some things, I enjoy watching how he changes as he gets older and more mature.  I enjoy watching him become a caring tween and someday the very caring man I see him becoming.  I also know how strong this boy is to make it through open-heart surgery with flying colors as a baby and never look back.  He gives people strength and hope in God.  He gives people reason to see that kids can change.

I would want Chase to know he was my little angel baby.  He let me know babies can be calm and laid back and just enjoy momma holding them.  He let me know that little boys are never too old to hug their mother.  I think he's going to have great friends as he is a great friend and person himself.  This boy exudes personality and it's a great one!  I look at him and feel proud for how hard he tries to be good in life.

I would want Kaelin to know that I have every faith that she will become the teacher she wants to be; and a great one too.  I see her teaching in Korea one day and see her fitting in anywhere she goes.  She's just that type of girl.  She is not meant to be a follower, but a leader/teacher.  She will always find her own way and people will watch her in awe because she's just that great.

I would want Chelsi to know she's my teeny tiny sweetheart baby...."my Chelsi" as she lovingly says to us.  She can go anywhere and do anything and no matter what we will remain close at heart.  She is beaming and bright.  She is a strong girl that came from a 3 lb baby and while still small is always going to be mighty and be heard.  She will do something great one day and somehow find a spotlight.  That's her.

I would want Jaemin to know that while he's still too small and young to figure out totally, I know he's an awesome boy.  He made me realize that there's always room for more love in my heart.  He took a pretty large chunk of my heartt and continues to hold onto it.  He is my love and a great athlete.  We can see his coordination and energy already.  He may never slow down, but he will always love those around him with his big heart.  We will always love him, as much, back!

I thought of this as I went to their rooms and kissed them goodnight tonight.  I had just finished rocking J to sleep and laid him in his bed.  I had already hugged and kissed the big boys goodnight and was going into kiss the girls.  I was thinking to myself, "when do I stop doing this?"  When will they make me?  That's when I stop.  For now, they all let me from 1-12 years old.  I will take it as long as I get it and enjoy it until the day they are no longer here for a hug at bedtime or just refuse to give into the requests of their mother.

Thank God for blessings.  I love watching my kids.  Especially, when they're not fighting, just interacting with one another or others.  They are so beautiful, inside and out!

So, what do you do when you feel "different"

Warning: this is more serious than my usual posts, so don't read if you're wanting light-hearted.

I know different can have a million definitions depending on the context and interpretation.  But, my "different" here is our family.  When we began the adoption process for the first time over 7 years ago, we knew we would look different.  Especially, in an area without high diversity of population and relatively low population to begin with.  I guess, I never thought it would bother me to stand out or be different.  I know this is something our kids will face one day too, but that's a whole other discussion.

We, honestly, really never noticed it until J came home.  I think at this point it's our family size, not the fact that some of our children look a little different than their parents.  In past years, when we began our first two processes, I'd always belonged to adoption discussion groups.  In these groups you were not really different.  You had an opportunity to feel some sameness in the world.  But, now, with 5 children and both of us working outside the home I feel different there, as well.  All of the topics that come up, that don't relate to adoption, end up making me feel excluded.  A lot of the participants in these groups are stay-at-home-moms (SAHM).  So they have a kinship with each other and are able to share with each other all day long.  They talk about budgeting for food and ways to save money in all areas of living, amongst other things.  Problem is; when they discuss budgeting, it usually requires you to have time to shop at 3-5 different stores or make everything from scratch.  Having 5 children and working full-time doesn't allow for any of that, yet we don't make enough for the conveniences on the other side either (the families who both work, but make enough for convenience living).  Those families you will hear talk about their house cleaners and going out for dinner.  We can't do either of those and never will.  In recent days, I've realized I can bring myself to read the posts of others in these groups, but can no longer respond.  I feel so excluded and too different.  I will always peruse in case there are others that show up like us; just having questions through adoption, sibling call and adoption related issues.  But, I don't think I can really participate any longer.  Maybe in 7 years, it's just run it's course for me?

It's hard to find families who live in the middle like us.  Families that are getting by, barely sometimes, paying their bills, not paying for extras (condiments so to speak), trying to raise as many as 5 kids and yes, working full-time.  The most stores we have time to shop are 2, and that is a rarity to have that kind of luxurious time.  Luckily they're fairly close together, but even getting to the grocery shopping once per week is sometimes difficult.  Basically, when we're out of milk I have no choice but make that dreaded Walmart or supermarket stop.  Finding time to do anything that may save us money nowadays is 20 times more difficult.  And then, the one time we might go out together as a family, other than church, we get stared at.

Even within our local international group.  There is no one with this many kids...not in the same house.  The only ones I even "know" of have older children.  Everyone at work has about 2-3 kids.  That's the same in our small group of friends too.  The couple of people I know at work that have as many do because of grown stepchildren.  Within our local group I have not met anyone with more than 2 adopted and even those are fairly few.

I want to know someone else that works full-time, out of the house, has more than 4 kids, doesn't have large incomes combined so bills aren't easy, but they're paid.  I want to know someone like us.  Thank goodness our kids don't really seem to notice our differences to other families.  :)

So if anyone out there is like us, know you're not alone.  There are others out there and we're all doing fine!