The good and the bad of a slightly larger family.

Okay, so we're nowhere near Duggar's super size, but I wouldn't want that.  No matter how much I love kids I cannot imagine feeling like I get to give them the time they deserve.  Working or not.  But, we are still, in fact, larger than your average family.  So, sometimes I think about these things as other people discuss family size.

Let's get through the 'bad'.

-Much harder to get a hotel room without separating your family or paying through the nose for a large suite.  Most hotels will allow you to squeeze in 5 or so, but not so much on 7.
-We're on the line with vehicles.  One more and we either have to trade to get an 8 passenger van or get one of those big vans.  I'm definitely not driving one of those 15 passenger things and can't afford a trade right now on my van for an 8 passenger.  Not to mention, it's hard to have carseats set up in an 8 because you still have to be able to get through to the back row.  And I'm WAY too cheap to drive a suburban.
-There's only one empty chair left at the table and it's not really an empty chair since we bought two more chairs when we found out about little man.  You have to straddle a leg, which little man or someone will be doing after he gets out of his booster.  What the heck are we going to do when we get inlawed and grandkids?
-It's really hard to afford vacations.  While others talk about their multiple trips to Disney, per year, we find other avenues every few years.  And you have to get CREATIVE.
-Food is getting WAY expensive.  And since we both work (me part time at the moment) we don't have much time for a good garden, so no great ways to save money other than old fashioned being careful.
-Diapers for 14 years!!!!!!!
-People still say 'are you done yet?' and if you actually think about another one (one day) you feel bad because you know people are going to treat you like you're crazy.  We got that with #5....not that we plan on a 6th, trust me.

And now for the 'good'.
-Vacations are even more fun with kid at various ages and expectations.  No matter where they are or how simple they are.
-Imagine the family table and tv trays and people standing at the counter to eat in just 15-20 more years when we have 5 more kids and grandkids.  It will be loud and bustling and cool!
-There's always someone around, so you never ever get lonely.  Boredom is another issue with any kid.
-We are reminded more than most other people how amazing God is and how blessed we are!
-Look how many do overs we've had.
-After you teach them to cook and clean, it's really not that bad....though they don't seem to do these things on par with my OCD expectations, so I do redo.  Bad habit, I know.
-All the things, we as parents, are exposed to due to 5 very different personalities and interests.  I learn new things all the time with new activities. 
-There's a hug and a kiss somewhere.  You can always find someone willing.

I won't go and say others who have smaller families don't know the true blessings in life, because each decision to his/her own.  I will say we have realized money isn't everything and we're thrilled to have spent so much having and raising kids.  Of course, there is a fine line on that issue too.  Next post.

Wet Nights

And I'm not talking about the blizzard. 

Last night was as bad as night #1.  She got up twice with it going off, but by the time she gets up she's done.  Her pull up is soaked.  Again, use a pull up over the underwear if you don't want added mess and frustration.

I'm going to hold out.  I'm going to continue.  I'm going to give this thing the full chance.  Repeat.

Lisa

Day or should I say Night #4

She was dry.  It's probably been close to a year since she's had a month where she's been dry two times.  Let alone two times in a week.  No alarm going off means more sleep for me.  YAY!

Lisa

Cheers, giggles and smiles

I've had a couple of these pictures locked on my camera for a couple of weeks.  Jaemin found Chelsi's pom poms from the fall football games and he was cheering.  And you can see what she would rather do.....duh duh duh duh....dress up as a princess.  SHOCKER!

Jaemin had the giggles today.  Everytime I said anything he laughed.  I noticed he's been doing this a lot lately.  So, am I funny or funny looking?

All they wanna do is potty all the time

It's only been a couple of days and I feel like potty talk all the time!

Chelsi is 5 1/2, but does not ever stay dry at night, so after the doctors all agreed that other than duplicated ureters she has no birth defects and nothing that should cause incontinence issues.  So, it means it's just her.  They all recommended an enuresis alarm since she's nearing 6.  We were waiting for my new cafeteria plan year and the time has finally come.  So we've ordered the alarm and received it this week!

I have Chelsi sleeping on a mat next to my bed so that I can make sure she wakes up when the alarm goes off.  That sucker is so load it scares the crap out of me a lot of the nights.  It's only been 3 nights though.  The first night was aweful!  She had be woken up and it took a long time to get her to her feet.  Lesson learned.  She needs a pullup over her underwear to keep her from peeing on the mat, or worse yet missing and hitting my floor.  She peed twice that night.  The second night she slept through and was dry.  This generally happens one time per month....on a good month.  The 3rd night, last night she only had it go off once and it was almost 6 am.  She hopped up before I was really awake.  Of course, I still have Jaemin in my bed too.  So, about that time or maybe a little later, he was laughing in my ear.  Apparently, he was having a really happy dream because he was giggling his butt off!

Thursday I decided to try to potty train Jaemin.  It was not successful, but it must have put a bug in his ear.  He ran around naked and peed on the potty a couple of times and stayed mostly dry even when his diaper was on.  We had to put it on Thursday night because I had to go with Chelsi to play rehearsal and he won't go for Brian.  Friday we had places to go and our appliances were in and we needed to install, so he wore his diaper again.  But, he asked to go while we had company last night.  He remembered that I had bought a brand new box of fruit snacks and I, smartly, put them right at his height in the bathroom cabinet.  He grabbed a snack and told me he needed to pee.  He squeezed out a couple of drops and got his snack.  Brian things he just knows how to work the system, and he does, but I told him to let it go.  It might be enough incentive if we're lucky!

This morning as soon as he opened his eyes Jaemin looked at me and said he needed to poo.  So I took him in the bathroom, he grabbed his snack and peed....a lot!  He ate his snack and then, apparently, when he took his wrapper to the trash in the kitchen he peed on the floor in front of the trashcan.  I don't know how he peed that much in that short of time.  1/2 hour later, he always poops after breakfast, he said he needed to poop.  So Cole took him poop.  He actually went.  For the first time ever.  Cole gave him his snack.  Then, he pooped in his diaper 10 minutes later.  Hopefully, that's just a minor miscommunication with his body and he's still figuring it out.

My dream.  Oh my dream is to have Chelsi and Jaemin both potty trained at the same time.  It would be fine, if it had to be that way, to only have 1 (Jaemin) in nightly pullups.  But, oh to get them both out of diapers and pullups!!  14 years of diapers next month is what we've been doing.!

Reasons NOT to Adopt

This is not going to be popular, I'm sure.  But, this is my blog and my opinion.  Though I'm not that strongly opinionated on a lot of things, this one I am.  BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS, NOT THE PARENTS WANTING KIDS.  And some of this I've wrestled with, but because I feel it's right in my heart, I leave it alone and remember it's right.

1) You're already deep in debt (credit card, etc.) and you want to pursue an expensive adoption.  Now, I'm not talking about you have a house loan and a car or you want to go through foster care which is free.  If you're already having trouble making necessary payments and are just getting by, maybe you should hold off until you're in a better situation.   Finances are stress...children can add to that stress.  Who am I lying to...they do.  And I mean that in the most loving way.  :)

2)  Your husband is NOT on board.  Is it okay to talk about it over and over again...sure.  As long a you're BOTH talking.  As long as there is somewhat of a discussion.  But, if the spouse (husband or wife....usually husband) is adamantly against it sometimes we wives need to concede.  BTDT!

3)  You're going to save a child from their life or possible life.  While, yes, there are children who may not survive without a family to care for them, medically and otherwise I'm not sure I will ever be convinced that that is reason enough/alone to adopt.  How do 'we' know we are their saviors?  Doesn't only 'He' know?  If you want a child that's great.  That's a great reason.  Not purely to save a soul.  This could be a lengthy discussion, so I'll leave it here.

4)  Your existing children do NOT want siblings.  Okay, you argue.  Do we ask our children if we can get pregnant?  No.  But, adoption really is a different process and can require some different parenting, sort of like some special needs children.  Not the same, but sort of.....hard to explain, but other adoptive parents understand.  It's also extremely purposeful.  Even in the case of a sibling call like we had there is still purpose.  Not accident.  Unless you have no insurance there is also minimal cost in pregnancy in comparison to adoption.  Though I'm not a fan of letting those pesky fees get in the way if otherwise you can financially handle another child.  Anyways, when we were in process, one thing very important to us as we added each one was whether everyone was good with it.  If they weren't they had time to talk about it.  IF it couldn't have been alleviated, whatever fears there were, we would NOT have proceeded.  Our guardian ad litem commented on how well all of our children have adapted to each other.  She said she'd seen families where biological children resented adopted children and vice versa.  I know hard to imagine.  She asked what we did and this is all I could think to tell her.  We made all of our existing children, one by one, a part of the process.

5)  Okay, so number 5 is a copout because really there aren't very many reasons NOT to adopt.  It's great.  It's wonderful and I'd be missing 3 little pieces of my heart without it.  So, the only other reasons not to adopt are just obvious.  You hate kids, want a servant/worker.....  Though surely that doesn't really happen, right?

If you have add ons, feel free to leave them in comments.

New Site to List for SCI

I'm going to find a spot on the blog to list this site; www.christopherreeve.org. 

For the most part, Brian's spinal cord injury is just something that happened to him and, of course, our whole family.  Most people assume that because he walked again and regained some of his other motor functions everything just goes back to the way it was, a sort of normal, for our family.  But, any SCI patient or family knows that's not really true.  It's something the patient will live with for the rest of their lives and it's not a static state.  Meaning just because they gain it back doesn't mean it's permanent.  Brian has lost some very minor simple functions.  Mostly we noticed the right end fingers.  But, over time things can happen within the spinal cord because of the injury that can cause him to lose more of what he gained back those months after and in rehab.

I won't get all technical here, but I've known for some time that he, in all reality, will likely end up disabled in 10-20 years.  At our age now, that's pretty young.  I say disabled only because the job he is trained to do cannot be done if he loses function.  Thankfully, I think he may be able to find something to do at his current employer, just not what he does now, if he ends up with a walker or wheelchair.  Honestly, I tend NOT to think about this.  It makes me a bit sad at our lives changing once again.  But, I do know it could happen and keep it purged away so that the shock doesn't hit me like his accident did. 

Anyways, this site is a great site with lots of great information on spinal cord injuries.

Lisa