Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The love-hate relationship of raising kids....

I say that because there are always parts of parenting you love and there are definitely times you hate!

I love the cuteness of little ones and the way littler kids are able to show their affection for parents and loved ones more freely than any of us as we get older.  And I definitely love the inexpensiveness of littler ones.  Yes, with daycare obviously they're more expensive, but if you take out that sometimes necessary budget line-item, they're cheaper.  I can see why stay-at-home mom have more kids in closer age ranges than we did.  It seems so tempting while they're little.  You just have to remember that they do grow up.  Everyone always tried to tell me that teenagers were harder and more expensive than toddlers and babies, but I too brushed it off instead of listening to sage advice....or rather warnings.  The good thing is I didn't have the kids too close together, so we get a bit of breathers at every stage.

Teenagers are just a different beast. They think they don't need you, so you get attitude.  They're hungry all the time, much like infants, but eat 100 times what an infant does....at least my teenagers do.  They have awkward ways of showing love and affection, but if you work really hard every great once in awhile you get the reward of seeing a glimmer of it shine through their gruff exteriors. One, older parent, once told me that what they are by the time they are about 16 is about what you can expect, with more maturity of course.  They meant, most often if they continue on that same path, with friends, morals etc. if they're not doing drugs and major offenses by then they will probably be okay.  I'm hoping for that because even though my 16 year old gives attitude from time-to-time and makes mistakes, I like who he is.  13 was definitely rougher for him than 16 seems to be.  But, I also think he likes his newly found freedoms of driving and having a job.  Not many hours, but it's still some independence.  I even like my 13 year old better than I did when he was 10-12.  I'm not overly worried about my kids like I was when they were younger.  I'm starting to see, now that they're teenagers, who they're becoming and I like them and I'm proud of them.  I pray they keep down this same way.

I had to have a serious talk with the 11 and 16 year old last night.  13 year old had football practice...we're saving the conversation for a later date for him.  I started out explaining something to them and then we had a nice little chat.  Eventually, the 11 year old got bored, but I chatted with our 16 year old for over 1/2 hour.  We talked about school, politics, everything.  It's interesting to hear his opinion.  He actually thinks ahead for a teenager, more than we give him credit for.  We have very open and honest dialogues with our kids and try to put it in context for their ages and what I've found is that they may not get every piece of it, but as they age they seem to be able to put the pieces together and see a bigger picture for themselves.  They're very aware and observant.

Sometimes, these conversation are needed and we only find out through conversations, they had misgivings.  We were talking about adoption and conversations kids at school had had with him.  As I suspected, people who do not know us equate adoption with wealth.  My child set them straight and informed them their mom is just good with money.  Then, they all found out about our trip to Korea and really assumed we were wealthy, but he nicely informed them all how many years we'd been saving just for that.  He asked more about the little's adoptions and I told him that we had gone the special needs route.  I told him after his birth defect and Chase's birth defect we were okay with kids with some possible special needs and that that route meant reduction in adoption fees and grants (since our income was lower).  He asked about the girls' needs, and I of course, told him that was something to be shared with them first, but then he was asking about Chase.  He knew we had talked about the chromosome translocation in the past, but some how only remembered crohns.  So, I guess he's had it in his mind this whole time that Chase had crohns.  We got that all straightened out now.  :)

Sometimes, teenagers are so pleasant. I really don't mind for the most part.  They are 10 times the worry as you cut the apron strings (and thankfully it's more of a process).  They are 10 times more worry because the mistakes they make are no longer so little, but more impactful to their adult lives.  But, the journey to watching them grow up is absolutely priceless!  And not one I'd trade for anything because I don't have 1 kid out of 5 that I could assume how they will turn out.  I want to watch and see how it all unfolds for them.

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