Ebb and flow

 

The ebbs and flows of grief are exhausting. With me being in the middle of menopause I already struggle with being all over the place but grief greatly exacerbates that.  I feel like I’m up to anything one day and crying over anything and everything the next. 

I went to visit one of my college girls last weekend and came home to a package on our front porch from my cousin.  She had given me this picture with a little sheet explaining kintsugi; the art of repairing cracks with gold. I wasn’t sure where to put the beautiful picture but then realized exactly what needed to be with it. 

Having others in your lives and knowing that they are still thinking about you almost 9 months later means the world. She even wrote notes on the back and told me how they pray for our son and us every night.  That’s the comfort that I still need in the journey.  This, I know, is a long journey. One that I don’t know how to handle and no one can tell me how. I am trying to figure out my limits on things.  And I change my mind often.  And you do this all while trying to keep things somewhat level for the kids I have left.  But the one thing I really feel is that this year is about the 6 of us and having special time together. Time to just be together and make new memories and time remember our lives before.