guilt...the mommy favorite.
My mom is grade A at it with me and my sister. Don't know if she tries to work the same magic with our brother or not. I am just in apprenticeship on it. I have a lot to learn and long way to go. But, since Cole's grades are lacking in some areas and he LOVES his little brother I'm trying a new kind of inspiration...ahem..guilt....to get him to work. He came in to tell Jaemin goodnight and Jaemin wraps his little arms and hands around Cole's neck like no one else. Jaemin totally looks up to him and I totally latched onto that as he was hugging him and Cole was soaking it in. Be a good example for your brother. You only want the best for him, right?
I'll have to try to get better at this truly though. Maybe it comes with age?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Another day, another worry
I feel bad even writing and venting about this, but some days are just tougher than others and that's a fact. I know there are moms out there with kids battling life threatening diseases, major disorders and other traumatic life experiences, but for now this is my world.
I see the other side too. In parent groups I see other moms, much newer and with less age ranges, worrying whether their kids will get enough votes for the newest photo contest or if they're kid is not doing what their friends' kids' are doing or they're upset because the kiddos, not in school, are getting up before 8:00 am.
For me, it's the reality of working outside the home (out the door at 7 and back at 5), spending enough time with them and being able to help them get all that they need TIMES 5. Plus the range in ages is 1-13. That means we're going through almost every developmental stage for children at once. We're only missing the older teen, which I don't look forward to right now, so 'yay me' (to quote London).
So, I have a 1 year old that hits and will not go to bed....until 2 hours of us putting him back to bed 20 times and then finally falling asleep on us. So what I have a 4 year old that can read, but is beginning to go through the sassiness of a little girl her age and making up for all time lost with all due haste and has to be checked out for kidney problems that scare me some; though I try not to focus on what may or may not be. So if I have a 7 year old that listens to about 1/2 of what we say to her and has a love for tattling on older brothers....DAILY...being sure to only pick on one at a time, thinking we don't know (she has admitted to doing this) and most likely is ADD. And, whatever if I have a 9 year old that is caught between a little boy and big boy and sometimes his emotions really give this away and at his size flopping to the floor...not so cute. And it's not a big deal to have that and 13 year that is ADHD/ADD, but can't have meds because he has a heart condition and is brilliant, but doesn't care about his grades, so they randomly go down from time to time throughout the year and he always makes sure to be fair to all the classes and rotates the bad grades around.
I feel stressed right now with all this little stuff packing on and the worst thing is I shouldn't let it stress me. There's nothing I can do about it. They're good kids. They really are. They don't beg for cell phones and other spoiled kid things and they're thankful for what they do have. I have good kids, but how could I not be stressed and worn out...some of the time? And yes I signed up for this gig and I never, for a second regret it, but they are my life and I worry about them. I want only the best for the five little people sharing a room, life and love with us.
I see the other side too. In parent groups I see other moms, much newer and with less age ranges, worrying whether their kids will get enough votes for the newest photo contest or if they're kid is not doing what their friends' kids' are doing or they're upset because the kiddos, not in school, are getting up before 8:00 am.
For me, it's the reality of working outside the home (out the door at 7 and back at 5), spending enough time with them and being able to help them get all that they need TIMES 5. Plus the range in ages is 1-13. That means we're going through almost every developmental stage for children at once. We're only missing the older teen, which I don't look forward to right now, so 'yay me' (to quote London).
So, I have a 1 year old that hits and will not go to bed....until 2 hours of us putting him back to bed 20 times and then finally falling asleep on us. So what I have a 4 year old that can read, but is beginning to go through the sassiness of a little girl her age and making up for all time lost with all due haste and has to be checked out for kidney problems that scare me some; though I try not to focus on what may or may not be. So if I have a 7 year old that listens to about 1/2 of what we say to her and has a love for tattling on older brothers....DAILY...being sure to only pick on one at a time, thinking we don't know (she has admitted to doing this) and most likely is ADD. And, whatever if I have a 9 year old that is caught between a little boy and big boy and sometimes his emotions really give this away and at his size flopping to the floor...not so cute. And it's not a big deal to have that and 13 year that is ADHD/ADD, but can't have meds because he has a heart condition and is brilliant, but doesn't care about his grades, so they randomly go down from time to time throughout the year and he always makes sure to be fair to all the classes and rotates the bad grades around.
I feel stressed right now with all this little stuff packing on and the worst thing is I shouldn't let it stress me. There's nothing I can do about it. They're good kids. They really are. They don't beg for cell phones and other spoiled kid things and they're thankful for what they do have. I have good kids, but how could I not be stressed and worn out...some of the time? And yes I signed up for this gig and I never, for a second regret it, but they are my life and I worry about them. I want only the best for the five little people sharing a room, life and love with us.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
No church day of planting
Yeah, we missed church. After a very lacking night of sleep I wasn't coherent enough to realize that today was First Communion for the area 2nd graders. This meant the church schedule got pushed up. So we all got ready headed out and pulled in. I told Brian something was not right. The Sunday school parking lot was much fuller than usual and there weren't people constantly coming in and out. He said I was imagining things, so I walked in and could hear the teachers reading stories, which meant they were already through the first 1/2 hour. We walked right on out and got in the car. There were others trying to pull in the church parking lot at the same time, so we weren't the only ones who forgot, but I would have been totally embarrassed if any of the teachers had caught us.
I decided to go in and spend my $10 Penney's cash...you know where you spend $10 and get $10 off, so you can get it for free. Chelsi decided to go with me and I haven't spent quality time with her in awhile, so she skipped nap and went. We had a nice time and then went to the nursery so we could FINALLY get some nice flowers in our pots outside. The girls and I planted them this afternoon before supper and Chelsi picked most of them out. We were replacing some flocks that never came back...well they did, but then they died right away, and there were tons of worms in that spot. I pulled them out so I could chop the soil up a bit there and Chelsi was just horrified that Kaelin and I would touch them. Kaelin proceeded to inform me about how the worms have a job to do and that is to poo so they can create compost for the plants to grow healthy in. I'm totally thinking this all comes from her after-school visits to grandpa and grandma's house. Too funny though!
Now all Brian has to do is plant the roma tomato plants I got and we're done with our garden planting. Bring on the veggies 'cause we're loving roasted green beans!
I decided to go in and spend my $10 Penney's cash...you know where you spend $10 and get $10 off, so you can get it for free. Chelsi decided to go with me and I haven't spent quality time with her in awhile, so she skipped nap and went. We had a nice time and then went to the nursery so we could FINALLY get some nice flowers in our pots outside. The girls and I planted them this afternoon before supper and Chelsi picked most of them out. We were replacing some flocks that never came back...well they did, but then they died right away, and there were tons of worms in that spot. I pulled them out so I could chop the soil up a bit there and Chelsi was just horrified that Kaelin and I would touch them. Kaelin proceeded to inform me about how the worms have a job to do and that is to poo so they can create compost for the plants to grow healthy in. I'm totally thinking this all comes from her after-school visits to grandpa and grandma's house. Too funny though!
Now all Brian has to do is plant the roma tomato plants I got and we're done with our garden planting. Bring on the veggies 'cause we're loving roasted green beans!
Calling all working moms with a large family through adoption
I am surely not alone in being a mom who works outside the home and has 5 children. I know this isn't gigantic by measures of the Duggars or Gosslins, but I also don't get paid to have a show. I work because I have to pay for insurance 1/2 of our bills. I work to show our kids life isn't easy and doesn't just drop in your lap. I work, because that's life and life isn't always a choice. Unless I choose to not work and go on assistance...not a choice or a good example to my kids anyways.
So, if you're a mom that works outside the home and has a larger family I want to hear from you. I've been blog searching for months and have yet to find another one, but I know we can't be alone. Pipe in ladies!
Lisa
So, if you're a mom that works outside the home and has a larger family I want to hear from you. I've been blog searching for months and have yet to find another one, but I know we can't be alone. Pipe in ladies!
Lisa
Friday, April 30, 2010
Money thoughts...here you are....from some experts
Finally, an article about strategies we have lived by since I could spend my own money in my early teen years. I especially liked that they mentioned the focus on not forgetting about your annual bills and working them into your budget. So many people forget about these and then struggle to pay their taxes, insurance, Christmas, etc. We have always, since we got married, YEARS ago, transferred the money needed for these bills every month to a separate account. No struggles in that area here.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/8-Questions-for-the-usnews-2193769886.html?x=0
8 Questions for the Constantly Broke
Kimberly Palmer, On Tuesday April 27, 2010, 11:38 am EDT
If you find yourself nervously checking your bank account balance before payday, then perhaps it's time to make some changes. Before swearing off restaurants or cutting up your credit card, ask yourself the following 8 questions, which are designed to help get you back on top of your finances.
Do I know where my money is going? Beyond a quick glance at our credit card statements each month, most of us don't bother tracking how we're spending money. That means we might not realize that our grocery expenses have suddenly skyrocketed, or our utility bills have doubled. Using an online personal financial management tool to automatically track your spending - www.Mint.com and www.Wesabe.com are among the most popular - allows you to figure out where money is going with minimal effort. The programs can also warn you once you get close to your target budget for the month.
Am I focusing too much on the month, instead of the year? Research suggests that people often fall victim to forgetfulness when budgeting by the month. They tend to overlook unexpected and one-time expenses, such as car repairs or gifts, so underestimate how much they'll need to spend. But when people budget by the year, they tend to factor in those costs. Research by University of Southern California's Gulden Ulkumen, Cornell's Manoj Thomas, and New York University's Vicki Morwitz found that college students were about 40 percent off-target when budgeting by the month, but only three percent off base when thinking by the year.
[See Benefits of Budgeting by the Year, Not the Month]
Do I do something everyday that wastes money? It might be a cab ride, lunches, or a six-pack of beer. These types of small, daily expenditures add up, and by the end of month, you could be out $100 or more. (In the case of a $10 lunch on each weekday, that's $200.) Finish Rich author David Bach famously coined the phrase "Latte Factor" to capture this idea. He argues that if you invested the money instead of spending it, you could eventually become a millionaire.
Do I know my own weakness? Almost everyone has one. It might be a golf habit, fancy jeans, or nice dinners. Perhaps it's simply buying more than you need when you're out running errands. Gwyneth Paltrow's budgeting expert for her GOOP newsletter, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, offers the following advice: Carry a stopwatch with you on shopping trips. She also suggests bringing a loyal friend on shopping trips to remind you not to overspend.
Am I saving too much? This question might sound counter-intuitive - how could anyone be saving too much? But if you're going into debt to fund your lifestyle and you've already cut back wherever possible, then it's time to look at how much money you're funneling into your 401(k). While it always makes sense to take advantage of matching programs from your employer, it doesn't make sense to save additional pre-tax dollars at the expense of a hefty credit card bill that comes with a 10 percent or higher interest rate.
Is my relationship hurting my bank account? Even if you're on top of your own finances, your bank account won't reflect it unless your significant other is also on board. If you share credit, in the form of credit cards, auto loans, or a mortgage, then any late payment from your partner can also ding your own credit report. Marriage can intertwine your financial lives even further. Before tying the knot, be sure to review each other's credit histories, talk about whether you prefer joint or separate accounts, and make sure you are familiar with each other's long term financial goals. Couples also often get tripped up when it comes to handling money requests from needy family members. Make sure you're on the same page to prevent tension later.
[See 6 Money Talks to Have Before You Marry]
Are the big items dragging me down? According to Elisabeth Leamy, Good Morning America's consumer correspondent and author of Save Big: Cut Your Top 5 Costs and Save Thousands!, it's the big items, not the small ones, that hurt people's finances the most. She suggests focusing on minimizing your mortgage, car, health, debt, and grocery payments. Buying a used car instead of a new one, for example, can save drivers tens of thousands of dollars. Plus, she says, since "cars these days are really well built, the risk is lower than it used to be."
Am I wasting money by carrying debt? If you're paying down a $10,000 credit card bill with a 15 percent interest rate, then you're paying about $1,500 a year to carry that debt. If you're paying off a $10,000 car loan at 6 percent, then you're wasting $600 a year on interest. If you can find the extra cash, consider paying off those loans so you can stop throwing money away on debt payments.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/8-Questions-for-the-usnews-2193769886.html?x=0
8 Questions for the Constantly Broke
Kimberly Palmer, On Tuesday April 27, 2010, 11:38 am EDT
If you find yourself nervously checking your bank account balance before payday, then perhaps it's time to make some changes. Before swearing off restaurants or cutting up your credit card, ask yourself the following 8 questions, which are designed to help get you back on top of your finances.
Do I know where my money is going? Beyond a quick glance at our credit card statements each month, most of us don't bother tracking how we're spending money. That means we might not realize that our grocery expenses have suddenly skyrocketed, or our utility bills have doubled. Using an online personal financial management tool to automatically track your spending - www.Mint.com and www.Wesabe.com are among the most popular - allows you to figure out where money is going with minimal effort. The programs can also warn you once you get close to your target budget for the month.
Am I focusing too much on the month, instead of the year? Research suggests that people often fall victim to forgetfulness when budgeting by the month. They tend to overlook unexpected and one-time expenses, such as car repairs or gifts, so underestimate how much they'll need to spend. But when people budget by the year, they tend to factor in those costs. Research by University of Southern California's Gulden Ulkumen, Cornell's Manoj Thomas, and New York University's Vicki Morwitz found that college students were about 40 percent off-target when budgeting by the month, but only three percent off base when thinking by the year.
[See Benefits of Budgeting by the Year, Not the Month]
Do I do something everyday that wastes money? It might be a cab ride, lunches, or a six-pack of beer. These types of small, daily expenditures add up, and by the end of month, you could be out $100 or more. (In the case of a $10 lunch on each weekday, that's $200.) Finish Rich author David Bach famously coined the phrase "Latte Factor" to capture this idea. He argues that if you invested the money instead of spending it, you could eventually become a millionaire.
Do I know my own weakness? Almost everyone has one. It might be a golf habit, fancy jeans, or nice dinners. Perhaps it's simply buying more than you need when you're out running errands. Gwyneth Paltrow's budgeting expert for her GOOP newsletter, Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, offers the following advice: Carry a stopwatch with you on shopping trips. She also suggests bringing a loyal friend on shopping trips to remind you not to overspend.
Am I saving too much? This question might sound counter-intuitive - how could anyone be saving too much? But if you're going into debt to fund your lifestyle and you've already cut back wherever possible, then it's time to look at how much money you're funneling into your 401(k). While it always makes sense to take advantage of matching programs from your employer, it doesn't make sense to save additional pre-tax dollars at the expense of a hefty credit card bill that comes with a 10 percent or higher interest rate.
Is my relationship hurting my bank account? Even if you're on top of your own finances, your bank account won't reflect it unless your significant other is also on board. If you share credit, in the form of credit cards, auto loans, or a mortgage, then any late payment from your partner can also ding your own credit report. Marriage can intertwine your financial lives even further. Before tying the knot, be sure to review each other's credit histories, talk about whether you prefer joint or separate accounts, and make sure you are familiar with each other's long term financial goals. Couples also often get tripped up when it comes to handling money requests from needy family members. Make sure you're on the same page to prevent tension later.
[See 6 Money Talks to Have Before You Marry]
Are the big items dragging me down? According to Elisabeth Leamy, Good Morning America's consumer correspondent and author of Save Big: Cut Your Top 5 Costs and Save Thousands!, it's the big items, not the small ones, that hurt people's finances the most. She suggests focusing on minimizing your mortgage, car, health, debt, and grocery payments. Buying a used car instead of a new one, for example, can save drivers tens of thousands of dollars. Plus, she says, since "cars these days are really well built, the risk is lower than it used to be."
Am I wasting money by carrying debt? If you're paying down a $10,000 credit card bill with a 15 percent interest rate, then you're paying about $1,500 a year to carry that debt. If you're paying off a $10,000 car loan at 6 percent, then you're wasting $600 a year on interest. If you can find the extra cash, consider paying off those loans so you can stop throwing money away on debt payments.
Oh the full moon nights can be so tough
A lot of people don't sleep well during full moons and kids, well, they go nuts sometimes. This totally explains the weekend that I posted about a couple of days ago. But, it really causes Jaemin extra angst...though I don't think he sees it that way.
He gets up once a night, most nights, anyways. Right now, he's getting up and STAYING up! He came in my room last night and I put him back in bed. A few minutes later I could hear him toddling back in. This time I just put him in bed hoping he'd just go right to sleep, like usual. Nope! He laid there and patted and stroked by head while just talking away. Back to bed. This went on for one hour! Finally, I got Brian to wake up. He listens and stays in bed if Brian tells him to, but apparently I'm too much of a push over with him.
Funny because I think the older 4 listen to me better and with Jaemin it's reverse. Just can't figure kids out sometimes.
He gets up once a night, most nights, anyways. Right now, he's getting up and STAYING up! He came in my room last night and I put him back in bed. A few minutes later I could hear him toddling back in. This time I just put him in bed hoping he'd just go right to sleep, like usual. Nope! He laid there and patted and stroked by head while just talking away. Back to bed. This went on for one hour! Finally, I got Brian to wake up. He listens and stays in bed if Brian tells him to, but apparently I'm too much of a push over with him.
Funny because I think the older 4 listen to me better and with Jaemin it's reverse. Just can't figure kids out sometimes.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
To push or not to push?
Pushing adoption and culture? Is this right or wrong? I don't think it's necessary right or wrong, but maybe better moderation. Just my personal opinion, though. I'm not really one to push things on any of my kids, adopted or not. I do push values and family togetherness. I do encourage them to respect their family (each other) and learn lessons to be good individuals. Past that...their interests...I don't push. When they find something that suits their interest, that's when I 'encourage'.
So far, the 4 oldest are involved in extra curriculars. I have never pushed a sport or activity. I do open up the option, if it's a viable option for our family. So basically, we encourage the kids to try things. If they don't like them, they have to finish out the season or session and then they can try something new. So far this has worked to their advantage trying to find what they enjoy. For one boy, it's basketball or football. For another boy, it's football or baseball. For one girl, it's all soccer. For another girl, it's gymnastics. The older boys have tried what they were interested in and narrowed it down. The girls are doing the same thing. It's neat to watch them find their niche.
So some adoptive parents choose to push their adopted children into cultural activities and talk about their adoptions on a daily basis. Is this hard on kids? I don't know. I think for some, it's their way of ensuring that they are not taking on the roles past generations of adoptive parents did and ignore international and adoption culture.
I choose to take the middle road with this as we have with activities. We do what we can. We do what we're interested in doing as a family. We all like Korean food, so we do cook Korean on a regular basis. We do get together with our international group for Korean holidays to celebrate. But, we can never emulate true Korean culture because we are not Korean.
I tend to take the middle road on adoption culture too. We don't make it everyday conversation with our kids. They know they're adopted. We do talk about adoption when a situation arises that sounds like a good time to broach a subject and when the kids bring up a question themselves. They are very aware that we are open to answering what we can. And they do feel free to ask. I'm glad they do that.
So, one parent's success by pushing adoption and international culture may not be how we find our family success. Our family enjoys the moderation of the meld we have in our biological/adoptive family mix. We, like our children, just try to find happy mediums so we can be family, but not dismiss what may be important to all of our five kids. They each have their own needs and wants and I would support them whether they're directly related to adoption or not. For instance, my 7 year old told me last night that she would like to live in Korea, one day, for a little bit. I told her that when she's in college she can apply for a scholarship to go to Korea or after college she can find a temporary job and live there for a year and see what she thinks. She's excited about this prospect and since she wants to be a teacher I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for her. I don't support her because it's her birth country and culture, I support her because she's my child, it's an honorable goal in life and a wonderful opportunity for anyone. I would support our two older, biological, children the same way. I guess, I just can't imagine consuming my or their lives with just one thing, be it sports, or adoption. I don't want them blaming every bad thing in their lives with adoption either. I just hope they see it as a way they entered our family. That doesn't mean I ignore that it happened, but it doesn't make them 100% of who they are.
My point is that adoptive parents don't have to try to cut each other down constantly and critize each other because it's not a one size fits all life. We all have our lives to live and we do the best we can with the life we're given. If that's what my children take from me, then I'll be thrilled.
So far, the 4 oldest are involved in extra curriculars. I have never pushed a sport or activity. I do open up the option, if it's a viable option for our family. So basically, we encourage the kids to try things. If they don't like them, they have to finish out the season or session and then they can try something new. So far this has worked to their advantage trying to find what they enjoy. For one boy, it's basketball or football. For another boy, it's football or baseball. For one girl, it's all soccer. For another girl, it's gymnastics. The older boys have tried what they were interested in and narrowed it down. The girls are doing the same thing. It's neat to watch them find their niche.
So some adoptive parents choose to push their adopted children into cultural activities and talk about their adoptions on a daily basis. Is this hard on kids? I don't know. I think for some, it's their way of ensuring that they are not taking on the roles past generations of adoptive parents did and ignore international and adoption culture.
I choose to take the middle road with this as we have with activities. We do what we can. We do what we're interested in doing as a family. We all like Korean food, so we do cook Korean on a regular basis. We do get together with our international group for Korean holidays to celebrate. But, we can never emulate true Korean culture because we are not Korean.
I tend to take the middle road on adoption culture too. We don't make it everyday conversation with our kids. They know they're adopted. We do talk about adoption when a situation arises that sounds like a good time to broach a subject and when the kids bring up a question themselves. They are very aware that we are open to answering what we can. And they do feel free to ask. I'm glad they do that.
So, one parent's success by pushing adoption and international culture may not be how we find our family success. Our family enjoys the moderation of the meld we have in our biological/adoptive family mix. We, like our children, just try to find happy mediums so we can be family, but not dismiss what may be important to all of our five kids. They each have their own needs and wants and I would support them whether they're directly related to adoption or not. For instance, my 7 year old told me last night that she would like to live in Korea, one day, for a little bit. I told her that when she's in college she can apply for a scholarship to go to Korea or after college she can find a temporary job and live there for a year and see what she thinks. She's excited about this prospect and since she wants to be a teacher I think it would be a wonderful opportunity for her. I don't support her because it's her birth country and culture, I support her because she's my child, it's an honorable goal in life and a wonderful opportunity for anyone. I would support our two older, biological, children the same way. I guess, I just can't imagine consuming my or their lives with just one thing, be it sports, or adoption. I don't want them blaming every bad thing in their lives with adoption either. I just hope they see it as a way they entered our family. That doesn't mean I ignore that it happened, but it doesn't make them 100% of who they are.
My point is that adoptive parents don't have to try to cut each other down constantly and critize each other because it's not a one size fits all life. We all have our lives to live and we do the best we can with the life we're given. If that's what my children take from me, then I'll be thrilled.
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