Seoul My Soul

This is the theme for Seoul right now and it’s so true. I’ve been lax on sharing because it’s just been a lot. We’ve taken in so much, felt so much and done so much. I had a major crying breakdown the couple of days before we left. I had been thinking about Cole a lot and the dam finally broke on the Friday we left at her agency. I just went to the bathroom and sat on the floor and let it out. It’s so hard to enjoy something you’re supposed to while you miss someone so much. I think by then we were really missing the others in our family and this just amplified my sadness. 

I did my best to not bring Chelsi down and keep going and have fun with her. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 1/2 months. Take it til you make it doesn’t work so well with grief though. 

Here are the rest of the Seoul photos. 

Ramen Library in Hongdae 

Where Daniel Dae Kim are

Starfield Library Coex

Best hotteoks

Drone show on the river

Communal eating everywhere

Nanta!

Mochi. Yum

Masks so cheap 

Baskin Robins

Mangwon Market. So good for eating and less crowded than Gwangjang 

Insadong (arts)

Yeongjongdo Rail Bike. Really fun and beautiful walk nearby. Just have to learn to take the bus but if you use City Mapper app it will tell you which stop your bus is approaching so that you can get off. 

Hongdae eats and walks. Always where we stay 

Walk to Yongma Waterfall Park in Seoul. Very pretty walk and park. 

Gwangjang Market then eat and walk on Cheonggyecheon Stream and rest 

Return to Seodaemun Prison for Cole.  He picked that on the trip he came on and Chelsi didn’t remember it. So sad. The history is amazing. And we met a nice 88 year old gentleman outside, Mr Park who showed us photos of his grandson who was born and raised in the US. He wanted to practice English on us. He taught himself just so he could talk to his grandson who knows no English. 

Naksan Mountain walk on the wall trail

Sunset is awesome from here

Seoullo 7017

Starbucks for my first time. 

Airport food at Incheon super cheap and good!

Never flown at night. Goodbye Seoul

I live

 here a lot of days. 

It’s a bizarre place to be. I’m happy and living life and then think of him. I try to block out the sad thoughts so I don’t make others sad around me. I try to push through the crowd of sorrow that swells in my head.  And then the dam breaks. I can no longer hold any of it back. It pours out like a gate opened and the water crashes into a valley that’s been dry. 

I am well aware I can’t escape my grief.  I just haven’t quite figure out how to control some of it. There’s no good timing for it. I should live in my moments with my family but feeling his absence is sometimes just too much….too hard. Everything I do is behind hidden tears.  Tears I cry by myself. Away from everyone   I don’t want everyone to know or see how often or how much it still happens.  I know it’s okay. It doesn’t make it easier. Part of the process is learning I guess. 

Little chill day

We decided to chill today. Visited her agency for a file review and are hoping her foster mother can see us before we leave. She had a medical emergency but this is likely our last visit. They told her later this year she can pursue a birth search so she’ll think about that.  

We laid around a bit after that and then went to Mangwon Market to find food. Definitely came back with some yummy snacks for under $16 including the Pepsis from 7-11. And we were so full. Still hoping to find a good hotteok but those are easier to find on a rainy day. 

Took another break and short nap and then went to Insadong to see if we could find some good art.  There were shops closed already so we may have to return during the day.  Found some gifts though.

Our Airbnb this stay  small but typical.

Keeping this to always remember the sounds of Seoul

So I said that it was chill?  I checked my watch and we just barely walked less than yesterday. 🤷‍♀️

 

We came….we have much to eat

 

Did I mention we flew Delta One?  It was awesome treat for sure.  I lucked across $699 upgrades.  That meant eating and waiting in the Sky Lounge in Minneapolis WAY more comfortably. But it also meant having a suite in the plane with doors and lots of storage space and being able to go from sitting to lying flat or anywhere in between on the 13+ hour ride to Incheon. It will be hard to fly economy on our mileage Korean Air tickets to Hawaii next week. But they were free so no complaints. 

A day and a half in Seoul. Maybe not that much.  We arrived arrived to our apartment around 430pm.  We settled and went to eat and check out Hongdae shopping. We decided right then this trip was going to be about eating and shopping and maybe a couple of new and old things. We’ve done a lot over the past 3 trips!  But this is our last so a bit more relaxed and completely unplanned. 

Had Cole not passed away I likely would have planned it. But all we had were the tickets at the time and I lost the ability to care about planning a trip after all of that. Heck I cried on the plane. Some young man boarded our first ride and smiled real big like Cole and I lost it. Chelsi was already asleep so she didn’t notice. The poor guy beside me was trying to avoid me while I tried to suck all my sadness and tears in. I did NOT expect this. 

We have been eating well. Bibimbap our first night. And it was so good. Last night we had a Kimbap type thing and tiny dumplings fried and then covered in a spicy sauce with fries, at the ballpark no less. All of the food and drinks we had at the game, including game tickets, were just over $30 combined. The cheerleaders and MC were as fun as always. The game was fun but then it was sort of a blow out so we left a little early. Back on the subway by 930 and that was the most crowded I’ve ever seen one. No space at all. 

We picked up some shopping items at Goto underground shopping mall.  It’s literally floors below the surface. Sometimes you don’t realize how deep a subway goes until you go up a couple floors or more and are still not street level. 

Onto a new day. Her foster mother had her appendix out this week so that visit has been canceled. We’re hoping she can reschedule before we go but don’t know yet. 

Graduation party #4

 

I didn’t get everyone but got most. She had a great time so that was all that mattered!

Thankful and blessed

 A friend wanted to stop by before they left on their trip and we left on ours to get these to us. What I love about these special gifts is that Cole would have loved these but they’re so pretty I do too.  The little lantern is perfect for me to see on our deck from our living room. And the custom wooden box just took my breath away.  I had that tiny jewelry box I had given our son many years ago that my great great grandpa made. When we got it back we put some of his small things in there but I still had some things that I wanted to keep that were just in my cedar chest waiting for this.  It was perfect. I held back the tears somewhat. Not so much because I was so sad again but because of the thought for these gifts and the beauty of them in memory of our son. We have really been confirming the greatness of our long time friends.

#morememories #bestfrirnds #lovedones