Moving somewhere

 

Anywhere with anything.  

When you’re having a day, week, month or even a year (F•R•I•E•N•D•S) sometimes you just need something to move forward. I feel like in the past couple of weeks between menopause hormones and grief I have absolutely moved backwards. Back to daily crying, feeling lost, feeling impossibly incapable of everything except quiet and sadness. 

Today, I decided I wanted things to move forward. I got my project figured out at work. I made the calls I’d been putting off on my break.  And somehow in all of that I managed to get one thing done from start to finish. 

Moen has a lifetime guarantee so now that the ell drop has gone bad I wanted to get it fixed. Even the finish is guaranteed. The finish had come off in spots and was ending up with hard water minerals depositing leaving it looking awful every SINGLE time I showered.  The place in town had the parts and just provided them to us. 

We had a little trouble (maybe more) getting the old one off. It’s not unusable as it bent with the crescent wrench.  However we have the brand new piece in place and it looks great. They even gave us a new escutcheon plate that fits and looks nicer than the old one. 

It’s amazing how something so seemingly boring and trivial can take some anxiety from me. I’m an OCD person anyways and when I go through something traumatic that part of me gets worse after I go through the flight or fight part of it. That’s where I’m securely at. 

Wishes

 Do you ever just wish?

That you were truly loved the way you try to love others. 

That you were really seen and heard. 

That you didn’t feel so much pain that you have gone from being numb to feeling everything in you hurt; both mentally and physically. 

We all have wishes. I have so many. But these are my biggest and deepest. 

What the what?

 It was a good day starting out. 

Got up and cut hair for husband and oldest boy at home. When daughter #2 arrived home from college she and I got ready to run errands and shop for a minute.  Right before we left oldest boy at home had me look at his eye after something he was working on flew up and hit him in the eye.  I didn’t see anything so I just told him to go to the ER with his dad if he still had blurred vision after an hour.  

We got the call while we were out that they did have to go to the ER and was told he had a corneal laceration.  He has a follow up visit this week and was given antibiotics and pain meds. The pharmacy was going to be a bit and friends were coming over for fantasy draft so they came home and then I took the kid back in after the meds were filled.  Of course the meds said should be taken with food so we thought that was best and McDonald’s was across the street so we could just get it all done quickly. Did curbside and proceeded to try to leave except my battery was dead. 3 1/2 year old car so I’m not sure what was on to draw it down but it did.  Called hubby so he and his friends headed out to is so they could continue the drafting (hubby put boy#3 in charge of his draft) and rescue us. 

By the time we got home I was more than ready to eat and relax outside!

Hoping the boy’s vision and the car will be okay. Time will tell. 

Define your future

 When your kid starts making lures and refining his skills over the next decade it’s amazing to watch. As he persevered through high school kids making jokes about his hobby but he’s still enjoying that hobby years later I’m super proud of this kid.  He’s always fishing…work, free time….whenever he can. 

This kid has always had skills.  He has always loved art.  He has really grown with it over his life.  He draws out his own designs, carves them and paints them while developing all color schemes as well.  His love for fishing since he was so small always amazed me.  He did it.  He fishes at work and he fishes at home.

@cfor_finarts 

 #enjoy life #dowhatyoulovelovewhatyoudo  #supportyourkidsdreams #watchthemgo 

God in my life

 This song is amazing. I feel God. I know He hasn’t abandoned me. I know that this storm is by far the worst of the turbulence I’ve been through in my life but He is here. I trust that though I hate the situation and daily feel the pain I will feel Him when I need to.  I have never felt so steadfast in my faith but don’t mistake that for not grieving or feeling intense pain.  It’s all I really have to get me through this. I have so many great people surrounding me right now but this is a battle I need God for. It’s that big. It’s that scary and painful. And I’m looking to Him to guide me in the direction I need to go to find me again. I’m not lost in faith. Just lost in my life. 

I have always shared my feelings for God, openly, to my kids.  I believe because God has gotten me through so many hard times even when I blamed Him or thought He was punishing me. I haven’t gone back to that place during all of this. Maybe I’m too tired to fight?  Or maybe it really is all I have.  If I can’t believe that God will help through this I may as well stop now. No one can make me feel better. No one and not a thing in this world  will bring my son back and make me feel whole again but I’m choosing to believe that God will help me find peace to life in. 

#choosefaith #griefishard

New kid on the block

 Moms, remember sending your kids to college is not sad. It’s a new beginning of independence for them. Let them start adulting before they go and you’ll feel confident in their ability to do what they need and make good decisions. And some of those decisions include calling or texting you for advice. That doesn’t mean they’re not independent. That means they know when they need their home base contact.  

Third kid being dropped off for college and haven’t cried yet. I’m happy for them. Of course, we’ll see her in a few days. I let her make her own mistakes and left the packing to her. She forgot her he rest of her pencils and most importantly she forgot her blankie. lol. She’ll make it to the weekend. 

Pardon the Monica hair. It was straightened and smooth in the morning and then we were caught in a really hard shower there.  My hair immediately frizzed out. 

Integrity and kindness

 

Sometimes you get to find out that your kids really do know what’s right and wrong when they don’t know you see.  My 15 year old is an Atlanta Falcon fan first and foremost. BUT, he LOVES football so going to the Kansas City Chiefs training camp was a no brainer. He keeps on top of every pro player and knows everything about them.  

He brought his football for autographs but when he went towards the field to get them there were a lot of younger kids and some were crying because adults were shoving their way in. He backed off so that kids could get autographs. He didn’t want to be a part of that. He said those kids were bigger Chiefs fans anyways and he didn’t want to be in their way.  

Sometimes your kids just make the really right choices and make you proud.  Even when it means they don’t end up with something that would have been social media worthy or make friends envious; they do what’s right.

#sweetboy #chiefstrainingcamp #goodkids