Sad week....

Football's over.  They lost their first playoff game, but did so well being 6 and 1 for the season.  So while I'm sad to not watch Chase tackle anyone anymore, it's nice for life to calm down a bit.

Cole tried out for basketball, but only being 5'4" at 13 is not tall enough to make a competitive junior high team.  I'm very sad for him since this was the only sport he was interested in that his cardiologist would allow him to play.  I'm hoping he'll find peace with it.

The worst part of the week, and by far the most sad, was the loss of our lab Butter.  He came to us from the local pound in June and has been the favorite dog to me and the kids.  He was a wonderful dog and so much fun.  He was so well behaved at 3 years old.  He didn't jump and go crazy.  He loved to be pet and lay with the kittens.  He LOVED to play frisbie and catch balls and sticks the kids threw.  He was hilarious sometimes.  He would run and roll over because he tripped over himself or run into things as he ran.  He reminded me of Chance in the Incredible Journey.  Just a great, great dog.  But, we came home to find him laying across the street.  He obviously had drug himself over to where he was and his back legs were paralyzed, so he did it all with his front.  He was bleeding everywhere and we could tell he had been completely run over on his whole back side.  The person who hit him didn't hit him.  They ran over him.  There's no way they couldn't have known what happened after running over an 80 lb lab.  And since our road is dead end they had to have been driving way too fast which makes it all the worse.  No one has called or let us know they did it.  He has tags and everything and nothing.  They just did it so callously.  We called the vet and got him there, but after taking xrays he found that his pelvis was fractured so badly it had pierced his colon and he was bleeding out.  We had to let the vet put him down so he could go in peace.

We tried to reinforce to the boys that we did everything possible.  The vet didn't know of anyone who would have a decent chance of saving him.  He said there was truly nothing we could do.  We told the boys we had to accept it.  Chase said his goodbye after they brought him back home.  He couldn't bear to bury him.  Cole didn't go with them to the vet because he was afraid it was this bad, but I talked him into helping his dad bury him so he could have some closure and say goodbye.  They each had a cup of hot chocolate and we talked and hugged and cried.  Jaemin still goes to the door calling for Butter.  They both seem a little better this morning, but it's going to hit them again when they go outside to play after school and he's not there to play with.  I miss him not walking to the mailbox with me or going on our walk down the road with us.  I miss him not scratching on our door for attention.  I miss not seeing him lying in the sun, warming himself or sitting with the kittens.  I miss Butter.  How can you replace such a great dog!

Life

It's been a bit since the last post, but what can I say?  I'm just enjoying life...other than a near run over crossing the street (at a light like I was supposed to I might add) going to work this morning.  You'd think I'd be less tired working part time, but I'm slightly more tired.  Just more active I think.  Tomorrow's a busy day, but Friday should be a little more restful...as much as possible with 2 little ones at home.

We spent the other night outside playing with our Walmart purchases from the weekend.  We bought some water colors and the kids painted.  Then, the girls colored one of my rocks in the rock garden.  It's okay, I told them they could.  Jaemin didn't last long painting, so Cole took him inside.  But the girls were out for awhile.


This, obviously, is not of them painting, but Jaemin so reminds me of Chase in this.  So cute!

New pictures for grandma

Fun with pictures.  They're all edited and complete.  Here are a few.

She's changing her habits

I don't know if it's because she's now going to my mom's some of the week and she does the same things with her with how she raised me, staying home more, just growing up or a combination, but it's great.  Chelsi is finally eating better foods.  Of course, this after eating the same supper for 3 nights.  I made goulash Monday and she did NOT like it at all.  The rest of us thought it was pretty good.  She agreed to finish it Tuesday and on Tuesday she decided to finish it Wednesday.  It was only one scoop.   Seriously.  She didn't get the meals we had those nights since she still had to finish her goulash and Tuesday we had pancakes and egg casserole for brinner, so I think that made an impact.  She loves that. 

Wednesday, Chelsi decided she really did want to eat whatever we were having.  Especially since Thursday I had planned to make chapjae and sigeumchi nameul.  Last night she was pretty happy she finished her goulash and she ate a ton of chapjae and rice.  But, the shock was when yesterday for lunch she decided to try Jaemin's yogurt.  She liked it...but she's said that before and never tried that food again.  Today, I had a package of chocolate donuts I was using as a reward, so I asked her if she wanted a donut after she ate her chapjae for lunch.  She said she'd rather have a whole yogurt to herself.  We've tried to get her to realize yogurt is good for years!  For breakfast I thought for sure she'd pick out the chocolate peanut butter cereal since we didn't have anymore pancakes, but no, she picked out the grain cereal. 

So proud of her and her new healthy habits.  On top of that she's finally stayed dry for 2 nights in a row.  It's been months since that's happened.  I told her if she started staying dry we'd sign her back up for gymnastics.  I gotta get one of these kids out of diapers/pullups now that our budget is tighter.  Oy!

Spa night at my house

Oh, you think I didn't invite you?  Well, it was a private party.

I sat on the floor with my knees propped up while Jaemin, occasionally, rubbed my toes (after a shower, don't get grossed out) and Kaelin and Chelsi put makeup on me and fixed my hair.  Kaelin said I had lovely highlights, but then I informed her I actually have white hair now.  Apparently, instead of going gray, I think I'm going white.  Then, Kaelin and Chelsi both informed me I should dye my hair black to look like them.  I told them I'll just leave mine be so I can be me and they can be them.  I'm not big on coloring or highlighting.   Just too much maintenance.  Kaelin decided she needed to make me look younger then.  So now not only do I need black hair to not look like me I look old.  They put on powder and blush and gave me lopsided pigtails and said I looked much younger.  I'd post a picture, but trust me.....I didn't look younger.  I looked like someone my age trying to look a little younger.  It didn't help.  I'm beyond help.  :)

But, it was nice of the girls to spend 45 minutes or so doing this for me. 

A temporary new life

for us.

Temporarily, like I said, I get to work part time.  I don't know how long, so really, I'm just soaking it all up while I can.  I only have to work 2-3 days/week depending on what's going on at work and I can work around what I need for the kids.  This is the first time in my life as a mother I've been able to do this and it is WONDERFUL!

I've asked to do this for years.  I've wanted and prayed for this since Chase was born 10 years ago.  Last week was my first week and it was great driving the big kids to school and then running errands or just going home to play outside with Chelsi and Jaemin.  We got to do fingerpainting, go to the library, cook together and just enjoy each other.  We even squeeze in reading time.  It's everything I ever wanted.  It's a perfect balance for a mother to still work to carry health insurance yet have time to get everything done in a busy household of 5 kids and 2 adults.  Finally, Brian can rest a bit.  He finally gets to come home to supper and then sit down instead of running for yet another load of laundry for the night.  We no longer feel like we're chasing our tales.  We can finally relax and it is the best feeling every.  It's truly perfect for me.

Now, the money...that's another thing.  But, hey, money isn't everything.  When I found out my paycheck would be dropping a whopping $220/month in January due to our insurance changes I realized I was truly working to pay insurance and daycare.  I won't make this about my rants on how my employer penalizes employees with children for working and caring for their children and basically being responsible...which should be the nature of my employer.  This decrease in pay left no money to do anything with the kids with what little time we had to do it.  We're planning to barely squeak by with the decrease.  So, I looked at our budget with a microscope.  We realized we could refinance the house yet again and get a lower payment and forgo some minor things, get rid of daycare (thanks to the Grandmas and a Grandpa) and I could work part time and survive.  It's going to truly be a balancing act with the money, but it was going to be anyways, so it made sense to make the best of it and be with the kids more.

And for now, they're letting me do it.  Hopefully, at least until Chelsi gets out of daycare so it's not quite so high.  I'd love to make it stretch to Cole's surgery and appointments in another 1 or so.  But, I'm learning to find a new definition of happiness.  That's not to constantly worry about tomorrow and the things you can't control.  It's to love what you got while you got it.  And I know God knows my heart and when I say I want happiness it will be by his definition of knowing me and not mine.  So when I pray or wish for anything I just say "I want to be happy".  Happy's a very wide meaning and God knows this of me.  It's keeping my kids and husband healthy and with me and keeping us together.  And getting us where we need to go when we need to go in our lives.


So, this is my happy.  This is me getting to live how the other half live.  Being a part time, stay-at-home mom while providing for her family to help put food on the table.  Thank God for this opportunity!  This is the best job ever and it makes me actually like my paying job a little more knowing they appreciated me enough to see the struggle we were in financially and otherwise.

Here's what we do when we're home.

My birthday babies