No pictures or recs tonight. Just alone with my thoughts since hubby went to sleep early to get one more morning of hunting in before season closes.
This year has been such a harsh commitment to the feelings we, moms, get as we parent our kids through life. The conflicted feelings because we’re proud of a kid for something and because they’re kids they make a mistake and maybe get in trouble at school or something and so we’re disappointed all at the same time. Or maybe it’s one kid seems to be in a healthy relationship while another just ended one and they’re broken hearted? When these times come, and there seems to be many times this year, I feel so confused. Not literally. I mean I know what’s going on and with who but I think it’s hard for my nervous system to gauge my feelings and regulate me. Almost like you feel frozen because you don’t know exactly what to do or where to go next. Not even sure that makes sense but it’s the best I can describe.
I know as they all grow into adults I’m going to have so many more times like this. I’m going to have to find a better way to deal so I don’t have the emotional drain of the fear and pain I feel for them. I mean who doesn’t. When your child has another one break their heart it’s like it’s yours. They are my heart. I can feel their sadness through my heart and my whole being and I’m having to learn to separate myself from it so they can encounter and experience life and get through the same that we did but what you want is to reach out and hug them. But what I’ve found, especially with boys, is that they don’t really want you to.
So I’ll do the one thing I know a mom can do. I’ll pray!
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