While I absolutely adore a snuggle with my little man, after just under 3 years I really need a night's sleep. No interruptions. Finally something seems to be clicking. I've offered candy, etc. as bribes a million times and he politely lets me know that he'd rather sleep with me than have whatever he wants. I am what he wants. That feels good and all, but I really need sleep. Last week I told him I was going to lock him out and he said okay when I was tucking him in his bed. I locked him out and, of course, he tried to come in to snuggle and couldn't get in. He went back to his room screaming for me. I went in and sat on his bed and got him calmed. I turned on his Korean children's songs (I finally got him to listen to music to help him sleep and that has helped) and sat back on his bed with him to snuggle for a minute. I told him him to look at the window. I told him that when it was dark it was time to sleep and that I would only be across the hall in my room and I will never leave him because I love him so much. I then told him that when the sun comes up and there's light in the window it was time to come snuggle with mom or get up and play.
Who would have known that I would get 4 nights of sleep after that. It's been wonderful. One night he actually stayed in his bed all night. The other nights he came in and I would just tell him his window was still dark and he quietly went back to his bed for the night. One night he must have planned to sleep on my floor as usual because when I got up the quilt from the living room (that I use as his pallet) was lying on the floor. I asked him tonight, before putting him in bed, when he should get out of bed and he happily said "when sun comes up".
He's been in such a good mood getting a good sleep and I have too, it's been great. It may not last forever, but for whatever reason, for now, it's working to just logically talk to him and reason with him. I know. What 3 year old is reasonable. Apparently mine. He's such a sweetheart!!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
What to do, what to do
Such a quandary my son is in. He has the 'chore' of coming up with something he would like to have or do. Of course, I'm sure there is a monetary limit, so it's not the sky's the limit, but it's still a great opportunity. As much as it is just that, it's sort of hard for him. Think about it. You can come up with one thing you really want to do? Anything? He's started a list and I've asked him to come up with a family thing too in case they ask him too. It seems most kids' wishes include their families in some way. He's got time, but he still needs to come up with some real ideas...which is so much harder than you think for a 14 year old.
What am I talking about? Cole got approved for Make a Wish Foundation and the Make a Wish wish granters will be visiting us in a few weeks to talk with him and us about his ideas and to give us some ideas. My understanding, after that, is that they go off and come up with a way to make a dream come true for him and they come back when it's all set up and the doctor gives him a physical okay (for health reasons).
I got the voicemail today from Make a Wish that his cardiologist had approved him. I just always thought this was for terminally ill children, but if you actually read their web site, it's for kids with 'life threatening diseases'. They throw them into different categories within that category and if their condition is 'progressive' they can be approved.
I was completely shocked to find out, but so happy for Cole. He's had many years of being told no to so much when he felt well enough to do it, for his own protection. He gets to be special for this now and have some sort of special experience or get something special. I don't know what it will be in the end. I don't know what he'll narrow it down to or what they grant. It will be another surprise and very possibly still in 2012. So make fun of me, 'cause yeah I cried when I heard the message. Cole, the otherhand, was very matter of fact when I told him, but he said it will feel more real when there's a wish. I get that too. He's a guy.
What am I talking about? Cole got approved for Make a Wish Foundation and the Make a Wish wish granters will be visiting us in a few weeks to talk with him and us about his ideas and to give us some ideas. My understanding, after that, is that they go off and come up with a way to make a dream come true for him and they come back when it's all set up and the doctor gives him a physical okay (for health reasons).
I got the voicemail today from Make a Wish that his cardiologist had approved him. I just always thought this was for terminally ill children, but if you actually read their web site, it's for kids with 'life threatening diseases'. They throw them into different categories within that category and if their condition is 'progressive' they can be approved.
I was completely shocked to find out, but so happy for Cole. He's had many years of being told no to so much when he felt well enough to do it, for his own protection. He gets to be special for this now and have some sort of special experience or get something special. I don't know what it will be in the end. I don't know what he'll narrow it down to or what they grant. It will be another surprise and very possibly still in 2012. So make fun of me, 'cause yeah I cried when I heard the message. Cole, the otherhand, was very matter of fact when I told him, but he said it will feel more real when there's a wish. I get that too. He's a guy.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The season has come to an end
Cole is done wrestling. He definitely gave it his all and if he'd had one more win he would have made it to the final 4 for the district. But, then again he was up against a sophomore with a lot of experience. The other 3 were the top ranked in the state. Tough challenge. He did well and we're so proud of him. He wants to continue on with conditioning with one of the coaches until next season, which is his choice, but good for him. Next year will be better, I know it. To celebrate I bought him some nice, fattening, ice cream since he's had to watch his weight for last few months. Hopefully the cardiologist will have good news for us in two weeks. This will be the very first time he's competed in any sport and worked out regularly, so I can't help but wonder if or how it might affect his heart.
Cole, I love you and I'm so proud of you.
On their own time.
This is what happens when little girls want to try out their camera. They take goofy pictures....and these are only a few of about 80 I took off her camera. There were a multitude of picture of each stuffed animal by themselves as well as books.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Ups and Downs; parenting is not for whimps!
I have hurt so much, in my heart, over the years of parenting. It's so awesome to celebrate with the kids, but when they hurt I'm not convinced I don't hurt double. It literally hurts to see or hear them hurting.
Cole, came home from practice yesterday and was definitely upset. It took awhile, but I got it out of him that a volunteer coach, that is not affiliated with the school in any way, said some things that I found less than an appropriate for an adult to say to a 14 year old. He said that he 'sucked' and would 'never win a match' and 'never amount to anything'. He cried so hard he gasped. That's so hard to watch your tough teenager do that. The 'coach', and I say that lightly, said it quiet enough to make sure the other boys didn't hear it and he waited for the head coach and assistant coach (the teacher/paid coaches) to leave before he did it. It was something he had planned and waited for his moment to break him.
We both talked to him for awhile last night. We tried to talk him into bringing it to the attention of the head coach, but a part of him was afraid one of the other volunteer coaches (who is a teacher and this guy's friend) would retaliate against him, academically. I could see that based on conversations I've had with this teacher. So as hard as it was I said nothing last night or today. We spoke to him again tonight and Cole says it's all fine he just wants to forget about it. We told him he should still approach the head coach, but we decided to leave it up to him. I asked him to write down his exact words and the date in case he pulled anything next year, should Cole decide to wrestle and I told him if he did say anything or do anything next year something will said and it will be stopped immediately. Bullying is hard enough from your peers, which Cole has experiences, but adults? Come, stinkin' on!
As of last night he said he wasn't going to wrestle next year, but tonight he said he probably still will. We told him, last night, he cannot let this guy keep him from doing what he enjoys. I would be livid if he quit after liking it so well, because of what this adult said! As long as he still plans to wrestle, on his own terms, I won't say anything. He seems much more upbeat today and is ready for districts. So, while I'm still a little upset and know this guy had no place saying such a thing to any kid, I am respecting Cole's decision after much discussion. He went out with some friends after practice (I know he was shocked I let him go too) and seemed pretty happy after all that.
I know I've said it before. People think terrible twos and threes, etc. are so horrible. The older your child get the harder it gets. The harder the hurts are for them and that hurts so much on mom. Now, I'm praying, like crazy, and if you can pray too that would be great, that there will be an upset at districts and somehow he'll be a state qualifier. I want nothing more than for this heart kid to do things no one thought he ever would. I don't mind watching my kid lose, honestly. It's not about bragging rights, but for all the other heart kids out there and just for his spirit I want to see him go just that far!
Cole, came home from practice yesterday and was definitely upset. It took awhile, but I got it out of him that a volunteer coach, that is not affiliated with the school in any way, said some things that I found less than an appropriate for an adult to say to a 14 year old. He said that he 'sucked' and would 'never win a match' and 'never amount to anything'. He cried so hard he gasped. That's so hard to watch your tough teenager do that. The 'coach', and I say that lightly, said it quiet enough to make sure the other boys didn't hear it and he waited for the head coach and assistant coach (the teacher/paid coaches) to leave before he did it. It was something he had planned and waited for his moment to break him.
We both talked to him for awhile last night. We tried to talk him into bringing it to the attention of the head coach, but a part of him was afraid one of the other volunteer coaches (who is a teacher and this guy's friend) would retaliate against him, academically. I could see that based on conversations I've had with this teacher. So as hard as it was I said nothing last night or today. We spoke to him again tonight and Cole says it's all fine he just wants to forget about it. We told him he should still approach the head coach, but we decided to leave it up to him. I asked him to write down his exact words and the date in case he pulled anything next year, should Cole decide to wrestle and I told him if he did say anything or do anything next year something will said and it will be stopped immediately. Bullying is hard enough from your peers, which Cole has experiences, but adults? Come, stinkin' on!
As of last night he said he wasn't going to wrestle next year, but tonight he said he probably still will. We told him, last night, he cannot let this guy keep him from doing what he enjoys. I would be livid if he quit after liking it so well, because of what this adult said! As long as he still plans to wrestle, on his own terms, I won't say anything. He seems much more upbeat today and is ready for districts. So, while I'm still a little upset and know this guy had no place saying such a thing to any kid, I am respecting Cole's decision after much discussion. He went out with some friends after practice (I know he was shocked I let him go too) and seemed pretty happy after all that.
I know I've said it before. People think terrible twos and threes, etc. are so horrible. The older your child get the harder it gets. The harder the hurts are for them and that hurts so much on mom. Now, I'm praying, like crazy, and if you can pray too that would be great, that there will be an upset at districts and somehow he'll be a state qualifier. I want nothing more than for this heart kid to do things no one thought he ever would. I don't mind watching my kid lose, honestly. It's not about bragging rights, but for all the other heart kids out there and just for his spirit I want to see him go just that far!
Monday, February 6, 2012
#1 Question Adoptive Parents (and other parents) seem to have...
How do I know when my family is complete? Now, if you do not belong to online forums then you probably don't know what I'm talking about. But, on adoption forums, particularly, this is a topic that comes up quite often. I use to wonder it myself and would read all of the responses waiting for that magic answer to tell me when that wanting feeling, that anxious gnawing, in my heart, would go away.
I don't remember anyone explaining it in any other way other than saying they 'just knew'. I can definitely say I know or at least am 99% sure. I like to leave the other 1% for God intervention on expanding a family. The best way I, however, can explain it is to say it's the moment when you look at your kids and your heart feels completely full. It's the moment when, adoptive parents, don't peruse waiting children sites anymore with thoughts other than "gosh I hope they find a family that can love them and take care of them". It's the moment when you look at the profile of a waiting child you realize that even minor issues can become more involved and you have enough on your plate. It was the moment when I realized that Jaemin's needs for me to be with him and involved with him outrank any other child (other than my other 4) on the face of this Earth right now. It was the moment I realized that I don't want to divide my time any further because I need to be with him as much.
Okay, so maybe that doesn't help a non-adoptive parent. But, I guess you can insert your newborn baby for waiting child profile except it's the idea of it rather than the baby existing yet? Don't know if that makes sense anymore. I guess my point is I knew it when it happened. It wasn't instant. It was definitely something that took time. Maybe it's my age or that's part of it, not that I'm old by any stretch. And I definitely think this is why agencies (good ones) want you to take time with your new child so you can figure out what their needs are and yours. You can figure out if maybe they need you and there's not a good time to add to. 6 months or even a year, honestly, is not enough time for this.
This is what works for our family. I'm done having my own. I'm happy right where we are and it really is a great feeling. So much better this feeling is than the one when someone was missing just 3 1/2 years ago. Each child of mine filled a little hole in my heart like a puzzle. Jaemin was that last piece that you celebrate over because the hard work of putting it together is over and it's time to just adore your masterpiece. The easy times and hard times of life all led us down this road and we landed right where we were supposed to. Getting 5 hugs every night from 5 great kids that I love.
I don't remember anyone explaining it in any other way other than saying they 'just knew'. I can definitely say I know or at least am 99% sure. I like to leave the other 1% for God intervention on expanding a family. The best way I, however, can explain it is to say it's the moment when you look at your kids and your heart feels completely full. It's the moment when, adoptive parents, don't peruse waiting children sites anymore with thoughts other than "gosh I hope they find a family that can love them and take care of them". It's the moment when you look at the profile of a waiting child you realize that even minor issues can become more involved and you have enough on your plate. It was the moment when I realized that Jaemin's needs for me to be with him and involved with him outrank any other child (other than my other 4) on the face of this Earth right now. It was the moment I realized that I don't want to divide my time any further because I need to be with him as much.
Okay, so maybe that doesn't help a non-adoptive parent. But, I guess you can insert your newborn baby for waiting child profile except it's the idea of it rather than the baby existing yet? Don't know if that makes sense anymore. I guess my point is I knew it when it happened. It wasn't instant. It was definitely something that took time. Maybe it's my age or that's part of it, not that I'm old by any stretch. And I definitely think this is why agencies (good ones) want you to take time with your new child so you can figure out what their needs are and yours. You can figure out if maybe they need you and there's not a good time to add to. 6 months or even a year, honestly, is not enough time for this.
This is what works for our family. I'm done having my own. I'm happy right where we are and it really is a great feeling. So much better this feeling is than the one when someone was missing just 3 1/2 years ago. Each child of mine filled a little hole in my heart like a puzzle. Jaemin was that last piece that you celebrate over because the hard work of putting it together is over and it's time to just adore your masterpiece. The easy times and hard times of life all led us down this road and we landed right where we were supposed to. Getting 5 hugs every night from 5 great kids that I love.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I have a driveway!
So excited that my driveway is finally done! We can drive on it on Monday. And it poured this weekend and no traveling gravel for once. It will be so much easier to keep up with. He gave us the bill this morning and it's exactly what the bid said, so we're perfectly happy with his work and cost.
Us staying on target for the things our home loan will pay for (the updates and fixes to the house) are so important for us to hopefully go to Korea. Watching the budget, I'm still pretty nervous about the thought of being able to go in 2013. I get so nervous, but feel pretty strong about the need for us to go before something keeps us from going as a complete family. Yet, I've had this sort of weird calmness about me since the first of 2012 that everything will be just fine and we'll get our dream trip to Seoul. I'm going to keep on praying, keep on saving and keep on hoping we'll get there and by the end of this year hopefully we'll have some plans started. Gulp!
Us staying on target for the things our home loan will pay for (the updates and fixes to the house) are so important for us to hopefully go to Korea. Watching the budget, I'm still pretty nervous about the thought of being able to go in 2013. I get so nervous, but feel pretty strong about the need for us to go before something keeps us from going as a complete family. Yet, I've had this sort of weird calmness about me since the first of 2012 that everything will be just fine and we'll get our dream trip to Seoul. I'm going to keep on praying, keep on saving and keep on hoping we'll get there and by the end of this year hopefully we'll have some plans started. Gulp!
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