I mean biological children from adoptees?
I know a lot of adoptees do feel different from their siblings who are biological to their parents and I'm sure that same scenario can be vice versa too. But, a lot of the adoptees you hear from were adopted decades ago. So much has changed. Adoptive parent education has greatly changed and not to mention just the world itself. I know there's a vast difference between the world I grew up in and the world my sister grew up in. We are 1 decade apart and a lot of times it feels that we are a full generation apart. I truly believe there's a generational gap between her and I. It closes in as we get older, of course, it's there.
Our attorney was watching my kids interact with each other in the hallway while we were waiting to finalize Jaemin's adoption last month. She mentioned that a lot of siblings she sees together where some are biological and some are adopted, and close in age, don't interact the same. She asked if they're the same way at home. I said "of course, sometimes they fight and sometimes they don't, but which ones are doing what varies." She asked how we broached the topic of adoption long ago and I told her the thing when we first started the process 8 years ago the boys were only 5 and 2. While we included our oldest in the discussion nothing seemed out of order to them or any different than a baby coming home from the hospital. They never acted any different. And as she got older they began including her on both the fun and the fights. Progressively, each time we adopted, we included the older children on the decision. We are very open with our kids and told them the negatives such as; not as much money for vacations, stuff, etc. But, did they want another child to share their lives with? The answer has always been yes...without hesitation. Even when Jaemin's surprise call came they really never hesitated, even knowing that number 5 would make things even more difficult.
Are they really so different? We do treat them different on occasion. But, it's mostly in our reactions. Some of what we do different is based on what we've learned from previous parenting and getting older. Some of our different parenting is things like not letting people hold right away, holding them more often, doing things that would look like spoiling, but are really just trust building exercises. We experience more because of them....but that's not parenting. This is more of an expanded world for us, that is due to them. We are fortunate to have our eyes opened up to Korean cuisine and the beautiful culture. If I had a close friend or family member I think I would be the same way because I am curious by nature. Do we really treat them different? I think no. Even some of the stuff that I have learned from adoptive parenting are good things to do for any parent and since the world is evolving I've noticed nonadoptive parents doing some of these same things.
Will my children have issues because we adopted some of them? Maybe? Will my children have issues because we didn't go to Korea to get some of them? Maybe. But, I think a lot of that will be their personality. For now, I know that we do our best. We have open, honest discussions with them and I thoroughly encourage them to talk to me about anything. I hope they always do. I open discussions if it seems like the opportune time and close them when they're not at their level. I never lie though.
I hope my kids don't think they were any different to us, one day. I hope they realize they all mean the world to us. We could care less how any of them came into the world....we would move mountains to take care of them and protect them. I love watching them interact. You can see the bond between them all. Their bond is close. They do fight and often, but that's not unexpected considering their closeness in age and the fact that in a house this small you can't actually get away from anyone. For God sake I have to go to my closet for timeout. But, they're amazing, even at their worst. I'm glad they will always have each other. I'm glad that because of three of them we will have some experiences we would never have had without them...such as going to Korea. There's nothing better than memories with your family. And they are my family and Korea is part of me because it's part of them.
I think I actually ventured a lot...but in the end I just don't think they're really all that different. We do our best with all 5, regardless and by default of personality they are all 5 different and we do parent them 5 different ways.
Lisa
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Kids need to expend energy
It's a fact. Staying inside too much is not good for any kid AND they drive parents nuts when they do. So anytime it's tolerable and the kids want to go outside....we say "go for it!"
The snow has just melted and it's soggy as it can get out there, but thankfully we have quite a bit of concrete for them to stay on. Of course, they still manage to find mud, but can't help that. Today, the big boys drew a track on the driveway and they decided to ride their bikes. It's also finally warm enough for their daily jogs again. They used to do them everyday and it REALLY helped with their irritation level, and therefore ours. It's a quick jog, but it tires them enough they don't fight near as much. :)
The snow has just melted and it's soggy as it can get out there, but thankfully we have quite a bit of concrete for them to stay on. Of course, they still manage to find mud, but can't help that. Today, the big boys drew a track on the driveway and they decided to ride their bikes. It's also finally warm enough for their daily jogs again. They used to do them everyday and it REALLY helped with their irritation level, and therefore ours. It's a quick jog, but it tires them enough they don't fight near as much. :)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Save More, Live Better....Walmart
:)
Had to post the slogan. Chelsi loves to repeat it all the time. We are obviously there too often for everything!
I realize that the Walmarts of the world can be hurtful to the mom and pop shops of the world, but sometimes, especially for lower-middle class families like ourselves, they're a lifesaver! Kae and I just went to the vision center for eye exams today. Where else can you do all we did for $197 with no vision insurance. We can't afford family vision insurance. It would cost far too much over a year's time. But, with our health insurance allowing a $35 copay for the exam we're pretty set for self/private pay. For this money I got Brian's new frames and lenses, Kaelin's exam as well as my exam and lenses. That's really a good price for this! And, of course, I work this into a medical savings plan to save even more.
Brian's frames were in the $9 sets, so VERY cheap. His lenses were the $38 lenses they advertise....no frills, just plastic lenses with no glare protection since he only uses them at night after his contacts are out. Kaelin only needed the exam, but since she has an astigmatism and one eye is worse than the other she will need glasses within the next 2 years. We were well aware of this. They told us this 2 years ago that by the time she was 9 she'd be in glasses. Looks like she's still on target. She's already picked out some too cute frames for herself. She looks gorgeous in them, so no worries on her part. I had some old frames, so I just had them put my new lenses in them. My lenses were $35 more than Brian's, but because mine are for reading and computer use I need the glare. My astigmatism causes my eyes to get more tired and she said having that glare protection will help when they get tired. I asked if I could just get reading glasses, but one eye is quite a bit different than the other. It looked like the paper said 20/25 in one and 20/50 in the other. I have to say for what we paid, he was VERY thorough and VERY good with our daughter. He had a lot of patience with her constant moving and distractions.
Lisa
Had to post the slogan. Chelsi loves to repeat it all the time. We are obviously there too often for everything!
I realize that the Walmarts of the world can be hurtful to the mom and pop shops of the world, but sometimes, especially for lower-middle class families like ourselves, they're a lifesaver! Kae and I just went to the vision center for eye exams today. Where else can you do all we did for $197 with no vision insurance. We can't afford family vision insurance. It would cost far too much over a year's time. But, with our health insurance allowing a $35 copay for the exam we're pretty set for self/private pay. For this money I got Brian's new frames and lenses, Kaelin's exam as well as my exam and lenses. That's really a good price for this! And, of course, I work this into a medical savings plan to save even more.
Brian's frames were in the $9 sets, so VERY cheap. His lenses were the $38 lenses they advertise....no frills, just plastic lenses with no glare protection since he only uses them at night after his contacts are out. Kaelin only needed the exam, but since she has an astigmatism and one eye is worse than the other she will need glasses within the next 2 years. We were well aware of this. They told us this 2 years ago that by the time she was 9 she'd be in glasses. Looks like she's still on target. She's already picked out some too cute frames for herself. She looks gorgeous in them, so no worries on her part. I had some old frames, so I just had them put my new lenses in them. My lenses were $35 more than Brian's, but because mine are for reading and computer use I need the glare. My astigmatism causes my eyes to get more tired and she said having that glare protection will help when they get tired. I asked if I could just get reading glasses, but one eye is quite a bit different than the other. It looked like the paper said 20/25 in one and 20/50 in the other. I have to say for what we paid, he was VERY thorough and VERY good with our daughter. He had a lot of patience with her constant moving and distractions.
Lisa
Friday, January 15, 2010
Parenting No No
I'm doing a big parenting no no. So I may be complaining in a few years when I can't get my son out of my bed. But, for now it's just fine.
Yes, I've been partial cosleeping for the past few days. It seems to be helping Jaemin sleep better. If he sleep with me the first little bit of the night and goes to bed later he doesn't get up at night. If he sleeps in his bed all night he gets up 2-3 times. So I think, right now, it makes more sense to just let him sleep in our bed.
I think he wakes a little if he's in his bed and is continually hunting for us. If he's in our bed he can find me right away. He lies on me a lot of nights. The only nights that are hard are when he has a cold and he snores like a freight train. Yikes he's loud for a 1 year old.
I figure he's the baby, so if the last one cosleeps it doesn't feel like a big deal. Of course, Brian is convinced he may not be the last. :) He says I've said that 4 other times. :) Well, what can I say. God has laughed at us a lot! But, love having these kiddos....even if there are a lot more than we planned.
Lisa
Yes, I've been partial cosleeping for the past few days. It seems to be helping Jaemin sleep better. If he sleep with me the first little bit of the night and goes to bed later he doesn't get up at night. If he sleeps in his bed all night he gets up 2-3 times. So I think, right now, it makes more sense to just let him sleep in our bed.
I think he wakes a little if he's in his bed and is continually hunting for us. If he's in our bed he can find me right away. He lies on me a lot of nights. The only nights that are hard are when he has a cold and he snores like a freight train. Yikes he's loud for a 1 year old.
I figure he's the baby, so if the last one cosleeps it doesn't feel like a big deal. Of course, Brian is convinced he may not be the last. :) He says I've said that 4 other times. :) Well, what can I say. God has laughed at us a lot! But, love having these kiddos....even if there are a lot more than we planned.
Lisa
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Social Security Card Name Change....check!
Finally. After poor Brian had to go there 3 times he finally got them to do it. Apparently, only one person in that office knows what actual documentation is required to change the name of an internationally adopted child on their social security card. Catch is, she doesn't work the window and those people don't have a clue!
So for anyone out there reading this. All you need is your adoption decree and your child's foreign passport with visa to show they're still a permanent resident status. If you have a US passport or Certificate of Citizenship for them you can show that and get their status changed to US Citizen, but we've just sent off the N600 with his green card today to get the Certificate of Citizenship and that takes time. What I found out is that if your child's visa has I551 on it, it also serves as proof of permanent resident status.
So on the 3rd trip there with the same exact documentation as the other 2 and one phone call from me they did it. They really need to train the folks sitting at the window in that office.
One more trip after we get his Certificate of Citizenship and we don't have to do this for our children again...because no, we're having no more children. :)
Sometimes, I really wonder how many hundreds of papers we've filled out for these 3 adoptions and how much time we've spent doing it and crossing our ts and dotting our is. It's massive, I know it.
Lisa
So for anyone out there reading this. All you need is your adoption decree and your child's foreign passport with visa to show they're still a permanent resident status. If you have a US passport or Certificate of Citizenship for them you can show that and get their status changed to US Citizen, but we've just sent off the N600 with his green card today to get the Certificate of Citizenship and that takes time. What I found out is that if your child's visa has I551 on it, it also serves as proof of permanent resident status.
So on the 3rd trip there with the same exact documentation as the other 2 and one phone call from me they did it. They really need to train the folks sitting at the window in that office.
One more trip after we get his Certificate of Citizenship and we don't have to do this for our children again...because no, we're having no more children. :)
Sometimes, I really wonder how many hundreds of papers we've filled out for these 3 adoptions and how much time we've spent doing it and crossing our ts and dotting our is. It's massive, I know it.
Lisa
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Jaemin's Well-Baby Visit
Since it always seems that if I'm posting on Jaemin's health it's always when he's sick. Unfortunately, he's had a rough time of it the last few months. But, yesterday we had a well-baby visit. He is 15 months and I had asked that they put off some of October's shots so he wouldn't be getting so many at once. So, he got 3 additional vaccines yesterday...ouch!
The doctor did ask if he finally got over everything from a couple of weeks ago and I was happy to report he had. The doctor felt so bad for my baby. After weight and measurements he asked how his eating habits have been. I told him that even when he's sick his appetite rarely decreases. Jaemin can really put away the food! He, by far, eats more than his 4 yo sister. They checked his growth curve and he's doing very well. He said with a little man who has had pneumonia 3 times in the last 4 months he was expecting him to fall off some, but he has maintained his curve very well. He said he's still hovering at or a little above 50th in height and 50-75 in weight. He said he expects him to be a stocky young man. I have to laugh. Chase used to be built the same way and has really thinned out. We shall see.
He's a happy healthy little man. He is, however, very tired of doctors. He hates being weighed because mom has to put him down. Then when they check his ears and anything else that requires them getting to close to him he freaks out a little bit. He's fine anywhere else in any other environment, but not the doctors office. They wig him a bit.
He's also been such a big boy that he's sleeping in a toddler bed. He's done really well, but last night was a bit rough. Don't know if the shots threw his little body off or what. He woke at his usual 11-12 or so. Just a quick back to bed as usual. But, then he woke at 2. I put him back down and he cried for me again. Right as I was getting ready to walk back in his room Brian walked in. He got him quieted down and went back to bed. By 2:30 am, I could hear little man pitter pattering down the hall talking and babbling away to himself. Happy as can be in the middle of the night! He comes tootling into my room and stands beside my side of the bed and starts grunting as he pretends to pull himself up. So I pull him into bed since he usually goes right to sleep in my bed. Nope! He proceeded to talk and babble away again. Finally, I realized he was not going to go back to sleep, so I brought him back to his bed. He laid down just fine. But, by 4:30 am he was back in my room babbling away. I showed him that everyone else was in their rooms sleeping and he finally went to sleep. Come 7 am when it was time to go to daycare so mommy could go to work he was in a good sleep. Imagine that!
I've never gotten as many sleepless nights with all 4 older kids combined as I have with my little man. But, I will happily take them to have the joy of him in my life!
Lisa
The doctor did ask if he finally got over everything from a couple of weeks ago and I was happy to report he had. The doctor felt so bad for my baby. After weight and measurements he asked how his eating habits have been. I told him that even when he's sick his appetite rarely decreases. Jaemin can really put away the food! He, by far, eats more than his 4 yo sister. They checked his growth curve and he's doing very well. He said with a little man who has had pneumonia 3 times in the last 4 months he was expecting him to fall off some, but he has maintained his curve very well. He said he's still hovering at or a little above 50th in height and 50-75 in weight. He said he expects him to be a stocky young man. I have to laugh. Chase used to be built the same way and has really thinned out. We shall see.
He's a happy healthy little man. He is, however, very tired of doctors. He hates being weighed because mom has to put him down. Then when they check his ears and anything else that requires them getting to close to him he freaks out a little bit. He's fine anywhere else in any other environment, but not the doctors office. They wig him a bit.
He's also been such a big boy that he's sleeping in a toddler bed. He's done really well, but last night was a bit rough. Don't know if the shots threw his little body off or what. He woke at his usual 11-12 or so. Just a quick back to bed as usual. But, then he woke at 2. I put him back down and he cried for me again. Right as I was getting ready to walk back in his room Brian walked in. He got him quieted down and went back to bed. By 2:30 am, I could hear little man pitter pattering down the hall talking and babbling away to himself. Happy as can be in the middle of the night! He comes tootling into my room and stands beside my side of the bed and starts grunting as he pretends to pull himself up. So I pull him into bed since he usually goes right to sleep in my bed. Nope! He proceeded to talk and babble away again. Finally, I realized he was not going to go back to sleep, so I brought him back to his bed. He laid down just fine. But, by 4:30 am he was back in my room babbling away. I showed him that everyone else was in their rooms sleeping and he finally went to sleep. Come 7 am when it was time to go to daycare so mommy could go to work he was in a good sleep. Imagine that!
I've never gotten as many sleepless nights with all 4 older kids combined as I have with my little man. But, I will happily take them to have the joy of him in my life!
Lisa
Prayers for Haiti
Please pray for all those in Haiti now. It doesn't sound good after their earthquake and they may be expecting a tsunami, which will just amplify the devastation. It's terrible that a hospital collapsed. A friend of ours adopted their son from Haiti and I just cringe thinking of why may have happened to his birth family in this.
Lisa
Lisa
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