Adoption Article

I found this interesting.  It's a daughter, by both adoption and birth, meeting some of her Korean birth family and having her two mothers together.

http://www.koreanamericanstory.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=227:pain-regret-forgiveness&catid=50:heart-and-seoul&Itemid=96

My little water bug - so cute ^-^

What can I say?  He is definitely my boy!  He loves the water and could swim all day.  He is really enjoying his first year of swimming lessons.

I wish I could be a pushover

Not that I couldn't, just that I know it's not right.  I mean those parents that don't stand firm....they have it easy.  Easy because partly they probably don't care enough to stand firm.  They don't care about the possible outcomes.  Tonight was yet another test.

Cole did well on his algebra state exams, but did not do well on many assignments through the year or his semester 2 final.  I talked to his teacher to find out what I could do or what he was struggling with and she thought his ADHD was affecting him and she said they had an 8 day course this summer that he could attend to get a better grip before starting Chemistry College Prep this fall.  Since the deal was no letter jackets without decent grades (Bs and above) I told him he either took the course and put out effort or he buys at least 1/2 the letter jacket.  If he doesn't get one his sophomore year it's pretty pointless.  Not much time to wear a $300 jacket after that.

He's in the 3rd day of the bootcamp and it's 4 hours everyday.  That is a lot of algebra.....I know.  Tonight he told me how boring it was and asked if he could please stop.  I told him no that I would never have expected a D for the semester and he started so I need to see progress and effort.  I finally told him that I would 'think' about allowing him to stop if he asked his teacher to explain what all he did wrong on his exam and reteach him how to do it.   Then he has to ask if there are online problems he can do (since that's pretty much what they're doing) similar to where he struggled this year.  I told him that after she confirmed he was getting it I would consider it.  You have to remember that tomorrow is the last day this week and next week is another four days, so I'm not expecting him to miss much.  Could be wrong, but we'll see.  For now, I'm standing firm.  I want him to take responsibility to get back what he lost.  We'll see what he does with it.  I hope I'm not disappointed.

Hmmmm

He's scared of the dark.  The boy who is so hard to understand most times was able to tell me that he's scared of his closet and the dark.  He's been spending a lot more time in my bed again.  Sometimes he's fine and sometimes he's not.  Tonight I'm going to try putting another nightlight in that's even brighter.  Hoping he'll stay put.  On the bright side he does fall asleep really fast and then I can just move him back to his bed and 99% of the time he stays there.

He was upset about staying in his bed last night.  I walked by to go to bed and he saw me.  It's always over when he sees me.  I tried to ignore him and stayed in the bathroom to pluck my eyebrows.  Then, I heard the banging on the wall.  He took his puppy which has a plastic end on it and was hitting the wall.  Then, he started to get quiet.  I think it was finally starting to tire him.  But, by then Brian was in there and it set him off again.  uuuhhhh.  So I went in to pick him up and I told him that he can't scream and throw a fit like that.  He said "I sowy".  I asked him what he was sorry for and he says "hitting you wall".  I know it's not really funny, but he's so sweet when he says it and he's finally starting to get the language to say what he needs to get out which eventually will trim the tantrums some.  So, we just bear with it until it comes, but it IS coming along.  He just snuggles up beside me in bed and off he goes every time.  Can't complain about that.

And last night Jaemin did GREAT at the dentist.  The boy with sensory issues opened his mouth wide, let them clean his teeth and look around and sat in the chair all by himself.  He is such a big boy and he is definitely changing.  He seems to be catching up in a little bit bigger strides now even though in some ways he's a little more reliant on me.  It's give and take and I'll take this.

Got nothin' done

I don't feel like I made any progress at work.  I mean, sure I got some things done, but my intense reports I was working on I was never in long enough to concentrate and make any headway on.  I took the boys with me to work since Cole had to go to the Dr at 10:50 and then they both had orthodontist appointments at 1:45.  I wasn't about to spend 3 hours of my day driving them back and forth and the other 1/2 day at appointments.  That made no sense.  So they came to work and went to the pet store nearby, ran an errand at the bank for me and I sent them for some ice cream after lunch.  They were only in my cubicle for about an hour total.  Chase got a stronger wire on his brackets and it now spans all the way to the back, though the brackets do not.  He doesn't need that.  It's amazing how much his teeth have moved since January 3rd, when he got them on.  His cross-bite is almost gone and his teeth that were ectopic have really moved down.  It looks really great!  Cole got brackets on almost every tooth on the bottom.  He had to go to one tooth past the cross-bite.  He'll probably get the top brackets next month.  And he managed to already knock the bumps off at wrestling camp tonight....one of them anyways.  I told him to use the mouth guard he gave us, but Cole assured me they were just drilling and not live wrestling.   Yeah right.  Last time I buy that one.  Looks like we'll be heading back to the ortho this week to get a bump back on.  Thank goodness that only takes the Dr. minutes to do.

Here's Chase's improvements (and neither of these are full treatments, but enough to treat the real problems-the cross-bites for both boys).

 And here's Cole's first picture.

This was Cole driving his car....he's so proud to have it.

Awards for the Girls

Only the elementary school does awards (the older boys can only get state test awards).  It was sort of chaotic, to say the least.  And it's still kinda, well, dumb, but they got awards.  I'm not saying the awards they give our are dumb, just that they give these great door prizes that only the kids who don't get academic awards can get.  So, yeah, they incentives for not trying as hard.  Kaelin got the Presidential Fitness award as usual.  I told her to strive for top sit ups or fastest mile next year.  She can do that.  She's very strong and athletic.  Chelsi got a Music award and Reading award.  That's a whole other topic I won't go into.  I know my child is tops and that's all that's important.  Chelsi was the only one of the girls I could catch out on the floor that morning, so I took their pictures with their awards tonight.  She's admiring her first, of many, medals.

Fun for all

We had 3 things going on in one day, so we just had Chase decide what he wanted to do since it was ON his birthday.  The family thing, we didn't realize was today until after the first two things came up and Chase had already decided we'd go to the adoption picnic.  This is a place we can go where none of our families are stared at or talked about.  This is a time when we can be with families that look like us.  There were only a few families there, but it was still great food and great company.  The boys did some fishing and Jaemin finally got to use his fishing pole for the first time and fish.  He really did enjoy it, but doesn't quite have the patience for it...yet.  I think he actually could though.  The boys weren't really catching much, but did some frog hunting for fun.  I brought a birthday cake so we could go ahead and celebrate there.  It was fun and Jaemin was pretty well behaved.  I think they all had fun and Chase caught himself a nice bullfrog.

Making a list...

Along with a list of things we want to buy in Korea, a list of things to bring to Korea and a list of things we should try to, slowly, buy over the next year to bring to Korea.  For now, most of that list is coming down to things to make the trip pleasurable for Jaemin and, in turn, for all of us.  I've been perusing other blogs and educational sites reading about inexpensive, non-noisemaking ideas for activities for kids on planes.  But, I'm mostly interested in sensory activities.  This is hard because he seems sensory seeking and most of those activities are ones where he would need to be up and around.  This is tough...can't do that on a plane.

I'm going to make a big ziplock bag of crafty things that I don't care about like those fuzz ball things, yarn and beads.  I'm planning to bring floam in a taped ziplock for a fidget toys, maybe a stress ball or two.....found some at the $1 store, but if I can get some free, I'm going to start watching for them.  I also saw these great I Spy lap bags that people are making on Etsy.  I can't afford $20 + shipping, so when I googled how to make one myself I came across a lady who took a pencil case and made one.  So, I'm thinking I'll make 3.  I can stitch them together, then 1 lays across his lap and the other two would weigh that one down on either side.  I could fill each one with different types of items for him to find making it a weighted lap bag, fidget toy and game all in one.  In my head this makes sense, but we'll see.  First I have to find tiny little toys and items to put inside with the rice and beads.

I put sugarless gummies on my list for this week.  Cole says they're nasty, but Jaemin will eat just about anything.  Supposedly, chewing something like gum (which just isn't possible for Jaemin) is good for a sensory 'work out'.  I'm trying to keep the sugar level for Jaemin down as there seems to be a pretty direct correlation to some of his stimming and this.  While Jaemin's been in bed for an hour now he is calmer tonight.  We're implementing a no tv, no iPod 1 hour before bedtime.  It stimulates him much too much.  We're making it part of his Korea social story so that, hopefully, when we fly we can say 'one hour before Jaemin sleeps Jaemin can't play iPod or watch tv'.

If the flight doesn't go well next year I wish the other passengers could know just how hard we tried to prepare.  Our trip to TX is our little trial run. Yikes!

Our new additions

Last week I posted the kids waiting for a new addition.  There were 4 kittens born to Cuddles in several hours.  When we went to bed there were only two kittens and by morning there were 4.  We ended up with 3 calicos (one was tortoiseshell) and 1 white kitten with brown spots just like momma.

Unfortunately, one of the beagle pups got out of his kennel while we were at work and got our tortoiseshell kitten.  We were going to keep that one for Chelsi, so we're a little bummed and now the pups have to be closely supervised while out or they can't come out.  Needless to say for the rest of that day he got sent to his room.  Chelsi picked out the kitten that looks just like Cuddles, so that's the one she'll get.  And the other two calico females, we'll have to find homes for and then get Cuddles fixed this summer so there will be no more kittens.  They are pretty cute and starting to move around a lot more now and their bellies ARE fat!  Momma takes good care of them and if you hold one and it cries she comes running and gives you a dirty look until you put it back in the house.  They still haven't opened their eyes, but should soon.

Just a couple days old....you should see them now.

He said it, I didn't

I had Cole drive Chelsi and I to gymnastics tonight so he could get some night driving time in. Chase decided to tag along too. It was very boring for them, but oh well.

We were watching Chelsi with her instructor and I made a comment that she could do it, if she could just keep her legs straight. Seriously, it would look pretty good then, a cartwheel and roundoff that is. So Cole says they're not that hard. I said 'oh, so you can do one'. He says 'it doesn't take a genius'. I said 'well, Chelsi can't seem to do it'. Then, I caught myself and said 'oh, that's why you can do it and she can't....a genius can't do it'. Cole just laughed. I said 'you said it, not me'. He said, 'I know'. :) It was pretty funny. Maybe you just had to be there.

3rd Graders have WAY too much energy

I went on my daughter's 3rd grade field trip to the science center. I only had her and another girl, so it wasn't too bad. Luckily there were a lot of parents that tagged along. Kaelin definitely had a good time hanging out with her friends and since she never asks me to go on field trips and I invited myself I asked her if I embarrassed her at all and she said no. YAY!

I'm not crazy

Luckily, this person had already confirmed this for me, but she really makes me feel so much better.  Just to back up a little, after two visits to a pediatric developmental specialist and her team of OTs and STs, Jaemin was determined not to be autistic (no surprise) and eventually she also said he was not sensory integration disorder either.  Funny after just a 20 minute visit with him and her mouth running while I was trying to explain his symptoms.  Her trying to compare him to her 3 year old and me trying to voice my concern as a very experienced mother that something was NOT quite right.  I explained his constant flapping and need for movement.  I explained how he would never allow footy pajamas or blankets on him.  I explained how out of sorts he got in certain social surroundings and how he does not play like typical 3 year olds.  He doesn't play with toys, or rarely.

After that visit I was completely beat to the ground...the last visit with her and the clinic in October.  But, I decided to move forward with getting him evaluated at school since he was then 3 and could possible qualify by the school's standards....for something.....anything.   Anything to help him move forward and be emotionally and socially developed.  After 2 months of forms, tests, questionnaires and observations by OT and ST he was found to have dramatic speech delay in all areas.  She said it was hard to qualify for speech at 3, but because he was having an issue in every area of speech he qualified.  YAY!  He was found to have sensory integration disorder by our local special learning center's evaluation, but you cannot qualify for OT on just that.  You have to have fine and gross motor delays.  He has some fine, but definitely not gross and definitely not enough to qualify for OT.  But, in the area of sensory they had concerns in 9 out of 15 areas.  That's a LOT!

Because of that and the OT's personal observation of Jaemin she offered to still help us.  We can't come in for therapy, but she used to work for the special learning center and was willing to give us ideas.  She gave me a brush and taught me how to do brushing therapy.  She told us to try compressions and wheel barrel walks.  The wheel barrel walks didn't go over well because he couldn't support himself, so we taught him to do push ups.  Turns out that was the right thing to do. 

Fast forward 4 months and I felt down again.  His flapping is getting worse, so I called to ask her for more info.  I told her how he suddenly wants blankets on him.  She said that actually means his senses are changing and possibly calming down and what we're doing IS working.  She said the reason he is probably flapping more at home is because he rarely does it at both grandma's houses during the day.  She said he's managing to control it all day and when he gets home he feels safe and it becomes an outlet.  So he's totaling dumping the day's stimuli.  She was nice enough to offer a weighted blanket to try so we don't have to buy without knowing if it will work, but I declined for now since his multilevel blankets seem to be helping.  She said it can't be more than 10% of his body weight.

She gave me a whole list of exercises we can do with him through the day and both grandmas can do as well.  Using a different one each day will make them not feel like punishment which is where we've kind of landed with minimal ideas in the beginning.  I'm anxious to start trying all of them and seeing some progress.  I'm happy to find out we've actually made progress.

I told her I was worried about him getting overloaded on the plane to Korea and having no physical outlet.  She told me to start using a social story now, explaining Korea and what he can do on a plane versus can't do.  She said it may tame some of his behaviors down.  We're also going to try a lap weight and make a shoulder weight for him.  Try that at home and hopefully, then, it will work on the plane.  May have to try it on vacation and if it works on the drive then hopefully, it will also work on the plane.  She's going to send me links and other ideas for the plane if she thinks of them.  As you can tell I'm pretty much planning on us going to Korea.  Even if we don't get it through Make a Wish, we will have to find a way to pay for it.  I think it will be very good and therapeutic for all of us.

The OT also told me there's a chance he will outgrow enough by the time he goes to school in 2 1/2 years to integrate fine.  If he doesn't they know by the time he's 5 and he'll qualify for and IEP for OT through the school and then he'll get extra help in school.  She assured me that if he still has problems and flaps or anything like that to deal with it, in school, he will not be sent to the office or punished and we will work together to help him.  That relieved a lot of fears for me.

So, now that I have my arsenal list of things to do with him, I have one for daycare too, I feel armed and ready to take on sensory disorder.  Now, I just need to quit worrying about what others think.  I know when he throws one of his over stimulated tantrums people either think we're bad parents or he's a bad kid and I know it's neither and they don't know he really does have disorder that he can't control and I need to ignore it all and just love him.

Real Life Vs. What You Think

Real life is hard.  Add parenting and it's that much harder.  Not just being a parent, but worrying.  Worrying because you love them so much.  Driving with Cole has been an eye opener of sorts.  My life flashing before my eyes at times.  Not because he's so horrible, but yes he's new and he's not great yet, but mostly because I realize the power my 15 year old now has and will have even more in a year when he has the power of a V6 engine in his hands.  You realize that mistakes are going to happen.  Accidents could happen.  And as many hard things we've been through in our marriage there is probably more to come.

I'm thinking about Cole's surgery more.  When it is.  How will it go.  I think now that we're on the top end of the 2 year prediction Dr. R gave us, almost 2 years ago, I admit I'm getting a little nervous.  I'm trying not to, but sometimes I just do.

Jaemin is quirky.  He's a little odd sometimes.  His sensory issues get the best of him and us sometimes.  Parents that don't have a child with sensory don't understand because it's so hard to get it.  They seem so normal, but then so not.  And it's easy to think the kid is just out of hand, when they're not.  Their senses are out of hand.

It's, at times, hard to see other families with seemingly normal kids who have encountered nothing in their lives.  Sometimes, I, honestly, do get a tad jealous.  I'm human.  But, I try to remember that I do not know what's in store for them or me.  Only God knows this.  And God has brought us through so much and I need to always remember to leave my life in His hands and His hands only.  I need to continue to trust him with my life.  I need to not worry about not saving as much as my spreadsheet says.  I need to not worry about when we will go to Korea.  I need to not worry about the small stuff so much.  But, real life, for me, makes that hard sometimes.  But still I promise to try.  I know we will have what we need.  I know that we will go to Korea when God plans it for us.  I know that as long as we follow God's prompts we will get the rewards he has planned for all of us.  We have to try hard.  Be good people and love each other.  I'm remembering this.

For this reason I am trying to put all my insane worries and scary ideas back away.  Way back in my brain where they can't find their way out.  Where I can't be scared all the time.  I'm going to enjoy every second of my kids and try to remember they're just kids making mistakes in life and I need to be there to catch them, but not fix it for them.  I absolutely love all 5 of them dearly.  Each one has so much to bring to the table to make them special in a different way.  Not one of my 5 are alike in anyway.  But watching them grow up beats all the money in the world.  Watching them grow up beats anything.  This is the greatest privilege life has to offer and this is all I will pray God to allow for me.  Because it is all I need in happiness.

Loosened the belt

for a moment.  I totally thought we were a few hundred behind and would have to use Brian's extra check next month to make up for it (he gets paid every two weeks so we don't budget on those two extra checks).  But, I was balancing my bank statement from last month (teach me to be late) with my book and realized I had written in daycare twice!  YAY!  That was just enough to cover it with $28 left over for the month.

What did I do?  Turned around and spent more.  I still say money well spent though, when it comes to safety for my kids.  You know when we were growing up parents didn't have to worry about all the things that driving kids can be distracted by nowadays.  I absolutely love my bluetooth in my car and kinda wanted it for Cole.  Had no idea you could get it on an older car 'til today.  He wanted a new radio since his car's radio has some problems and was planning on getting like an $80 radio.  Nothing extravagant, but his money anyways.  I got to thinking that maybe we could get him to buy a radio with bluetooth so he wouldn't have to reach for and find his phone when he's driving.  I found a good deal on one for $130 and then found a place that could install it reasonably.  Since Cole would probably have to have it installed anyways he upped his allowable, gave me $100 and we're paying for the rest for him.

I will feel so much better having that.  Not that he has some great cell phone and uses it all the time or anything, but kids will answer a phone if it rings and this way he can be safe doing it.  I did tell him that I'll yank it back out if I ever find out he bypassed it or it unsynced and he answered the phone anyways.  Just pullover and resync please.  Mine does that, is the only reason I brought it up.

So far he seems like a pretty careful driver...almost scared.  Which a little fear is sometimes a good thing.  Good thing the boy's been working on a local farm so he could afford his new radio.  He'll be all set up in the next month or so.

Crazy Little Boy

Someone wet their pants tonight, so no iPod games or tv tonight.  Needless to say it was a better night.  Sometimes I'm so unsure if Jaemin will outgrow the quirks and idiosyncrasies, but tonight it was like there was a little piece of hope to say he could.  I think it's going to take work on our part to keep him away from the things that overdose him on stimuli.  I got great support from some adoptive parents on what they do with their sensory kids, so next time there's a major meltdown or family gathering with too many faces and activity for Jaemin I'm going to try it out.  He's sucha  great little boy and I love him so much.  I want the entire world for him.

Jaemin's always a little on the wild side, but tonight he actually played like other kids sometimes do.  He made things up and played with trains with the girls.  So I decided it's video time which Jaemin totally loves!  Pictures, videos, attention....that's Jaemin.

My cutie

God and Angels are With Us

My little Jaemin. He's a wild one, but he could have really been seriously hurt today.  He was at mom's and I guess something on their little deck-like thing was broke or loose and it gave way when he leaned on it.  This thing is pretty high...over our heads, so about 7 feet in the air.  He fell all the way down and only had a small burn on his arm.  I cannot believer how incredibly lucky we were to not have him really hurt.  He could have broken something.  I immediately think at least legs, arms or worse yet his neck.  He could have fallen on his head and had a head injury.  My heart skipped a beat when Brian called to tell me.  That's the second big scare, after his seizure last March, and I don't like his scares.   They're tooooo much for me.  Angels and God were with us today protecting my baby from harm.  I don't know how because there's no explanation for how safe he came out of that, but he did and I'm THANKFUL!

With 3 boys in the house, the inevitable has happened

we got a call with a girl on the other end asking for a boy.  We are unlisted and don't even list with the school, for personal reasons, so we figured it would take a while.  But, it turned out it was just a neighbor girl who wanted Cole to meet some of her friends.  They're a year behind him.  Him being, well, him he jumped his rip stik and went down the road.  They said hi, he said hi and went on his merry way.  He says they weren't very pretty, but I have some doubts since I'm sure he's not going to tell us he thinks they're cute.  I guess when he and Chase go down there to see her little brother he talks to big sister occasionally anyways, so they've gotten to know each other a little.

It's good for him to have some girl communication and I guess this is an easy way to ease mom and dad into it.  :0)

Another apron thread fringing loose

Just another moment in motherhood where you can feel your apron strings loosening up.  It's not always voluntarily, but definitely necessary so you can have a well-rounded, responsible child.

We have licensed and insured Cole's car and he got his permit.  It's a little scary putting so much power and responsibility in the hands of a 15 year old, but necessary in rural areas where there's no public transit.  He has to have a car.  If he doesn't have a beater car to drive then they fully insure him on one of ours and that's EXPENSIVE.  He has to be able to work after he turns 16, so this is a necessary part of life.

I'm trying hard not to worry too much about what may come, but still it's a little bit of a scary part of a mom's life.  I hope it gets easier with each one.

The Jury's Still Out

Well, I had my CTs.  My lungs revealed no embolisms.....great!  I had a 5mm nodule in one of my lobs, but they said they are generally benign, so we're letting that go.  I vaguely remember that showing up years ago on an xray, but I could be wrong.  My sinus CT revealed an 8mm fluid filled cyst.  The doctor said that is likely the culprit.  It's not blocking so much as it's filling up (snot) and constantly draining.  My problem is that rarely does anything drain out my nose, but down my throat and into my airways.  He said this nonstop irritation is causing inflammation to my lungs and causing me to cough a lot and not be able to breath.  He said he really only saw one more choice for me.  He said it works for some people like me and if it doesn't I'm done trying because he said there's really nothing more to be done.

So, I agreed to his idea of steroids again.  He said the medrol dose pack is not the same thing as taking a months steroids (lighter).  He says if he puts me on 20mg daily and cuts them by 5mg/week for a month it should cause the inflammation to decrease and then I have to stay on some sort of allergy meds daily to keep it under control.  He thinks if we can get cyst to stop filling and reduce all the swelling I should be able to breath.  I took my first steroid dose last night and had not one problem breathing last night, but my cough is back this evening.  I'll do what he said though, so we can exhaust everything.  He said if this doesn't work the only other choice is live with the feeling of suffocation (I'm not exaggerating) or taking steroids every day from now on; at the smallest dosage he can find to help me.

Hoping this works so I don't have to be on it forever!  There's no diagnosis....just bad genes.  :)