The littles

Kae was being good (and quiet for once) downstairs, even after the littles woke from their nap.  The big boys were playing in the snow.  So J and Chelsi played with me.

Uh, no, you can't go out.



Girls play with trucks too.



This is what Chels thinks is the peace sign.  :)



Jae and Chels' cute little faces.

They're always throwing something new at me

....my kids that is.

I was home with the 3 older ones Monday.  I heard fighting in the rec room, so when I went to find out what was going on Cole tells me that Kaelin is arguing with him that the rules didn't apply to her because I didn't say so that day.  Where's the eye rolling emoticon when you need it?  I have told her at least twice in the past month that whether or not we remind her every day of the rules they indeed apply, every day!  I don't know why she tried that one....again.

Then, this morning I was trying to get my stuff together and J got ahold of my cell phone.  I saw him press a button, but he managed to get to my phonebook in it.  He called our friend Jay, but I hit end before he picked up.  I took away the phone and finished getting my lunch together when I saw him get into it again, but this time he dialed 911!  I hit end pretty quickly, but he's really strong and managed to get it out of my hand before I hit it too quickly.  Within seconds they called us back to find out what our emergency was.  Oh my!

I apologized for the 1 year old call and she said it happens often and asked for my name for the report.  About 20 minutes after we left the house Jay called to see what I needed.  Had Chase explain to him (since I was driving) that Jae had called him.

Learning Korean withJaemin

Jaemin decided to play with mommy's Korean translation stickers for her keyboard.    We even got the J right on the nose.

Lunar New Year 2010 with Friends

It's not quite the New Year weekend yet, but since it falls on Valentine's Day we chose to have our get together a little early.  As usual, we had great company and loved seeing how much all the kids have grown since last time we saw them.  Cale has grown so much since October.

Here are the kids eating away and then we always take a group pic.

And now he looks like a big boy

I gave J his first haircut just after his 1st birthday so he would still look like my baby on his birthday.  I barely cut at him the 1st time because a) I didn't want to see those sweet curls go and b) I didn't want him to look like too old of a boy yet.  His hair was growing over his ears again, so I decided it was time for him to look like a big boy.  It's such a darn cut look for him, but I can't believe how old he looks now.

Fun at night

Sorry, not more creative than that tonight.  We got, yet another snowfall, so the boys begged us to let them go out after supper to play.  I told them it was too dangerous to sled ride on the hill, but they could build a snowman.  So they went out into the dark and shoveled for a bit and then proceeded to build a snowman.  The snow is a nice, wet, sticky snow so they were really able to make the balls pretty big.  Problem is they couldn't life them on top of one another, so they kind of lost half the snowman's body.   He's still pretty good size, considering.

Our Future

I worry about that so much.  It's normal, as a parent, to worry about the future for the sake of your kids, but I wonder if my worries are typical worries.

At this point, a lot of my worries stem from the state of the economy.  While, I know what is to blame, I wonder if the government has learned anything.  They always seem so business as usual....spend, spend, spend.  They both spend like water on such frivolous things and then take away some needed things.  I'm just so tired of state and federal governements at this point.  They all seem so tainted.  The employees who make the most keep the most and are the most untouched and top heavy.  We continue to support people who can take care of themselves, but don't want to.  Our governments continue to spend  as though the money is someone else's....oh wait it is. .......ours!  I pray that these people in charge of our tax dollars are better at managing their own household money.

Do I think it's an easy chore?  No.  But, if we ran into problems in our household we would have to sell everything or quit spending to take care of it.  We wouldn't just get to keep spending like nothing has changed.  I don't get why they can't treat every dollar they spend as if it's their own hard earned dollar.  I'm so disenchanted and bugged by our government bodies.  Do we ever need change!  And, no I don't mean we need to get a Republican president because Obama's doing such a poor job.  I don't care what party's in charge, it's all those dang people not getting along that are ruining this nation.  They spend more time arguing than sitting down together trying to come up with something great.  If they do come up with something they cram it through in one piece instead of staging things and thinking things through.

I'm done.  I just pray our children and grandchildren don't have to clean up the mess we're probably leaving for them because we can't control ourselves any better than they can.  LEAD BY EXAMPLE!

Lisa

How did he know?

He was exactly what I needed tonight.  I have been feeling kind of bad about the kind of mom I have been.  I think a lot of working moms go through this from time-to-time.  If you, personally, have never then count yourself lucky.  I've struggled with doing both since I became a mother 13 years ago.  I wish there didn't have to be them or job.  I wish it could be easier for working mothers.  I have it better than some, but I could so spend more time with my babies and would be thrilled.

All day I kept replaying in my mind what I could do to make Jaemin want to sit with me more and hug me more.  I think after one bad night where he's just a busy boy I have trouble letting go and realizing it may have just been one night.  Tonight we were sitting on the floor and he let me hold him more and he gave me nice soft hugs around my neck.  He has also become a HUGE daddy's boy which is great, but leaves mommy a little jealous.

When it got close to bedtime I brought his paci and puppy out, turned off the lights and sat on the couch with him and cradled his sweetness.  He talked to me in that soft, quiet voice for a minute or two and quickly fell asleep.  I had to just hold him a little while longer.  Brian wanted me to put him to bed, but I just couldn't let go of the very thing I'd been needing all day long and maybe more.

How does a little boy know exactly what their mother might need?  I could just sit there and stroke his hair and cradle him all night long.  How blessed I am to be his mother and thank you my little many for giving your mom exactly what she needed tonight.....YOU!

Lisa

We're thankful for the food we eat

It was Chase's turn to dry dishes tonight.  I like when they clear the table or dry dishes.  It gives me one on one time to chat and they're fairly willing since there's no one else in there with us.

Tonight I asked Chase if he felt lucky that we made all kinds of food to eat such as; Chinese, Mexican, Korean, Italian, American...anything that's yummy?  He said well we used to not.  Okay, not totally true because we've always cooked it all except Korean.  I had really never heard of a Korean recipe before the 3 youngest kids.  So, he tells me how glad he is that we adopted because they brought Korean food to the table.  Funny and sweet all at the same time.  Mom learned how to cook Korean because of you three and we all LOVE it!  Mom has developed a craving for Korean as much as Chinese....possibly a little more.  Never thought that would happen.

Lisa

Fun in the Sun

I didn't say warm sun, but there was sun.  We had to take Jaemin out for his first time in the snow.  It's snowed already this season, but he's always been sick or something else has prevented us from taking him out to try out the snow.  Today, we did.  He even tried sled riding.  He liked it, okay, but was content just throwing the snow around.  He also made his first snow angel....well, mommy helped him.

Here's making the snow angel.



And here's the finished product...can you see it?



Chelsi was still napping and we just stayed out for a little bit, so both girls stayed inside.

Little Country Girl

All in all, she actually likes just about any kind of music.  Chelsi seems to have the most favorites within country songs.  At daycare she watches/listens to CMT and has most songs mostly memorized.  Of course, Taylor Swift is her absolute favorite.  She screams if she hears her sing.  But, she likes the 'Dancin' song and 'Bone' song as she calls them.  Here she is watching CMT at home.  She loves to mimic the dance moves on the 'Dancin' song and she thinks it's hillarious to do the hand motions Trace and Blake do on the 'Bone' song.

How's the acid reflux you ask?

Getting better, I believe.  He hasn't signed 'more' for over a week.  He's content when he realizes he's done eating instead of constantly wanting more whether he's full or not.  He doesn't need food to feel better.  The only problem we've had is that he hates the meds.  It has a strong peppermint flavor and I mean STRONG.  So, we got the pharmacy to flavor it the best they could.  It's still a little overpowering, but better.  However, he still doesn't care much for it.  So, tonight we only gave him a little juice with dinner, infused with his meds.  He took it just fine, thank goodness.

So hopefully, soon we'll have him sleeping through the night too, 'cause after almost 1 year of not sleeping well, this momma could use some rest.

Lisa

Can I replicate evenings like this?

Some nights are just so, relatively, smooth that I just want to replicate them.  The kids listened as I gave one of my speeches about school and studying and homework.  There were no excuses or arguing.  Everyone ate dinner well.  Not even a fight from Jaemin.  Such a calm evening.  If only it were like this all the time.  :)
Lisa

Our visitor is no longer with us

He found his cheese this morning.

Lisa

There's a new mouse in the house

It's not Chelsi or chwi (mouse in Korean).  It's a real, live mouse.  It's bound to happen when you live in the country...heck, I'm pretty sure if you have grass with some trees, it's bound to happen eventually.  But, I guess the boys left the basement door left open one too many times and one got in.  Brian saw it run across the basement floor tonight, so the kids and I were trying to catch it.  We failed....miserably!  It ended up under the entertainment center by the end of the night and we couldn't get it back out.  So there are several traps under there just waiting.   We'll try to get this little mouse out of our house.  We only have room for one mouse here.

Lisa

How do they process trauma?

It's impossible to know how little kids process trauma.  We don't even understand how we, as adults, process trauma sometimes.  I mean we're all different.  I really never expected this to affect Chelsi so much, but now I know it did.

Chelsi was 2 1/2 when Brian had his accident.  That was the last time I cut her fingernails.  She has chewed them every since.  I thought that may that's what she did out of being nervous and she just couldn't stop and the accident really never bothered her anymore, but I think it does.  More than she can explain.  The other morning at grandma's she announced that "daddy broke his neck the last time he played basketball".  How do you take this?  Is she associating sport with accidents?  I don't think so.  I guess you really just never know.  I do know that we're all still really dealing with the repercussions.  Especially, the two of us.  There is very seldom a day that goes by that something doesn't remind you that it happened.

While we're happy Brian could walk again, it's very apparent to us how much our lives have forever changed.  He and we will never be the same.  Part of it is good and part of it is just okay.  Part of it we're still just adjusting to, even 2 years later.  Trauma is not something you just go on and say 'oh well'.  It's a process.  A process to get through, not over.

Lisa

Finally found a way to get them closer.

I moved the living room furniture around a bit last night and the big part of the sectional is now off by itself with the chaise end.  They ALL want to be there.  Before this they'd all fight because the next person was just TOO close.  Now they don't seem to mind.  Go figure.  I thought no one would sit there.

Public Restrooms with Kids in Tow

I always just assumed it was bad manners to use a handicapped restroom stall, even when I had kids with me.  So, I always squeeze myself and them into the stall and try to help them out.  It's always very difficult.  Today, we made our 2nd trip back to Walmart.  Yes, second trip.  I needed to grocery shop and Brian's glasses were ready.  I had called yesterday to make sure there was no possibility of mine being ready this weekend and they assured me there wasn't.  So, Jaemin, Chelsi and I ventured to Walmart this morning.

This afternoon, I got a call that my glasses were ready.  Since I'm tired of struggling to read any small print or my computer screen I decided to go ahead and make a trip back in.  Brian and the other kids had to go to church and the littles and I have to go tomorrow for Sunday school, so I took Jaemin and Chelsi back in with me for my glasses.  Usually, if I have both of them I bring my Ergo carrier.  I can then get Chelsi in the cart and carry Jaemin with no problems shopping.  I wasn't going to do anything but grab my glasses and run, so I brought nothing.  We ran in through the pouring rain and right as we get to the Vision Center Chelsi finally tells me she needs to pee.  So we ran back to the restrooms and all I could think was how am I going to do this without putting Jaemin down.  I'm a germaphobe big time and it nasties me out to think he may fall on that floor and touch it.

We walked in and I saw the handicap stall door open.  Inside was this little seat attached to the wall with a harness for little ones to sit on.  No way!  So I strapped Jaemin on and helped Chelsi get the seat cover down and helped her on.  Then when we walked out there was a short little sink perfectly her height.  It made it SO much easier.  I now know it's okay to use this stall if you are in a similar situation and there are no handicapped people needing to use it.  There's no way we could have all fit in a regular one anyways.

Lisa

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Lisa

Need a little 'Chicken Fry'?

I've mentioned before that this is one of Chelsi's favorite songs.  Here's her homemade video.  :)

Add to Difference Post

So, I was thinking about my post regarding parenting differences.  I also meant to touch on, but forgot just parenting the adopted child differently than past generations.  There's always talk of both sides of the coin.  We know better than previous generations of adoptive parents, due to education and experience through them than they did.  But, we still can do better.  I always agree a parent can do better.  No doubt for any parent.  We are not perfect, by all means.

But, I think sometimes we go overboard.  There are a-parents that want their children to just mesh in and become Americans and that's that.  I think that's simplifying it, but a summary of what some parents do.  This is much the same as decades ago.  Some parents drastically change their lives for their adopted children.  They will uproot and move to a diverse area of their state, city, etc. so their child will never 'feel' out of place.  They make extra efforts for everything by reading every book, joining every group, etc., etc.

I would never say either is wrong.  It's a parental choice on how or where to raise your children regardless of how they came to your family.  But, I can't help but wonder sometimes are extremes, just too extreme?  We can never know what the real personality of our children will be in their teen years and later when a lot of adoptees begin to vocalize that their parents didn't do enough for them,or possibly too much?  How do we know that by going to extremes we're not making them any less unhappy...if that makes sense?  Some adoptees I have spoken with are perfectly content with the way they grew up and it was no different, or very little, from my upbringing.  I guess I tend to take a middle of the road approach.  My three children are Korean-Americans, but I tell them they can be whatever they feel.  If they want to say they're American, Korean-American or Korean, it's up to them and it may change through their life how they feel.  We don't go to camps, but mostly because we can't afford to all go as a family and we usually do most things as a family.  I am learning Korean, but for me...not them.  It's my choice.  I've told them that if they want to learn here and there I will teach them what I know, which is about their level anyways.  We cook Korean because of them.  At least that's what made me find the recipes and started it.  Now, I cook it because I enjoy it like I do Mexican and Chinese.  We do small traditional things too.  We have Korean items, music and art in the house, but we will never be Korean.  We love the culture and do what we can, but don't immerse in it.  We can't.  We don't have the ability and it's not feasible for many reasons.  They will never be denied their birthland by us.  It will always be important...of course, or we wouldn't be trying so hard to return to a country I have grown to love.

The other thing some a-parents do is dwell on our children's adoptedness.  Everything our children do, then, is linked to them being adopted.  Even simple, normal, phases of childhood get blamed on them being adopted.  Sometimes it is because of being adopted...no doubt.  Some children do have attachment problems.  Some children do take longer to bond because of their previous broken bonds.  But do we take this to extreme too?

I know I've changed a lot over the past 3 children.  I knew a lot less with our first and progressively more, now.  But, I've been guilty of blaming things on adoption.  I, for instance, thought Jaemin wasn't sleeping through the night because he needed reassurance we were still here.  I mean afterall, he wasn't ill or anything else all the time, so it had to be that.  Since we started his Zantac 3 nights ago he's a completely different boy.  He's always been my angel, but he's so happy now.  He still gets up some, but quiets within seconds.  I can't even get to his room before he finds his paci back and quiets.  And he's now babbling sounds he's never said before.  He feels so good and is SO happy.  This whole time, it was this.  Or it seems to be.  So, it's easy when there's nothing visual, to just assume.  Turns out he has bonded greatly, he just hurt.

So, while I do keep a watchful eye for attachment and all I know about it, I will try to decide and decipher whether it really may just be a childhood phase or something else, completely unrelated to adoption.   There's never hurt in seeking professional help if an a-parent feels it could be attachment related, but the symptoms of attachment really mimic a lot of other things too.  And, early on, when babies/children first come home we can't really expect that attachment checklist to be marked off in any particular amount of time.  So they will cry and they will go through certain phases for weeks or months.  That's normal AND okay.  We, as adoptive parents, need to give them and ourselves some slack.

Lisa

Heartburn, diarhea, indigestion...

No, not a Pepto commercial.  and I'm pretty sure it's just a heartburn/indigestion sort of thing, but we're trying some Zantac on Jae.  He has not slept well since his arrival.  We chalked it up to him just needing reassurance we were there and came every time he cried for the past 9 months 1-5 times per night.  We chalked it up to some times when he's been ill or teething and gave him pain reliever.  I tried cosleeping and it seems to not be working.  He wakes up next to me and cries.

Something is waking him up.  I also talked to my mother-in-law, his daycare provider and asked if he seemed hungry right after finishing a meal.  She said he signs 'more' to her too.  We both know he can't still be hungry because he eats a lot at each sitting.  While, eating a lot is not a typical sign of acid reflux, food may be calming his belly and therefore he wants more because he knows what will happen.  Smart guy, huh?!  I talked to the doc and he agreed that he may have it, so we gave it to him and already he went to bed better than he has the entire time he's been with us.  He also didn't sign for 'more' this evening.  That's a first.  I guess after a couple of nights or so we should have a better idea if that's what's waking him up at night.

We shall see.

Lisa

Are they really so different?

I mean biological children from adoptees?

I know a lot of adoptees do feel different from their siblings who are biological to their parents and I'm sure that same scenario can be vice versa too.  But, a lot of the adoptees you hear from were adopted decades ago.  So much has changed.  Adoptive parent education has greatly changed and not to mention just the world itself.  I know there's a vast difference between the world I grew up in and the world my sister grew up in.  We are 1 decade apart and a lot of times it feels that we are a full generation apart.  I truly believe there's a generational gap between her and I.  It closes in as we get older, of course, it's there.

Our attorney was watching my kids interact with each other in the hallway while we were waiting to finalize Jaemin's adoption last month.  She mentioned that a lot of siblings she sees together where some are biological and some are adopted, and close in age, don't interact the same.  She asked if they're the same way at home.  I said "of course, sometimes they fight and sometimes they don't, but which ones are doing what varies."  She asked how we broached the topic of adoption long ago and I told her the thing when we first started the process 8 years ago the boys were only 5 and 2.  While we included our oldest in the discussion nothing seemed out of order to them or any different than a baby coming home from the hospital.  They never acted any different.  And as she got older they began including her on both the fun and the fights.  Progressively, each time we adopted, we included the older children on the decision.  We are very open with our kids and told them the negatives such as; not as much money for vacations, stuff, etc.  But, did they want another child to share their lives with?  The answer has always been yes...without hesitation.  Even when Jaemin's surprise call came they really never hesitated, even knowing that number 5 would make things even more difficult.

Are they really so different?  We do treat them different on occasion.  But, it's mostly in our reactions.  Some of what we do different is based on what we've learned from previous parenting and getting older.  Some of our different parenting is things like not letting people hold right away, holding them more often, doing things that would look like spoiling, but are really just trust building exercises.  We experience more because of them....but that's not parenting.  This is more of an expanded world for us, that is due to them.  We are fortunate to have our eyes opened up to Korean cuisine and the beautiful culture.  If I had a close friend or family member I think I would be the same way because I am curious by nature.  Do we really treat them different?  I think no.  Even some of the stuff that I have learned from adoptive parenting are good things to do for any parent and since the world is evolving I've noticed nonadoptive parents doing some of these same things.

Will my children have issues because we adopted some of them?  Maybe?  Will my children have issues because we didn't go to Korea to get some of them?  Maybe.  But, I think a lot of that will be their personality.  For now, I know that we do our best.  We have open, honest discussions with them and I thoroughly encourage them to talk to me about anything.  I hope they always do.  I open discussions if it seems like the opportune time and close them when they're not at their level.  I never lie though.

I hope my kids don't think they were any different to us, one day.  I hope they realize they all mean the world to us.  We could care less how any of them came into the world....we would move mountains to take care of them and protect them.  I love watching them interact.  You can see the bond between them all.  Their bond is close.  They do fight and often, but that's not unexpected considering their closeness in age and the fact that in a house this small you can't actually get away from anyone.  For God sake I have to go to my closet for timeout.  But, they're amazing, even at their worst.  I'm glad they will always have each other.  I'm glad that because of three of them we will have some experiences we would never have had without them...such as going to Korea.  There's nothing better than memories with your family.  And they are my family and Korea is part of me because it's part of them.

I think I actually ventured a lot...but in the end I just don't think they're really all that different.  We do our best with all 5, regardless and by default of personality they are all 5 different and we do parent them 5 different ways.

Lisa