None for Santa

 

Santa doesn’t really need these so we made plenty. Chelsi made puppy chow and then we made sugar cookies for everyone to help decorate. That got old in a hurry. While they did that I made KitKats.  Then while still finishing up the sugar cookies we mixed up the monster cookies. If you’ve made them then you know how large ONE batch is. I think I baked just those for over 4 hours. The started around 830 am and finished just after 6 pm. Such a long day but we gifted some to neighbors and have gift bags made up for coworkers too. Plenty more treats for Christmas. Monster cookies were the best by the way and we will not do sugar cookies again. 

Time for transition

 

Getting warmer.  Literally the afternoons in my office finally warm me up daily. I spend the morning with a lap blanket because it’s a chilly 71°. 

But I’m also warming up to the change. I’m settling in a little more everyday. Most of the time if you’re relatively doing the same type of job and just switching organizations it may not quite feel like the adjustment I’ve been feeling. Mostly I think I’ve realized that I was used to very strict rules, lack of trust unless you were in certain circles, and not feeling like you’re adding value to anything real. Meaning your job doesn’t necessarily equate to seeing positive change to people the organization is serving. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t because of my direct supervisor. I’d felt and experienced this throughout my 21 years there and he protected me from it to the best of his ability but it was embedded deep in the politics of the organization. Now I’m realizing I didn’t know any different and just accepted it. 

While I’ve had fleeting second thoughts over the past several weeks and days of doubting myself, I’m learning to spread myself out and trust myself more.  I’m learning that my job does add value as I’m seeing programs change as my team members develop data charts to show progress of programs that I consulted with them on. I’m learning to treat my staff the way I always wanted to be treated by my managers over the years. I’m learning I can be treated like an adult and my team and I can be valued for what we do, not who we are; and not be overlooked. 

I hope to keep learning all of these new programs and be a good manager to my staff to develop them and their talents. I want to finally have a positive impact and make a difference. Something I’ve always wanted. 

So tomorrow I keep pushing and reading and getting up to speed as quickly as possible. 

Hit me with your best shot

 

This is totally on the joking side.  I know they’re not trying to hurt me. It’s just a thought that passed through my mind as I was trying so hard not to cry or scream when he popped my joint making it hurt worse and stuck the needle in and proceeded to move it around within the joint to get all of the affected area. He’s the 2nd ortho I’ve been to in the two years since the scooter accident that caused the arthritis. I only switched because he has a better procedure with less recovery time in mind for when I want to fix it. I will say though, the last ortho who gave me the shot the last time left me with pain for two full days and horrible bruising.  This time the pain was more minimal. I lost function of my hand for a couple of hours and it hurt here and there but nothing like the past several times.  Now hoping for several months of minimal pain and maybe not wincing every time someone attempts to touch my hand/thumb.   

It was a week of shots. I started off Tuesday getting some spots on my shoulder biopsied for skin cancer because they were way to close to a previous cancer spot for me to wait for an appointment. When I called I found out my NP had left the practice and didn’t tell her patience. Bad practice!  They offered up an other doctor and because I was so anxious about the situation I took it. He turned out to be fantastic and I plan to stay. He was great at listening and quickly shaved the spots for biopsy. Including me in every decision instead of just doing what he wanted. By Friday I was getting an injection in my hand and now that I know my skin spots are not cancer this time (thank God) I can focus on getting the spots to heal nicely and be pain free in my hand for a bit. 

#arthritissucks #cortisoneinjection #medicalintervention 

Are you that person?

Are you the person who preaches and tells everyone they can retire early because you did or say things like “take the trip while you’re young and able with your kids” and constantly posting on social media that giving your kids experiences is so important but the only experiences you share are trips to Disney, Hawaii or other big experiences?  Or are you the parent sitting on the other side of that post reading and feeling like a failure because you can’t?

Life sometimes really is luck of the draw. Sometimes it’s hard work and sometimes it’s a combination. But one person can work hard and everything can work out beautifully while another person can work just as hard and nothing ever seems to go or come their way.  And I’ve heard, over my many years on the internet, things like well you could if you would cut out the lattes or getting your nails done.  And that’s true. If you do those things. But guess what preachy people. Not everyone does those kinds of luxury treatments.  Some people are already barebones and still just can’t afford the trip even to Six Flags for their kids let alone flying and staying in hotels somewhere really cool like Disney or Hawaii etc.  

Truly if you can do those things with your kids share away. Post the fun pics of your kids and your family. It’s a great memory for you and your family and you’re a very blessed person. But remember not everyone got your hand dealt. 

If you’re the mom that can’t afford to have the “cool” experiences with your kids and you’ve cut out the extras already and there’s no room to budge, you’re not alone.  Get creative. There are fun things you can do with your kids and they will remember it because you were there having fun with them. Have a carpet picnic with a Redbox movie or streaming movie. Go find a walking trail with them and make little stops along the way for photo ops. Let them play in the leaves or in the snow with their you.  Get sidewalk chalk and draw giant murals or watercolors and paint the sidewalk with them. It doesn’t matter as long as you’re there. Don’t let anyone else tell you that you’re not enough. You are!

Packed breakfast

 I don’t get up early enough to make and eat breakfast before work but on weekends or days off this has become my new favorite. If I don’t want the mess I keep to whole grain toast, avocado, honey and everything bagel seasoning. If I have time for mess I add an egg. Packed full of healthiness it’s so good and so filling. #healthy breakfast #yummybreakfast #avacadotoast

Christmas cuteness

 Love the addition of the cute metal signs, alpine tree and large Christmas bells added to my pots compliments of Hobby Lobby. The cute lot packages are from Amazon. And all together they complete what we wanted so that my husband will stop threatening to put lights on the house. He knows I don’t want him up there. lol

Someone is 50

 Someone turned 50 today!  And I pulled off my first surprise party for him. I was able to grab plenty of snack for pickup and delivery from Walmart and Gerbes and then sneakily tell him my dad and sister were coming for a small Thanksgiving snack night thing. This threw him off. He just thought I over bought until people kept trickling in. He finally asked who was coming and I told him that was the surprise. It was really just close friends and family but that came to about 40 without kids. So good to see everyone and so glad everyone celebrated with us. 

Recycle Decor

 Recycle when you can. 

Anyone who knows me knows I hate to waste money or things.  So when I’m ready for a change in decor I think long and hard.  In this case, I wanted to minimize the colors I had in my living room. This means new pillows or throws.  Well, as luck would have it I found the perfect pillow covers on Amazon. I took those green pillows and turned them dark grey to match a throw I had.  They fit perfect and look perfect.  And best of all they cost $10 total and I didn’t have to sell or throw out the old pillows. 

Make the best of these times

 

I missed that game because an adult kid was home for a visit. The choices we sometimes have to make having kids and especially when they move away. But the youngest daughter definitely makes the best of everyday and all times.  Slow down. The best is still to come. 

Love these girls, so much, getting ready for pajama night at the the game. The stands hadn’t even filled up yet. 

Keep muddling

 

Keep pushing.  Keep muddling through if you have to. Life is easier in small bites. Don’t procrastinate and end up creating more work and anxiety for yourself.  Truly this works. Now I’d only my kids would take note!  

Can I? Should I?

Choices in parenting are hard!  They don’t always have to be. There are definitely things you can do to make life easier as a parent. Organize your week and take offers to help are just a couple. 

But sometimes parenting is just hard and you can’t press the easy button. You can’t just let kids have whatever they want because it keeps the peace at the moment and because you have the money to do so. They need to see you stand your ground and be firm. And then to in a lot of situations know why you made that choice for them. And yes I mean for them. When they’re younger they do not have the capacity to make all of their own decisions. You are there until their brain matures to make those for themselves. You are there to teach them along the way. It’s a long 20+ year process.  Think about it in the context of the things you do for them, regardless of financial abilities, are small when they’re younger but they grow with the child’s age  and bailing them out of trouble or continually buying them what they want just because you can will cause them to potentially get into trouble regardless of consequences or have no real regard and respect for  money or people.

Teach by example. Talk out loud, at the diner table, about the choices the family is making. Let them see you and hear you talk about somewhat hard stuff. Let them hear you say I can’t because of xyz even though I want to. And then teach them to ask themselves can I.  And not just can I, should I. Just because you physically can doesn’t mean you should. 

Ask the hard questions. Teach them to ask the hard questions of themselves and be honest with themselves. Teach them to fish!

A little laugh for the week

 To say this week has been stressful at work is an understatement. I was in tears last night feeling the pressure (put on myself) to know more than I should know after 7 days on the job.  I literally prayed that God would show me a sign that this was really the right place for me. I so badly want to prove to myself I CAN handle this role but if it’s wrong it’s wrong. I walked in, put my stuff in my office and went to get my water for the day and ran into the director in the hall. She asked how things were going. Me being my truthful self told her it was quite the learning curve after being somewhere for over 20 years, growing up with an organization and therefore being an expert of the material. She looked at me and said “you always had to have an A didn’t you?”  I answered truthfully.  Yes.  She told me to get past that. It’s fine. She said they hired me because of my experience.  And then later my manager told me he was having a conversation with someone else in the office that told him they won getting me to make the move. That was my sign. I can go on now and push forward as hard as I have been since I started. 

Over the weekend I got the pants I had ordered to go with a top that I can now fit in again. I ordered a 28. The tag in the pants and on the pants said 28. My husband just burst out laughing. Not making fun of anyone larger. Just funny that even the tags were so wrong. 

Onward to more learning and catching up with a lot of information in the coming weeks, months and years!

Piecing it all together

 

I hadn’t felt tired, out of place or uncomfortable in a very long time. Yes the occasional I’m new to a parent group for a school function or something like that but not that new kid to school anxious feeling.  Not in quite awhile. 

I’ve definitely been feeling that these past several days, every day. Despite everyone being very warm and kind, newness at this age especially makes you feel something you likely haven’t felt in a long time. But getting the collage I had made up makes my office feel warm and me and that makes me feel safe in my place.  Until I feel safe and comfortable everywhere I will be running 100 mph to get up to speed on as much as I can.  I’m used to knowing so much and I need to give myself sometime to feel an ounce of that security here. And I’ll have to keep reminding myself.  Sometimes several times a day when I have a second to breath.  I can do this!

Pure exhaustion

 Change is exhausting. Life is exhausting. 

We had finally gotten the car that hit the deer back and sent back to college with the kid. Then a bird hit the top of one of the cars and knocked the antenna attachment off that included wiring so we’re back with an auto body shop waiting to see if we have to file another claim from Mother Nature.  And now my daughter is sending me pictures from college because she thinks her gutate psoriasis was triggered by something after being symptom free since she went off the skyrizi in June.  She’s wondering if it was her flu shot and I really hate that she’ll have to go back on those meds because of what they do to your immune system but at the same time those sores that covered her body were miserable. And then there’s the cost of the medication. It was upwards of $25k per shot with my insurance discount. So hopefully Skyrizi will put her back in their copay program. 

And add to that starting a new job after 27 years with the same lace. I’m still excited about it but a little overwhelmed and a lot exhausted. A lot of meeting new people and information thrown at me in a small amount of time. The upside is everyone has been super nice and very welcoming. And I have a great office building location with a very nice office with sunshine pouring in the windows. And once I had a collage of the kids on the wall above my desk I felt better. 

New beginnings

 

New beginnings and changes are always a little scary. 

I’ve been preparing for two weeks. Tons of notes and videos to help my boss ingest my knowledge (per his request). Going through my closet and cleaning out all of my dress clothes that was in poor condition and donating those items that no longer fit and taking in the pants that could be salvaged until I find something smaller and at an affordable price. Cleaning up my offices and permanently cleaning out my actual office location.  New people and a few familiar faces.  New duties and a few familiar.  I’m doing what I told my 18 year old daughter to do a few days ago. Closing my eyes and jumping in.  God led me here. It’s time to follow and see where it leads. 

Another ending

 It’s another last.  Another ending   Another senior sad moment. 

She unexpectedly began running xc her freshman year (half way through after the coach and runners pursued her) and she grew to enjoy the running and the friendships. We grew to enjoy the 30-60 minute drives for a 22 minute event. 

She would get done with track at the end of May, take a week off and start 6 day training weeks for cross country.  She never made it to state as she’d hoped.  But she kept it up and was a great cheerleaders to her entire team the whole way. 

It was an unexpected sad day for her. I’m not sure she really expected it to hurt so much to end finally. But she’ll have more of these this year and she’ll get used to it before she starts a lifetime of firsts next year. I was happy that when she saw me I was the person she wanted to fall into in tears.  After our long hug she got a other from a teammate and was able to go on with the day.  

Hello October

 

I feel like fall now. I know it already is but I was still hanging on to my summer decor.  Luckily it’s a quick and easy transition. Once you have all of the new seasons decor in foam you just pull it out of storage and put it in your centerpiece. Less than 1 minute and done! 

I love how easy this idea is for every season and it takes very little storage since I use the same candles and tray. 

 #fallishere #falldecor #easydecorchange 

People at school

 

Went through the camera roll of the 15 year old and he had this from his science class. I love these sweet little pictures of him and his classmate. 

You can never be too careful so it’s wise to randomly check their camera roll as well as texts. Just remember apps do exist for kids to be able to hide photos and they’re conveniently disguised as calculators and other helpful apps. 

Guess they had to do the condensed version

 Since they gave the condensed version of everything this high school senior does I’ll add that she has been an officer of NHS for 2 years, currently President.  She has been a class officer all 4 years of high school, currently as Vice President.  She has been a leader of Fellowship of Christian Athletes for the past 2 years. She also works at a local restaurant, babysits, house sits, cleans houses and tutors. Not to mention far more volunteer hours than she is required to do by any clubs.  

She is definitely someone young kids should look up to. I do. 

The little things

 It really is the little things. 

I was sitting with my youngest daughter, the other night , as I have so many nights lately while she brainstorms her many scholarship essays. I looked over and saw this beautiful, dainty, opal ring on her tiny hands and it just made me smile. My mom had given me my first ring when I was 13. And then I got a pearl ring later in high school.  When each of my girls turned 13 I passed one onto each of them.  Chelsi has hers sized down to a 4 to fit her and it’s just beautiful to see her wearing it daily now that she’s 18.  My girls make my heart full and I couldn’t love them more. Every moment with them is a treasure.  

Even these moments of staying up super late because late is the only time she has available to work on these essays and she needs someone to bounce ideas off of. I will always be there for you two. 

Trusting in God

 

Sometimes I don’t have enough faith in myself to believe that I can be very strong and be more like this ant on my pool deck. Most times to be honest. But I’m trying hard to just trust God. 

When I don’t know what to do I have a little talk with Him and tell Him that if He makes it known I’ll follow the prompts. After 21 years in the same department, various jobs and promotions, I applied to leave for a different department. After over 18 years of specializing in what I do and over 6 years of asking to be paid like someone who specializes and knows what no one else does, for the department I decided it was time to look elsewhere. For several years I’ve been told that I could only be considered for an increase if I had an offer. That seems real appreciative doesn’t it?  While a coworker with less experience, that does know some things I don’t but I know things they don’t, gets a big bump over me. We do have different managers so that’s part of it. But I think I just needed the push. 

I went out of my comfort zone and applied for the job. They told me it could be a few weeks to get through the process but they called me just 3 days later to offer it with a little more than the posting.  It’s the perfect location, seems like a good unit and office culture and the money was definitely a factor. But it was also a position that sounded interesting and made me feel excited again. Something I hadn’t felt in awhile and somewhat due to feeling looked over and ignored.  

I haven’t officially accepted yet but plan to soon. I was told to think about it for a few days and give my office time to try to counter to keep me. Apparently my manager told them he was going to try, but I’m honestly not sure I’d stay. 

So mostly, this weekend, I’m focusing on researching the new department, figuring out who I’d work with etc and planning to wrap things up, pack things up and making plans for my family to move onto a different job. I’m trying to listen to God. I’m trying to continue to have faith that He’ll lead me down the right paths if I have faith and try. 

So here’s to praying I’m strong enough to do something new, to change our lives and go where I’m supposed to go next. And praying this is a beautiful move for my family and myself. 

Another week of stress down

 I know I should enjoy so many moments. Especially our seniors last. But sometimes everything coincides with other things and I get a little stressed though I do try to enjoy them each as they occur. Our youngest daughter's final homecoming and our youngest sons first.  Along with him on the sidelines for his first homecoming football game and her having fun at her last. She was on court and they both were heavily involved in their class floats as class officers so they each had very early mornings and very late nights.  And we had powderpuff with our senior as QB1 and hoco events for court parents all day.  By dance night we were all exhausted and then our oldest daughter hit a deer and her car is now not driveable as they think it may have damaged the cooling system. With college a 2 1/2 hour drive that is stressful figuring out what to do. That whole week of homecoming was spent with us juggling vehicles already because the 23 year olds truck had a wiper motor go out and the dealership didn’t notice they never had the right part the whole time it was there while one of our primary vehicle was in for the ac compressor going out and what we thought was an oil leak from them not tightening the filter at oil change. It ended up being a leak deep in the turbo engine. We were frustrated with the repairs this car was needing in the short 9 months we had it and had already traded it for my, new to me, Pilot.  Last night was football and tonight was conference cross country and another last for our senior.  And the girls were conference champs!  Woohoo! Things should cool down now, literally. If we can get all of the vehicles back in order it will feel better. The college kid actually found a ride to school and she’ll just have to find another to come back after the car is hopefully fixed. 

Spirit week dress up for the freshman

Freshman float

QB1

My youngest babies

All conference xc one more time

Traditional kissing of the conference plaque

My view (from her room)

 

I’m not much of a night owl anymore. The older I get the more value I put on sleep. And I try very hard to be in bed as close to 10 pm as I can. Hoping for a good 7 hours. But every 3 years I have a senior and every fall of their senior year it means scholarship and essay crunch time. I do not write essays or do work for my kids. I’ve heard other parents say they do, not seeing the harm. I want my kids’ achievements to truly be theirs.  But this means sitting in a room with them, far past my bed time, listening to them brainstorm through essay prompts asking me questions or for my opinion every now and again. If I wasn’t here, they would probably just go to bed and by morning forget the roll they were on. So I stay up with them some, in case I’m needed for a small nugget of information or validation of a well written paragraph. 

After doing this with 3 of my, now, 4 adult kids I’ve seen them evolve from decent writers who needed me for a quick edit or read for validation to impressive writers who only proofed themselves as time went on getting scholarships with zero involvement from me.  This makes me proud. This is THEIR growth. And now I’m seeing it with child #4 and her writing ability already blows me away. 

This is why we can’t do things for our children. Do them with them but never for them. Teach them to fish!!