We left at 8:15am. Will return about 8:15pm. All to watch her compete in the 4x800 and 4x400 her senior year. First and last events of every meet. But worth all of this for the past four years. She and her team are going to state. And some records were broken by some of the kids. Great day for them.
Her freshman year she went as a 4x400 alternate. This year she earned her way in both events and has done that for three years now. Proud of her and the team.
#tracklife #supportingourkids #itsmay
We’re leaving soon for one of my happy places. It’s just my daughter and I. Our first trip just the two of us but we’ve been planning this for awhile. Not literally planning but intending to go. And I got my flags out of the garage for Spring. Yes. You cannot see the US flag but it’s in the photo. I have them in the respectful flag order. But I always want my Korean born kids to also be proud that they are Korean American.
#patriotism #countdowntovacation #senioryearwinddown
#rememberthem #lostson #mychildrenaremylife
Yep. Good days. We are having them and feeling God’s comfort and warmth. I’m more thankful than ever for every day the kids are with us. I always was but I guess I’m just more conscious of it than ever. Another 9 hour day of track that’s exhausting it well spent with some of the people I love dearly and after 9 years of having of 1-2 kids in track consistently it’s drawing to a close. I’ve also learned , after losing Cole, not to dread the busy days of running or long days of sitting all day to watch their minute or two of shining. It’s easy to not see that when you’re in the throes of parenting and maybe you have more kids to juggle at one time than feels doable. It’s okay. I promise. Just do it and enjoy it.
I’m trying really hard to no longer sweat the small stuff. Very hard for an OCD person. Had myself a good cry tonight. They’re getting ver random, but I think it’s because I’ve been keeping busy, How can I not? I have a senior and two kids running track. It’s definitely enough to mask and shove back things that could be going on in my head. So they pop out randomly when I have a slow moment.
#frizzy #raincurls #badhairday
It’s been an entire month. An entire 30+ days without our son. I’m doing okay. I’m doing better. But, yesterday I saw something and my impulse was to call him to ask him about it and within a split second I realized I couldn’t. That was a hard moment but one that was going to happen.
For the first time in over a month the corner of my counter is empty. For weeks it sat there with lists of people to send thank yous to, checks and money from people to forward to the charities and other things to take care of. Don’t get me wrong. We’re still dealing with things of his to close out and take care of that just takes time but it’s dwindling down and allowing my thoughts to not be constantly reminded and consumed in utter sadness all of the time.
I still have a little trouble with finding joy. The track meets are hard. I haven’t gotten back to yelling at and for everyone but I’m going and I’m clapping to cheer the kids on. And when I go downstairs I get to see his favorite hats hanging where nothing was ever hung before and instead there was just emptiness that seemed awkward. Deer mounts on the wall that he begged me to hang while he was traveling and a jersey framed that he loved. All things that can now make me smile and think of him.
#missyou. #lostson #tryingtoheal
It was haircut morning a few weeks ago. Ugh. It’s time again since the hair on the heads of the guys in this house grows FAST!! But I had always cut hair out of necessity since everyone was young to save money. Could you imagine for 4 guys how much it would cost monthly? Now they just prefer I do it. We had a friend doing it and she did a great job but she decided she didn’t want to cut hair anymore. The girls don’t get theirs cut often but when they do it’s chunks like this. And the shades of hair in this house crack me up. We just need red.
#haircuts #savemoney #monthlysavings
I could post another sad post. That’s most of my days sprinkled by sun peaking out a little at a time.
Here’s the sun for our 18 year old. She waited patiently and kept looking and finally found something nice that she could afford and should hopefully last her. Fingers crossed.
She bought this with cash! She saved everything she’s made and spent some on this car and her first full coverage insurance payment. Yes, she’s still in high school but we teach the kids about real life. When she runs out of tuition money between scholarships and savings we’ll start helping her where we can. But she’s always had a job just like her sister and brothers before her. She loves her Naveen! I hope he lasts all through college and beyond so she can buy her second car with cash and know the joy of not having those loans if possible.
#carisdone #rhondaisgone #teachkidsfinances #teachkidsresponsibility
I woke up this morning to this song in my head. I hadn’t heard it in so long. I have no idea what I was dreaming about or why this song. Before I went to bed last night I prayed to dream of Cole. I can usually remember at least one dream per night. I don’t remember any dreams of him last night. But this song makes me wonder. Was he sending the song to me? It’s fairly fitting for everything that happened. I’m trying not to question why it had to happen. I have all of the videos and photos in my head that I replay over and over again to hear his voice and see him. I probably always will.
#missmyson #grief #talktoangels
It’s already been almost 3 weeks. Some days I can’t stop crying and then I have more moments when I think he’s just in KS and will be calling. And then we find out things like what he had his siblings as beneficiaries on like he knew he would be taking care of them. The more I deal with all of this the more I found out I didn’t know a lot of things and he had so much more than even we knew and was much deeper. Spoiler. For anyone who wrote blank checks we made them out to Make a Wish. The day Cole got his wish was a day he couldn’t stop smiling. We want to make a child smile too.
#toosoon #myson #makeawish #americanheartassociation #childrensmirackenetwork
Today we took our son’s ashes to all of his favorite places and returned him to God. I prayed so hard for this child 28 years ago and was blessed with his birth 27 years ago. And today we gave him back. It was hard yet peaceful at the same time. The last little bit was the hardest. We cried. I’m glad we did it together. Just the 6 of us. 6 of us. It’s always been 7. I’m just not sure about this yet.
We got to his camper to clean things out today. Originally I wasn’t supposed to help. But I think it was good for me. We didn’t know that in his downtime from his job he was making candles and jewelry. As we went through the important things and maybe some unimportant, the kids all grabbed small things that just made them think of Cole. Jae took all of the sunglasses. Shirts, coats, Cardinals memorabilia coin and of course all of the hunting and fishing things. His Godfather, who plays guitar, took the guitar to remember him by. I’m sure to a lot of people none of this would be anything but junk but we will always think of Cole with these things. The hats hanging in our basement along with his jersey and deer. The old dirty hat one of his good friends wanted. We left the camper still filled with some of his things. Today was enough. I may go back for one of his cutoffs to wear kayaking. My tribute to my son. We said it all of the time about him. He was freakishly strong and the hardest worker we ever knew. Every employer always confirmed that.
My son Cole. Amazing. I wish I had the chance to tell him that more often. Tell your kids the truth. But make sure they always know the good and the bad. Follow up something you don’t like with something you do. I know he knew because we talked about this stuff but I’ll never get to tell him again.
I love you so much and I’ll continue our conversations.
I feel like I'm supposed to be feeling a little better. I feel like I shouldn't cry with simple words and gestures. Every. Single. Time.
I have always gotten through things and carried on. We lost our first baby at 22 weeks pregnant. It was awful. I cried and mourned and coped (probably poorly), but I went on. I went back to work. I went back to life. We went through open heart surgeries with Cole twice. We went through a spinal cord injury. We have been through so much and every time I carried on. I sucked it up and went on. I guess because we survived it was okay. I'm not surviving. I'm broken. Completely shattered. And people keep saying God only gives you what you can handle. That's not true. I'm not handling this and I don't want to. When we lost our first baby I saw the bigger picture. It led us to adoption and I don't regret or feel pain from any of that. There is no good to losing Cole. There's no brighter or bigger picture. I have my 4 younger ones left and I live and try for them. I'm not hiding the tears well though. As much as I don't want to do it so often around them, it just happens. Loving your kids intensely leaves you to be in intense pain. Getting out of bed in the morning gets harder. The quiet gets harder. Talking gets harder. Just everything is harder.
I'm praying that with a little time it doesn't feel remotely this bad. I'm praying for healing, but I know the scar will be visible. I see it on my face already.
I loved you so much Cole. I would have done anything for you. I just wanted you safe and with us always, but it's like you always knew it wouldn't be long enough. I think down deep we always knew too. That doesn't make this easier.
This may be a mix for now, awhile or forever. A mix of saving money and a mix of a journal for me. A way for me to remember my son and my feelings as I try to navigate the rest of my life without him. I sent him the text below a couple of days after the news. I had to tell him one more time.
The last few mornings I woke up crying immediately. Yesterday was a little better. I didn't cry right away. Today, I woke up super early and though I'm not sobbing uncontrollably as I have I'm just sadder than yesterday. I can feel him. I can remember what it was like hugging him. And because he towered over my 5'5" frame at 6'5" tall, I always wrapped my arms around his mid torso. Unless he bent down that's just what I had to do. He only bent down for all of his grandmothers. I can still see him in my house. I can see him in the doorway of the hall to my room as he would come in there to say something or standing at the top of the stairs as he came for a visit or was getting ready to leave and came to say goodbye.
The last time he left......2 weeks ago, he was going to be here while I was gone to work so that he could get some business done locally. I said goodbye the night before and kept the security video of him leaving that morning. It was a weird habit I had anytime the kids left. Those never got deleted. I have him talking to Ruger that morning and I'll forever get to hear his voice because of that. I'm thankful for that. I miss his voice already. We didn't talk everyday. He was very busy with long days at work and friends beyond measure. But he always called for news, recipes and how tos. And the last minute calls to say he was coming home.
I pray I can feel his hugs forever, in my mind. I pray I can here the way he would say "what?!" and smile REALLY big. I have videos of his childhood and some of the faces he made in those never really changed. We've been looking back on those and smiling. They don't make me sad. They make me remember and feel. I don't ever want to not feel even when the pain hits.
Drive your older kids crazy. Whip out the phone. Take the 5 second videos and quick pics so you have their smiles, their voices and their funny expressions. Don't regret a second.
Cole. I don't even know what to say. There isn't enough space to say it all. I love you so much. I have loved you since the day I found out we were having you. You are amazing. You were the kids I prayed to have and the kid I prayed for daily for God to walk with you and keep you safe. I guess he wanted you back. I will never ever understand. I try not to question this stuff anymore. It's exhausting to do so. I only wish I had more time with you. I still see you standing in the doorways towering up the top. Washing your red dirt clothes from OK so you can go to bed after a long drive here. Seeing you play video games and chat with Jaemin always made my heart melt. I wish I had told you. I said what I felt so I don't have a lot of regrets. I always wanted to make sure you knew I loved you no matter what. Even when we disagreed. I hope you truly knew it was never being said just to be said. I feel tremendous love for all of you. You were the first I loved like that. I hope you're looking down on all of us who loved you. I know you'll keep us all safe. You always saw angels when you were little so I guess God just kept you close because you were special. I always wanted to see how your story turned out. I always felt like you were here to impact this world. I lm sad you didn't fully get the chance. But those of us who got you feel the impact. Those of us who were fortunate to love you. Those of us God felt worthy. You were a free spirit who never apologized for being different. That's what made you....you. I promise we will always talk about you. I promise we won't let the world forget you. I always said Jaemin was the final piece that sealed up my heart but now it's cracked and definitely broken. It can never really be healed. Just taped and bandaged together. You always knew you wouldn't live forever. Your heart condition gave you a different outlook on life that I guess I thought was negative but I'm glad you saw that you needed to live every single day and celebrate every single day. Jaemin told me the other night that he knew you were happy. I'm glad he saw that. I love you my baby boy. With all of my heart and my soul and I will until I see you again. We can still talk though. I will talk to you like I do my grandmas. Give them all hugs please. One of your really good ones. I love you. God I love you so damn much. It hurts to love some one so much. I thank God I got to love you for 27 years. Goodbye.
TSA Part 2. I already have the liquids in the little containers. I have a kid who will be flying soon to try out some of this. But we will really give it a test this summer. I love how small these are which means more things in the quart size bag to have less of more products.
Can’t wait for the trips with these.
#flysmart #smartpacking #tsapacking
My quick little phone art project. Not the greatest as far as design durability but if you’re someone who wants to change the design of your phone case often this is for you! I’m totally good with it. I’ll probably redo it from time to time and then let it run off so it looks more like a sketch and not so perfect. According to Sharpie, on Walmarts website these oil based markers are supposed to be abrasion resistant. They are not.
Less than $20 all together so you get a lot of designs for that price. Markers are from Walmart and the case is from Amazon. Have fun arting!
Sharpie-Oil-Based-Medium-Paint-Marker-Set-Silver-Gold
#diyphonecase #sharpiefun #metallicart
Part 1 with some great travel containers to make fitting all of your liquids in 1 quart bags much easier. I’ve always had solid bottles but now I focus on using airbnbs that provide shampoo and conditioner. I’m not really preferential anyways. I do have bar shampoo to bring as a backup. I also keep a great powder facial cleanser just for traveling too.
There are all kinds of new ways to carry your liquid hair care and beauty items without overpacking for TSA clearance.
I am not an Amazon affiliate or influencer. This is strictly passing on things I have found and like onto others as ideas.
Favorite liquid squeeze containers in multiple sizes, just $8
Lipgloss size squeeze travel containers - my next video will elaborate on these
But there were some good days and these were two of them. Last year was Winterfest Princess, this year was Queen. Last year was Hamilton on campus this year was Mama Mia at the Fox. Last year it was just her and I for Hamilton. This year it was both daughters, my little sis, my mom and my sweet niece. Such a fantastic night with the girls and great Christmas present for my mom. More nights or days like this please!
#moregirlsnights #february #showtime
The song I posted to Instagram with this was MeghanTrainor’s Don’t I Make It Look Easy. Apparently there are rights keeping the music from being saved with the video. So I switched it to snazzy surf music for the blog.
First of all I’ve seen a lot of games at school assemblies but this was one of the most entertaining. She ended up having to do it twice. One of the penalties of being small. But yeah she makes it look easy. She makes life look awesomely fun and easy. And no one sees her cry. She’s busy lifting everyone else up and putting them first and being one of the greatest friends I’ve seen. I wish the world to my kids but this song really makes me wish the world to her today.
#lovemykids #fundoingeverything #winterfest
Nope. Not Christmas.
It’s true. I’m really good at filling my Amazon cart. That scroll is about half. But a lot of items have been in there for months. When I think I’ll need an item down the road I throw it in there as a placeholder. I spend months watching prices or just deciding I no longer need or want and then I remove it. It gives me time to really decide and prioritize what I need or really want so that I don’t impulse buy. Some of these items I really do need for vacation but I have time to buy them. So I will let them sit in there so that I can budget things I need by month and not overspend! After all the vacation budget is separate from the monthly spending budget.
Can’t wait for vacation, rather special trip, we have talked about for several years. I’ll elaborate more on what brought it to fruition suddenly, later
#vacationbudget #monthlybudget #noimpulsebuying #slowdown
Hugs are universal. Hugs cannot always fix a feeling or situation but I can release you and make you feel better. It makes the person giving feel better and the recipient feel better. My husbands accident was 16 years ago and this person’s simple and random act of kindness still makes me cry. It didn’t fix what was going on in the room upstairs but it gave me a release that I needed before I walked into that room.
Two of my five kids are very huggy. I was not raised that way. But as much as I’m sure some of our behaviors have rubbed off on them I have taken on some of theirs as well. Nature vs nurture is an interesting concept.
Give someone that hug they may need. Give someone you love a hug just because you need it. After a long day at work a hug can feel really good.
#itsyourmoney #keepyourmoney #benice
Yeah I’m that girl that returns things that don’t belong to me and at all costs is honest to a fault. So I expect the same in return. This company doesn’t know me. I don’t like being taken advantage of I work too hard to let a corporation steal from me.
It’s exhausting and yes my time is worth more but…. If you keep letting corporations do this they’ll just keep making more money. It’s a bait and switch to give you an “emergency pizza” that is free and coupons to use and then after you hit “place order” they disappear. Only you don’t know it because the email doesn’t come for 10 more minutes and by then you’re in your way to pick up the pizza. I’ve been fighting this $21.49 + tax over charge for over a week now. I’m prepared to complain to the attorney general if I have to. I’ve called the local and corporate Dominos 3-4 times, created 3 tickets and I only get told they’ll have someone from the franchise call. But it never happens. Keep going. #dontletthemsteal #keepyourmoney #stealingiswrong
He always offers to help me. And I know he means well but unless I don’t have enough hands to do it all I feel like I have to explain what I need in such depth it’s easier to do myself. I generally like to be alone in the kitchen except cutting up onions. And I’m the messiest cook so I also have to clean up. No one deserves to clean up after I cook
#sushibake #cookingtogether #funwithcooking
I’ve spent the last week being sick and trying to recuperate. I haven’t taken more than a half a sick day in awhile let alone two in a row. This thing was rough.
If you actually know me you know I’m a little insecure about body image. I’m modest anyways but several years ago after a few years of daily prednisone for 6 months at a time, I gained 35+ pounds and shut down my adrenal gland. I was on them for breathing issues. Long story short I went off to regain control and it took until now to lose 25 lbs of the weight. Covid helped me and the doctors and my bosses realize that something in the building was causing a lot of them. Likely just exacerbating my existing terrible allergies. I have season, indoor and chemical allergies but when I can’t get a break during the cooler months because the irritants are indoors I can’t get over it and I had resorted to daily albuterol and getting sicker. I was getting better because I was able to remote work after we all realized what was happening. My new job is in a different location and is fine. I didn’t expect another building to have the same problems obviously. Then came this cold and I was put back on higher doses of steroids. I’m not yet where I want to be yet but getting closer, but have already gained a few extra pounds from the meds.
I finally could get, comfortably, back into my comfy old sweater dress that I’ve had for close to 10 years. (Excuse my worn look this was after work, dinner and dishes.) I went to the break room to warm my lunch and a couple of slightly older women were talking. I wasn’t listening and with my ears still clogged couldn’t have heard anyways, but when I turned to walk out they told me how they were saying they wished they had a figure like mine. I so needed to hear that today. This is what I to needed to hear to keep trying to get back to where I want to be and just to feel good about myself in general.
Thank you for the compliments ladies and this old outfit is staying in the rotation. This now makes me feel good and saves money!
#complimenther #makeherfeelgood #maketheirday #recycleoutfits #bringbacktheold
Had a quiet, but great Christmas. Very happy kids in our house and great time seeing family.
Starting off the New Year right. Are you??
Happy New Year’s Eve!!
Walk into next year right, starting tomorrow. What better day to make a change in your financial habits, health habits than now?!
Get organized. Keep a target date on your phone calendar to check if your car needs an oil change or tire rotation. Make sure your tires don’t wear prematurely or your car doesn’t die because you decided not to care about these small maintenance things. The same goes for your body. Make that well visit appointment. Most are free! Make sure there’s not something you can deal with easier now rather than cost you more financially or your life in months or years.
And your finances!! Go through them for the new year. If you haven’t already done it, set up a separate savings for your car insurance, Christmas, annual taxes, life insurance premiums…anything that doesn’t get paid monthly so you always have it to pay with!
I’ve been doing this for almost 30 years and have taught my kids the same. It assures you you will have that money when it’s needed which makes Christmas and New Year a lot more enjoyable when you don’t have a pile of credit card debt like everyone else and no money to pay all of these things.
I’ve done this through thick and thin. Through is having to deal with health crisis and therefore not having regular income, new additions to our family, you name it. I say I still don’t know how we got through some of these times but this was a lot of the reason.
Quickly add up all of those things that come due every so often. Divide the total for the year by 12 and that’s how much you need to have your bank automatically transfer to your “special” savings account every single month. It’s that easy. Then if you happen to get one of those bills and it increases, down the road divide that increase by 12 and have that much more added to your transfer. If you can’t afford this monthly then look at what you have that maybe needs sold. You’re paying yourself first this way. Yes you can pay your car or home insurance monthly but it increases your premium to do so. This pays you for it monthly so you can pay the insurance company every 6 months or annually. Whichever costs you less!
Sit down. Make a concerted effort to rewrite your financial picture. Stay on top of it. This is a resolution that will literally pay off!
#budgetnow #domorewithyourmoney #stretchyourmoney #moneysavingtips
But I’m also warming up to the change. I’m settling in a little more everyday. Most of the time if you’re relatively doing the same type of job and just switching organizations it may not quite feel like the adjustment I’ve been feeling. Mostly I think I’ve realized that I was used to very strict rules, lack of trust unless you were in certain circles, and not feeling like you’re adding value to anything real. Meaning your job doesn’t necessarily equate to seeing positive change to people the organization is serving. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t because of my direct supervisor. I’d felt and experienced this throughout my 21 years there and he protected me from it to the best of his ability but it was embedded deep in the politics of the organization. Now I’m realizing I didn’t know any different and just accepted it.
While I’ve had fleeting second thoughts over the past several weeks and days of doubting myself, I’m learning to spread myself out and trust myself more. I’m learning that my job does add value as I’m seeing programs change as my team members develop data charts to show progress of programs that I consulted with them on. I’m learning to treat my staff the way I always wanted to be treated by my managers over the years. I’m learning I can be treated like an adult and my team and I can be valued for what we do, not who we are; and not be overlooked.
I hope to keep learning all of these new programs and be a good manager to my staff to develop them and their talents. I want to finally have a positive impact and make a difference. Something I’ve always wanted.
So tomorrow I keep pushing and reading and getting up to speed as quickly as possible.
This is totally on the joking side. I know they’re not trying to hurt me. It’s just a thought that passed through my mind as I was trying so hard not to cry or scream when he popped my joint making it hurt worse and stuck the needle in and proceeded to move it around within the joint to get all of the affected area. He’s the 2nd ortho I’ve been to in the two years since the scooter accident that caused the arthritis. I only switched because he has a better procedure with less recovery time in mind for when I want to fix it. I will say though, the last ortho who gave me the shot the last time left me with pain for two full days and horrible bruising. This time the pain was more minimal. I lost function of my hand for a couple of hours and it hurt here and there but nothing like the past several times. Now hoping for several months of minimal pain and maybe not wincing every time someone attempts to touch my hand/thumb.
Life sometimes really is luck of the draw. Sometimes it’s hard work and sometimes it’s a combination. But one person can work hard and everything can work out beautifully while another person can work just as hard and nothing ever seems to go or come their way. And I’ve heard, over my many years on the internet, things like well you could if you would cut out the lattes or getting your nails done. And that’s true. If you do those things. But guess what preachy people. Not everyone does those kinds of luxury treatments. Some people are already barebones and still just can’t afford the trip even to Six Flags for their kids let alone flying and staying in hotels somewhere really cool like Disney or Hawaii etc.
Truly if you can do those things with your kids share away. Post the fun pics of your kids and your family. It’s a great memory for you and your family and you’re a very blessed person. But remember not everyone got your hand dealt.
If you’re the mom that can’t afford to have the “cool” experiences with your kids and you’ve cut out the extras already and there’s no room to budge, you’re not alone. Get creative. There are fun things you can do with your kids and they will remember it because you were there having fun with them. Have a carpet picnic with a Redbox movie or streaming movie. Go find a walking trail with them and make little stops along the way for photo ops. Let them play in the leaves or in the snow with their you. Get sidewalk chalk and draw giant murals or watercolors and paint the sidewalk with them. It doesn’t matter as long as you’re there. Don’t let anyone else tell you that you’re not enough. You are!
Anyone who knows me knows I hate to waste money or things. So when I’m ready for a change in decor I think long and hard. In this case, I wanted to minimize the colors I had in my living room. This means new pillows or throws. Well, as luck would have it I found the perfect pillow covers on Amazon. I took those green pillows and turned them dark grey to match a throw I had. They fit perfect and look perfect. And best of all they cost $10 total and I didn’t have to sell or throw out the old pillows.
Love these girls, so much, getting ready for pajama night at the the game. The stands hadn’t even filled up yet.
Keep pushing. Keep muddling through if you have to. Life is easier in small bites. Don’t procrastinate and end up creating more work and anxiety for yourself. Truly this works. Now I’d only my kids would take note!
But sometimes parenting is just hard and you can’t press the easy button. You can’t just let kids have whatever they want because it keeps the peace at the moment and because you have the money to do so. They need to see you stand your ground and be firm. And then to in a lot of situations know why you made that choice for them. And yes I mean for them. When they’re younger they do not have the capacity to make all of their own decisions. You are there until their brain matures to make those for themselves. You are there to teach them along the way. It’s a long 20+ year process. Think about it in the context of the things you do for them, regardless of financial abilities, are small when they’re younger but they grow with the child’s age and bailing them out of trouble or continually buying them what they want just because you can will cause them to potentially get into trouble regardless of consequences or have no real regard and respect for money or people.
Teach by example. Talk out loud, at the diner table, about the choices the family is making. Let them see you and hear you talk about somewhat hard stuff. Let them hear you say I can’t because of xyz even though I want to. And then teach them to ask themselves can I. And not just can I, should I. Just because you physically can doesn’t mean you should.
Ask the hard questions. Teach them to ask the hard questions of themselves and be honest with themselves. Teach them to fish!
Over the weekend I got the pants I had ordered to go with a top that I can now fit in again. I ordered a 28. The tag in the pants and on the pants said 28. My husband just burst out laughing. Not making fun of anyone larger. Just funny that even the tags were so wrong.
Onward to more learning and catching up with a lot of information in the coming weeks, months and years!
I’ve definitely been feeling that these past several days, every day. Despite everyone being very warm and kind, newness at this age especially makes you feel something you likely haven’t felt in a long time. But getting the collage I had made up makes my office feel warm and me and that makes me feel safe in my place. Until I feel safe and comfortable everywhere I will be running 100 mph to get up to speed on as much as I can. I’m used to knowing so much and I need to give myself sometime to feel an ounce of that security here. And I’ll have to keep reminding myself. Sometimes several times a day when I have a second to breath. I can do this!
We had finally gotten the car that hit the deer back and sent back to college with the kid. Then a bird hit the top of one of the cars and knocked the antenna attachment off that included wiring so we’re back with an auto body shop waiting to see if we have to file another claim from Mother Nature. And now my daughter is sending me pictures from college because she thinks her gutate psoriasis was triggered by something after being symptom free since she went off the skyrizi in June. She’s wondering if it was her flu shot and I really hate that she’ll have to go back on those meds because of what they do to your immune system but at the same time those sores that covered her body were miserable. And then there’s the cost of the medication. It was upwards of $25k per shot with my insurance discount. So hopefully Skyrizi will put her back in their copay program.
And add to that starting a new job after 27 years with the same lace. I’m still excited about it but a little overwhelmed and a lot exhausted. A lot of meeting new people and information thrown at me in a small amount of time. The upside is everyone has been super nice and very welcoming. And I have a great office building location with a very nice office with sunshine pouring in the windows. And once I had a collage of the kids on the wall above my desk I felt better.
I’ve been preparing for two weeks. Tons of notes and videos to help my boss ingest my knowledge (per his request). Going through my closet and cleaning out all of my dress clothes that was in poor condition and donating those items that no longer fit and taking in the pants that could be salvaged until I find something smaller and at an affordable price. Cleaning up my offices and permanently cleaning out my actual office location. New people and a few familiar faces. New duties and a few familiar. I’m doing what I told my 18 year old daughter to do a few days ago. Closing my eyes and jumping in. God led me here. It’s time to follow and see where it leads.
She unexpectedly began running xc her freshman year (half way through after the coach and runners pursued her) and she grew to enjoy the running and the friendships. We grew to enjoy the 30-60 minute drives for a 22 minute event.
She would get done with track at the end of May, take a week off and start 6 day training weeks for cross country. She never made it to state as she’d hoped. But she kept it up and was a great cheerleaders to her entire team the whole way.
It was an unexpected sad day for her. I’m not sure she really expected it to hurt so much to end finally. But she’ll have more of these this year and she’ll get used to it before she starts a lifetime of firsts next year. I was happy that when she saw me I was the person she wanted to fall into in tears. After our long hug she got a other from a teammate and was able to go on with the day.
